Mind the Rent

For Rent: I am renting my mind out to the highest bidder. Anybody needing vitriolic biting sarcasm, irony, hyperbole, word-play, puns, one-liners, quick-witted observations, flippant remarks, and abstract and deep philosophical insights on nonsensical themes feel free to e-mail me, myself, or my alter-ego.

I take PayPal, all forms of non-mutilated cash, am open to bartering, and will even accept canned goods with expiration dates before 21 Dec 2012...which according to the Mayan calendar is when the world will end.

Thank you and have a pleasant proletarian day.

(ed. note) if contacting my alter-ego, please specify which one of the 7 or 8 you need, want, or desire.

Heigh Ho! Heigh Ho! Across the River Styx We Go!

To go to Hell, click here.

Should you decide to enter, you'll find yourself listening to a conversation between two demons. . .Wormwood and Screwtape.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

The Day We Bombed the Moon

We should have never bombed the moon yesterday, now the whole world's gone lunar.

I don’t know why we bombed the moon yesterday, but I love to have been at the meeting where it was decided by all those PhDs to do so.

Something tells me there was a lot of drinking that day. That same something also tells me their drinks were fermented in some vast underground cavern in Oslo and overseen by five Norwegians under the impression it was Thor’s Will. And something more of the same something tells me that someone somewhere got hold of this something, sold it to somebody, and. . .to make a long story short. . .used it for a Beer Summit.

This is all theory, of course, but it might possibly explain how Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. It was Thor’s Will. Thor was appeased and rewarded BO for his product placement skills.

Does this make sense? Not really. But one must keep in mind that Thor’s ways are not our ways. And that what seemeth right to a man may be altered given the right substances and a long frigid Scandinavian night.

All of which caused me to wonder, ‘if a Beer Summit can win the Nobel, what would a Sparkling Grape Juice Symposium get me. . .hmmm’

What does this all mean now?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

What this means is the Nobel Peace Prize is officially cheaper than the free toy in a box of Cheerios. Arafat, Jimmy Carter, and Al Gore won it, but Gandhi did not. Obama winning the Nobel Prize for talking and holding Beer Summits is like giving Nero a Grammy for fiddling.

This almost sounds like a good idea.

This almost sounds like a good idea.

"focusing on concrete, local, immediate issues that have an impact on people's lives is what really makes a difference and...having protests about abstractions [such] as global capitalism or something, generally, is not really going to make much of a difference."

--Barack Obama

http://www.thenation.com/doc/20091005/zirin

September 22, 2009

Do you think BO has any idea about what regular Americans think? I never did think the man's elevator went to the top floor, and still don't. It's funny, because he lives in an ivory tower. . .sort of like Saruman. . .and pretends to be the fount of wisdom.

People should watch BO very closely. This is a creature who says one thing and does something totally different. In his heart, I think he wants to turn America into a second-world country and run it like the pigs in Animal Farm. He wants to make it into a Socialist state on par with Europe. Complete with socialized health care, high taxes, large government, small armed forces, and overseen by a police force. . .much as Adolph and his stormtroopers.

BO doesn't truly consider himself a patriotic American. He considers himself to be a world citizen on the same level as Napoleon, Alexander the Great, Nebuchadnezzar, and many others.

Whether he is aware of it or not, he is a tool. A tool being used by the giants Media and Mammon for their own purposes in rebellion against someone they've had a grudge on since time immemorial. Some of you know exactly what I'm talking about. Some of you do not.

The last thing we need is to have his army of orcs running loose messing up the place.

Sleepiness

Remember when you were a little kid and you forced yourself to stay awake all night long and actually succeeded because you drank a lot of coffee your parents told you not to and now it's the next day and you're very very sleepy and half hallucinating and not quite 100% aware of reality as you're half in dreamland but trying very hard to stay awake because the sun is still up and nobody except babies and old people and old weird Larry sleep during the day. . .and did I just say that?. . .and your thoughts sort of run along continuously like a stream in the mountains of Pocahontas County, West Virginia during August when the water level is down because like I said earlier sometime in the past, though I'm not sure exactly when as time isn't acting quite right now, and you know. . .this is how I feel right now.

Thirty-six straight hours of non-stop work.

Tomorrow I shall re-read what I just typed and possibly, quite possibly, edit it for coherence, lucidity, and credulity.

And then again-maybe I won't.

The Butterfly Circus

A must see short film courtesy of Esther (who actually knows one of the filmers) One of the shocking things about it is one of the main characters looks exactly like a guy from work.

A Swiftly Tilting Planet

Unless you've been sleeping like Rip Van Winkle, you've probably noticed that the United States is undergoing some sort of mass hysteria-or madness. If the news hasn't shocked you, then perhaps this site will.

www.Peopleofwalmart.com

Yep. These are actual Americans of the 21st century in public doing the things they do. Obama and Co. aren't helping matters either. However, I believe something good will come out of this administration. The rousing of common sense and the return to conservative values. People are growing very very weary of all the governmental nonsense. . .all the ACORNS, stimulus packages, scandals, etc. And slowly, but surely, are getting antsy. Obama said change was coming, and he was right. The change he was expecting isn't going to happen, instead, I think there will be something like a Great Awakening.

Government clearly is not the answer to this mass hysteria. This New Awakening can only take place person by person. Step by step, row by row, family by family, state by state, and finally nationally. One person at a time.

It's happened before. During the mid-1800s the American West was a wild and immoral wasteland running rampant with all kinds of ridiculousness. Then, in a relatively short period of time, it changed for the better. Now, with the help of YouTube, Twitter, blogs, cell phones, and other modern conveniences, the change will happen quicker. Quicker than even MSNBC, CNN, and the major news networks can cover (not they'll actual try to cover.)

Deep Calling Deep

I wonder about some of the things people post on the web. Especially the cryptic bloggers who post things like. . .

Obscuratist Gravy Lovers. Bosh! This implies the existence of potatoes in a mashed sense. Smoke means fire. The spuds. . .they lurk.

Then they get poetic and write

Not all who have eyes do see
Nor all who wander are lost
Not every plant cometh from seed
Yet all are touched by the frost

Apparently, these guys don't go out much in public and have far too much free time.

Pseudo Cats

I don't know the name of the wise guy who set up the life-sized styrofoam mountain lion by the running trail this morning...nor do I care...but you sir are w-r-o-n-g wrong.

A Shadow of Reality

When looking through a glass darkly, you can see refracted images of what somebody truly looks like. You see a shadow of reality. When the image is very clear this resonates with your spirit and you feel a kindred, homely, warm feeling.

This is one reason why people fall in love.

This can only happen by seeing the spirit of a person, not their bodily image. It is true that the eyes give a penetrating glance into the soul, but one must keep in mind this is only a refracted image of the inner flame, not the spirit itself.

I've noticed most people have a murky image due to a sleepy or comatose spirit. A person who is intimate with God has a certain intensity of being-a radiant countenance-that attracts people due in part to the Natural Law. All people see this radiance intuitively, even if they cannot articulate why. As things come to a point, this line of demarcation will become more manifest. The Good will keep getting better and the Bad will increase their dullness of bearing. When logic, persuasive arguments, and even the Bible fail to attract people to God, and people become more animal-like and grow feral, their instincts will be relied on more and more. Then they will be drawn to the radiant ones.

I think this plan has already been written down in a book somewhere.

Writing 101

Life ain't easy being blue

"Ya know. . .life as an Oh!Bo ain't easy. Sure, everybody sees you as cooler than cool. But just because you're tall, dark, thin, and have lots of bright shiny silver bling things-you still sound funny when spewing hot air."

"I guess it takes some gettin' used to that hollow reedy sound."

--anonymous woodwind instrument being played for all it's worth

Obsessive Compulsive Hysteria

I decided to forgo my usual lunch of nothing and eat something at this actual place called Quaker Steak and Lube. QS & L (half restaurant and half Jiffy Lube) is an actual place in the good section of the bad side of town. The theory being since it takes so long to change your oil, you might as well make a day of it.

I ordered the lunch special which consisted of a steak sandwich, fries, Mt. Dew and up to 5 quarts of 10W-40 and noticed some handwriting on the wall that read 'Semper Gumby' meaning 'always flexible.' I felt it all fitting here in the last days of Babylon.

"Yep," said the old guy running the cash register. "Yep, yep. . .yep."

Unfortunately, this was all he said. He seemed to have trouble with the register, so another fellow came out and stared at it. "uh-huh," said he as he pecked some numbers.

"Yep, yep, yep."

"Uh-huh."

"Yep. . .yep. . .yep."

"Uh-huh. . .uh-huh."

Then I had a vision of these fellows.



And then it all made sense.

The Musician

My co-worker, Dan, was excited about his band's newest CD called 'Untitled Track #1' which consists of long stretches of silence interspersed with random background noise. Dan is a gifted musician of sorts and although his CD is nothing short of genius, it's not selling as well as he'd expected. I told him new genres in art take take to develop and some, well, take very long to develop. But Dan has hope. . .lots of hope and little change.

"Lunch is on me," I said

He smiled and said, "Thanks." And explained how he has converted his bathroom into a small aquaculture facility to make ends meet. He grows bluegill and trout for food and toothpicks.

"The bluegill live in the tub and the trout live in the commode," he said.

"Why don't you just put both in the tub?" I asked.

"Trout and bluegill fight a lot in the wild. Don't want no piscine war going on in there you know. Fighting inhibits growth."

"I see," and made a mental note to talk to the supervisor about having better background checks on future employees. (I work in a chemistry lab,btw. Think lots of mixing chemicals, titrating acids, and dangerous fumes.)

"Where do you bathe?"

"I take sponge baths. Shampoo is too toxic on your skin's natural oils-makes you age quicker by hydrolyzing skin proteins. It also has excellent anti-microbial qualities."

They say knowledge is power, and too much knowledge is dangerous. What they don't say is too much knowledge is powerfully confusing and leads to many stinking situations.

Dan continued, "Did you know in the Middle Ages people had a distinct odor? They did. It helped keep communities together and let the townspeople know when there were strange people in town."

"People in the Middle Ages also used moss for toilet paper. Have you seen what lives in moss under a microscope?"

"Nope."

"I have. Life in the Middle Ages was scary."

"How about the shaggy beard?" I continued.

"Functional Bohemian Art. It's part of my starving artist worldview and a key tenet to my Post-Modern Pragmatic Utilitarian beliefs. Very useful in the recession."

"Sounds like a cult. Say-you're not taking any drugs are you?"

"Nope. I don't take drugs. Drugs mess you're mind and confuse reality. Until you're old, when it doesn't matter anymore cause you're close to the end and ready to leave the cocoon and fly like a butterfly with the angels."

"Maybe you should."

I don't think Dan has many friends.

It's the Truth

People who love Truth hate to see the degradation of morals. Fortunately, we have laws based on morals. When the laws are corrupted, or amended, to take into account changing cultural mores, the picture of Truth is damaged. This is one reason the first Tabernacle of the Jews was destroyed-it no longer truly represented God. People should not be surprised when good things become bad.


1-(1960s and 1970s)
'Make Love, not War'
Zeal without Knowledge

2-(1980s and 1990s)
'Make More, not War'
Knowledge without Zeal

3-(Now)
'What it do?' . . .does anybody know what this means???
No Zeal and No Knowledge

4-(The Future)
Both Zeal and Knowledge
This has yet to be written


Plurality without unity is confusion.
Unity without plurality is tyranny.
Controversy indicates uncertainty.

A divided country cannot be stable if everybody constantly disagrees with one another, as in a Civil War.
When everybody thinks alike, nobody is really thinking. This is what tyranny likes.
When there is great disagreement over nearly every law, people must be unsure of the moral principles the law is based on.

There are an infinite number of ways to be wrong about a situation, but generally only one way to be right. An automobile can break down for a variety of reasons, but one is good working condition is doing what the engineer has designed it to do.

This is not popular but it's true. Mercedes-Benzes break down less than Fords because they are designed better. If you read between the lines, you'll see an analogy relating to people that sounds like a tenet of Socialism, but it's not.

Some people think 'A' then 'B' then 'C' . . .then 'Z.' They're logical.
Some people see 'A' then 'Z' almost instantly and then know there must be a 'B' through 'Y.' They're intuitive.
Some people see 'M' then a 'G' then 'M' again, then another 'G.' These people are confused.
Some people can't even read. They're blind.

Good is always getting better and Bad is always getting worse. This is what history is and how empires rise and fall. It's the nature of things.

After purposely trying not to see the nature of things-after repressing the intuitively obvious- one goes mad. This is also the nature of things.

If enough people do this in a society-no matter how moral that society was-this society will crumble. The crumbling should force people to rethink why they act the way they do and change, because what they were doing must not have been working that well. And if nobody remembers how to think that well-or at all-then the next best thing. . .actually you know this might be the best thing in the first place. . .is to tell them a story.

Good stories have a hypnotic effect on people. The more they concentrate and listen, the more they can assimilate.

Non-Wikipedian Information

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Post-History

Once upon a time there were two kingdoms; The Land of the Bear and the Land of the Eagle.

The first kingdom was ruled by an evil tyrant with a pointy black beard.
The second kingdom was ruled by a three-headed monster.

Both kingdoms believed in equality, but some people were more equal than others.

The pointy-bearded leader of the Bears ruled by inflicting pain upon the masses whom he called the Proletariat. This made them cold, hard, and uncaring.
The Eagles' leader ruled by inflicting pleasure upon the masses whom it called the Working Class. This made them fat, lazy, and stupid.

The first kingdom tried to control people by banning books and erasing pictures of non-conformers in textbooks.
The second kingdom tried to control people by giving them everything they wanted and told them to get as much as you can.

Starvation and boredom became common in the Bear country.
Obesity and carelessness became common in the Eagle country.

The population didn't believe in much of anything in the first kingdom.
People believed anything in the second kingdom.

Both kingdoms were superpowers at the time due to the fact their earliest settlers were made of iron. But, somehow clay got mixed in with their descendants toes and made walking steady hard to do.

Neither kingdom fell in a day, rather, they gradually disintegrated into parts.

Sometime later, a massive stone or perhaps a large bulldozer, (things get sketchy here,) came by and flattened the two kingdoms so that everything was forgotten. Then, a new city was built in their place and it stands until this day.

I think it was because it was founded upon a better foundation.

Mind Control

Virtual Reality is the world's answer to spiritual poverty.

When people refuse to acknowledge true reality, they will (they must) concoct a false reality that is acceptable to their own self-interests, dreams, and desires. This doesn't mean one's imagination is a bad thing. On the contrary, imagination is a good thing, especially if one writes science-fiction. Sometimes people believe abstract thinking is bad and daydreamers are wicked reprehensible creatures. Which is nonsensical as any mathematician or theoretical physicist will tell you.

The fact is, most of what is real is not seen. Blaise Pascal wrote,

"The whole visible world is only an imperceptible atom in the ample bosom of nature. No idea approaches it. We may enlarge our conceptions beyond an imaginable space; we only produce atoms in comparison with the reality of things. It is an infinite sphere, the centre of which is everywhere, the circumference nowhere."

He's right and everybody knows he's right. To pretend otherwise is to repress the intuitively obvious and eventually go mad.

A society populated by a crazy majority cannot last for long until chaos comes. Fortunately, there are tranquilizers to relax troubled minds and take the blues way.

Now you see why television and universal health care are popular themes.

R.I.P. little buddy

Weeping, mourning, donning sackcloth and ashes. I can't believe the king of pop is no longer with us. Man. . .I really miss New Coke.

Shadow Men

People who constantly strive to please others by trying to be who everybody else thinks they should be do not really know their own self. As a result, they busy themselves since busyness helps their mind disregard the clanging sound of their inner turmoil. It is a vain attempt to quiet the confusion of their inner self.

When one works for quantity instead of quality, tries to do more than is right, he misses the point of Life and becomes miserable. Years of mindless activity causes one to dig a rut, and like a hamster running on it's treadmill, leads to a meaningless existence. America is full of men such as this leading lives of quiet desperation. You can see it in their eyes. It's difficult for them to focus and concentrate. Thinking turns into endless daydreaming, their instincts overrule their mind, and at the end of life their obituary should read What Might Have Been.

A man doing what he is not designed to do undergoes a type of living death. He's a zombie, a machine, and little more than an animal. He lurches forward in bits, scrabbling to-and-fro wherever the wind blows, and inevitably wears down. He grows weary of well-doing instead of doing well. But all men need to do something in Life, for this is the proper function of a soul. Sluggishness and slothfulness lead to stagnation of the spirit. Later, the spirit dries up and the resulting inactivity leads to an early grave.

A man doing what he ought to do will accomplish more than he thinks possible. This is because God placed this desire into his spirit, as part of His Will, and due to something like inertia-the man will keep going forward although sometimes not under his own power.

One must not look at one's self when working for doing so makes one's movements choppy and robotic. You become less human and very odd. You must be yourself, not watch yourself.

Staring at yourself in the mirror of your soul is gazing at something best seen by others. What is invisible to me must remain invisible to me lest I be tempted to make myself into a god.

A man doing God's Will casts a shadow of himself from God's light (or God's glory) since man was designed in the image of God. Watching yourself too closely or doing something you're not supposed to do is to remove yourself from the light thus blurring your vision. Now, two shadows are seen and after time, one forgets which is real and both shadows fight one another to decide who is the real man. This inner bickering manifests itself in the constant need to argue with others. Such a man is not happy because he doesn't know who he really is, has no purpose, and must depend on other's opinions to have anything like a real self. It's a direct result of the confused shadow men-simple cause and effect.

It is best for a man to forget himself and do God's Will. A man performing God's Will is like a spring-constantly bubbling forth and bringing life to others.

Do you see a selfish man? He is never satisfied living in the desert of his own desires. He drinks and is never satisfied for the water he drinks comes to him sporadically. He craves more and more, even stealing from others, and dries up eventually as a dusty cocoon wrapped up in himself.

"This is morbid", you say. It is. So, let a man listen to the voice of God, forget himself, and in time he will bring life to others. It's part of the Natural Law you know.