24 May 2012

One month from now you will find me standing in a crowd of 26,000 people wearing orange Adidas shorts and blue Adidas shoes. I'll be wearing sunglasses and chanting my private mantra,

"What the heck was I thinking, What the heck was I thinking, What the heck was I thinking."

Over and over again to the tune of the Beatle's Yellow Submarine.

At precisely 7 AM, I will commence running 26.2 miles through downtown Seattle and hopefully finish before collapsing somewhere near Pike Place Market. Come to think of it, I might just purposely collapse there since I love good seafood.

Seafood being defined as any creature with fins and scales. I don't consider lobsters, crabs, mussels, shrimp, or oysters as seafood. These creatures are called bait.

I do, however, like chicken livers...fried and sprinkled with organic goat cheese. Some people call chicken livers catfish bait, but I think they're confused. Why would a catfish eat a bird that inhabits hen houses? Bait is generally something that a creature would eat under normal circumstances. Bait for a human, for instance, would be a bacon cheeseburger. Women seeking husbands secretly know this which explains why at some point in every relationship a woman will drag a man into the nearest Arbys... is she's really interested in him.

My marathon training is going well. I'm running from 7-13 miles a day and vomiting, on average, every 8 miles. The synthetic thyroid hormone I'm taking every morning has made a pretty good improvement in my health. It does make one quite aggressive though.

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