17 December 2009

memo

I 'heart' Marshwiggles.

More substantialness coming later.

-The management

10 December 2009

How Do You Feel?

I feel good right now. Physically fine. Mentally competent. Somewhat bloated from the egg nog and Mexican tossed salad, but otherwise great. I need a hair-cut and this bothers me a little...not a lot as I don’t have a girlfriend, or soul-mate, or any other kind of primate to impress right now. Emotionally…I feel stable...a little shaky at times, but that’s due to dietary influences and rising/lowering hormone levels. I feel witty…on a scale of 1 to 10…ummm...about a 6.75…+/- a percentage point. I feel smug. A little sarcastic…just enough to irritate people an hour or two from a full-blown tension headache-no more, no less. That’s pretty much how I feel right now.

Lately, I’ve been talking to myself using short declarative sentences…using the intended ‘I’ to save time. I also answer myself using the ‘you’ understood. Most often though the conversations consist of sentence fragments with lots of adjectives. I don’t think this makes for good writing though...nor does using the word ‘though’ a lot. I read yesterday that good writers use verbs-the action ones-and leave the passive ones to the novices to keep them poor and practicing. I tell myself it’s like reading a John Steinbeck novel...someday I hope to believe it. I tell this to my friends-all of who are invisible by the way. Most of my invisible amigos speak Spanglish which I appreciate since I love Mexican food and can now read the labels in the Hispanic section of Food Lion. Once, one of my friends...she's from New Zealand...asked me to 'fetch a trolley' before we entered the deli section. I stood there in complete silence for an entire minute trying to translate this into English. A kindly cashier girl, whom I was not trying to impress due to my unique hair situation, asked if I needed any help.

I said, “No thank you, I’m just a little confused right now.”

She nodded and gave me a shopping cart to lessen my dilemma.

I thought about dating the other night. The Aztecs were good at it and constructed elaborate carved stones showing how to do it right.

“The stones are still there,” Raquel told me. “Unfortunately the Aztecs are extinct and the stones untranslatable as nobody alive now speaks Aztec.”

The Aztecs caused many problems going extinct, for now, nobody knows how to date properly. Although…the Mayans say we need not worry as the world will end at precisely midnight three years and nine days from now.

I wish I were attracted to Mayan women.

Another somebody I like is Humor. Humor and I used to date off and on for a time. We took long road trips together and went to museums with dinosaur fossils, cave man dioramas, diodes, and abstract art made by people who talked to themselves. After a time we went our separate ways and I haven’t seen her since. A co-worker told me to try Googling her.

I told him, "I’m not kind of person…I have morals you know."

03 December 2009

Bone Gnawer's Great Adventure

Bone Gnawer grunted.

As dawn arose, bright and rosy-fingered, Bone Gnawer appeared on the hilltop. He had awaken an hour earlier and discovered to his horror the remains from yesterday’s sacrifice to Bel were gone. In his primitive mind, he saw images of fanged beasts carrying the flesh to their lairs. He shrugged it off. Sometimes, it was hard to discern the waking hours from the visions he saw at night.

Speech was difficult for Bone Gnawer. Years spent drinking mead and fighting rival clans robbed him of use of his tongue and now he saw the world as through the eyes of a child. A life spent chewing Flemweed gave his face a fierce gnarled countenance and the other hominids naturally avoided him and deferred to his presence on sight.

Out of fear, out of respect, out of self-preservation.

Bone Gnawer was a lonely beast and the years had not been kind.

The People of the Red Dot especially avoided him. Once, when he was young, the Red Dot clan members played with him, but over the course of time they gradually went their own ways and avoided all contact with the Gnawers.

Such things were mysterious to Bone Gnawer and his clan, but as their leader it was his duty to lead them from their life in the box and possibly see into the matter.

Perhaps the answer could be found in the Blue Temple. A number of years ago the pale-haired barbarian princess came from the land of the Temple’s founder…little was known of that place except that it was a rolling expanse of hills and farmland…a land of pigs and money where all lived in one large village and shared everything.

Expedition:

The team of horses carried Bone Gnawer to the Blue Temple. Soon, he glimpsed the holy place and felt with the fibers of his being that this could be his second home. He had been here before. Once, Bone Gnawer and Leaf Chewer spent a good two hours gazing into the vision stones and fell asleep. Only to be awakened and hustled into the night by a tall dark man in black-a caretaker of the temple. He felt it was a misunderstanding yet something within him said otherwise. He distinctly recalled seeing similar dark men lurking around the Red Dot temple…who were they?

Mysteriousness.

The black desert loomed. Bits of scattered plant remains rolled across the land and Glow trees with small grey carrion birds perched in their tops gazed ominously like vultures. Metallic reptile beasts lurked in the corners, occasionally running across the black expanse. The way seemed perilous but meat and drink were to be had…go on he must.

He scratched his furry belly, and with grim determination entered. Apart from some sloth-like creatures wandering around, the Blue Temple was empty. He walked past the vision stones and passed by what must be the most holy place as there was a large collection of shoes leading to two very large dark doors. He in turn removed his old muddy boots and felt a lightness of heart as one of the sloth-like creatures smiled at him.

He continued on.

The temple, he noticed, was filled with Sun God images. Did the Blue Temple pilgrims worship the sun? Why were all the temple workers downcast with the perpetual smiling Sun God watching from above?

More mysteriousness.

Bone Gnawer sighed and met a lady-in-blue staring grimly at a collection of scrolls featuring skinny hairless hominids.

“Chick…chick…chicken…wings…food?” (The words came out rather slow.)

She nodded as she pressed her stylus onto a box-of-many-colors and pointed to a stack of bananas and…oh’ great joy! Piles of meat running half the length of the floor!

Suddenly-overhead-came a rattling sound. He paused and listened attentively. It was the calm before a storm. Something great was about to happen. The hair on his chest stood on end and all nature held her breath as the scratchings gave forth to words.

A Voice. The Voice. The Voice thundered. Spasms of wonder and joy permeated his being. He trembled violently.

Attention Wal-Mart Shoppers…”

16 November 2009

Conversations with Ego and Id

"It's been awhile."

"I know."

"I have excuses."

"We all do."

"Been busy."

"Most are."

My inner Muse has been vacationing in Nicaragua."

"Ever hear of laptops?"

"I joined this thing called Factbook, that tells me all the latest trivia from people in my past."

"You sound confused."

"I've been watching the news...keeping up with current events."

"You lie!"

"I have a crush on Katie Couric."

"She's too old."

"There are a lot of people nowadays who need Jesus and Noah Webster."

"You've a keen sense of the obvious-that's for sure."

"Also been feeling under the weather lately-I may have whine Flu."

"Don't be ridiculous-you're perfectly healthy."

"According to a Factbook poll, I'm crazy."

"Those polls aren't even close to accurate."

"Umm...thinking has been difficult of late. Typing has been harder. I'm thinking I have Lysdexia"

"Don't you mean Dyslexia?"

"Nope...Lysdexia."

"Perhaps you should write a story about you're girlfriend Rindercella and her slopped dripper."

"Now I think you're crazy."

"Did I mention the jihad I declared on Poly-Urkel-lean?"

"What's wrong with stain-resistant wrinkle-proof fabric?"

"Skinny cheap Poly-Earthy-lean lovers frighten me."

"You should get out more-mingle with currently living folks and not spent so much time with reading."

"That I shall do."

21 October 2009

Mind the Rent

For Rent: I am renting my mind out to the highest bidder. Anybody needing vitriolic biting sarcasm, irony, hyperbole, word-play, puns, one-liners, quick-witted observations, flippant remarks, and abstract and deep philosophical insights on nonsensical themes feel free to e-mail me, myself, or my alter-ego.

I take PayPal, all forms of non-mutilated cash, am open to bartering, and will even accept canned goods with expiration dates before 21 Dec 2012...which according to the Mayan calendar is when the world will end.

Thank you and have a pleasant proletarian day.

(ed. note) if contacting my alter-ego, please specify which one of the 7 or 8 you need, want, or desire.

12 October 2009

Heigh Ho! Heigh Ho! Across the River Styx We Go!

To go to Hell, click here.

Should you decide to enter, you'll find yourself listening to a conversation between two demons. . .Wormwood and Screwtape.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

10 October 2009

The Day We Bombed the Moon

We should have never bombed the moon yesterday, now the whole world's gone lunar.

I don’t know why we bombed the moon yesterday, but I love to have been at the meeting where it was decided by all those PhDs to do so.

Something tells me there was a lot of drinking that day. That same something also tells me their drinks were fermented in some vast underground cavern in Oslo and overseen by five Norwegians under the impression it was Thor’s Will. And something more of the same something tells me that someone somewhere got hold of this something, sold it to somebody, and. . .to make a long story short. . .used it for a Beer Summit.

This is all theory, of course, but it might possibly explain how Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. It was Thor’s Will. Thor was appeased and rewarded BO for his product placement skills.

Does this make sense? Not really. But one must keep in mind that Thor’s ways are not our ways. And that what seemeth right to a man may be altered given the right substances and a long frigid Scandinavian night.

All of which caused me to wonder, ‘if a Beer Summit can win the Nobel, what would a Sparkling Grape Juice Symposium get me. . .hmmm’

What does this all mean now?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

What this means is the Nobel Peace Prize is officially cheaper than the free toy in a box of Cheerios. Arafat, Jimmy Carter, and Al Gore won it, but Gandhi did not. Obama winning the Nobel Prize for talking and holding Beer Summits is like giving Nero a Grammy for fiddling.

07 October 2009

This almost sounds like a good idea.

This almost sounds like a good idea.

"focusing on concrete, local, immediate issues that have an impact on people's lives is what really makes a difference and...having protests about abstractions [such] as global capitalism or something, generally, is not really going to make much of a difference."

--Barack Obama

http://www.thenation.com/doc/20091005/zirin

September 22, 2009

Do you think BO has any idea about what regular Americans think? I never did think the man's elevator went to the top floor, and still don't. It's funny, because he lives in an ivory tower. . .sort of like Saruman. . .and pretends to be the fount of wisdom.

People should watch BO very closely. This is a creature who says one thing and does something totally different. In his heart, I think he wants to turn America into a second-world country and run it like the pigs in Animal Farm. He wants to make it into a Socialist state on par with Europe. Complete with socialized health care, high taxes, large government, small armed forces, and overseen by a police force. . .much as Adolph and his stormtroopers.

BO doesn't truly consider himself a patriotic American. He considers himself to be a world citizen on the same level as Napoleon, Alexander the Great, Nebuchadnezzar, and many others.

Whether he is aware of it or not, he is a tool. A tool being used by the giants Media and Mammon for their own purposes in rebellion against someone they've had a grudge on since time immemorial. Some of you know exactly what I'm talking about. Some of you do not.

The last thing we need is to have his army of orcs running loose messing up the place.

05 October 2009

Sleepiness

Remember when you were a little kid and you forced yourself to stay awake all night long and actually succeeded because you drank a lot of coffee your parents told you not to and now it's the next day and you're very very sleepy and half hallucinating and not quite 100% aware of reality as you're half in dreamland but trying very hard to stay awake because the sun is still up and nobody except babies and old people and old weird Larry sleep during the day. . .and did I just say that?. . .and your thoughts sort of run along continuously like a stream in the mountains of Pocahontas County, West Virginia during August when the water level is down because like I said earlier sometime in the past, though I'm not sure exactly when as time isn't acting quite right now, and you know. . .this is how I feel right now.

Thirty-six straight hours of non-stop work.

Tomorrow I shall re-read what I just typed and possibly, quite possibly, edit it for coherence, lucidity, and credulity.

And then again-maybe I won't.

27 September 2009

The Butterfly Circus



A must see short film courtesy of Esther (who actually knows one of the filmers) One of the shocking things about it is one of the main characters looks exactly like a guy from work.

26 September 2009

A Swiftly Tilting Planet

Unless you've been sleeping like Rip Van Winkle, you've probably noticed that the United States is undergoing some sort of mass hysteria-or madness. If the news hasn't shocked you, then perhaps this site will.

www.Peopleofwalmart.com

Yep. These are actual Americans of the 21st century in public doing the things they do. Obama and Co. aren't helping matters either. However, I believe something good will come out of this administration. The rousing of common sense and the return to conservative values. People are growing very very weary of all the governmental nonsense. . .all the ACORNS, stimulus packages, scandals, etc. And slowly, but surely, are getting antsy. Obama said change was coming, and he was right. The change he was expecting isn't going to happen, instead, I think there will be something like a Great Awakening.

Government clearly is not the answer to this mass hysteria. This New Awakening can only take place person by person. Step by step, row by row, family by family, state by state, and finally nationally. One person at a time.

It's happened before. During the mid-1800s the American West was a wild and immoral wasteland running rampant with all kinds of ridiculousness. Then, in a relatively short period of time, it changed for the better. Now, with the help of YouTube, Twitter, blogs, cell phones, and other modern conveniences, the change will happen quicker. Quicker than even MSNBC, CNN, and the major news networks can cover (not they'll actual try to cover.)

20 August 2009

Deep Calling Deep

I wonder about some of the things people post on the web. Especially the cryptic bloggers who post things like. . .

Obscuratist Gravy Lovers. Bosh! This implies the existence of potatoes in a mashed sense. Smoke means fire. The spuds. . .they lurk.

Then they get poetic and write

Not all who have eyes do see
Nor all who wander are lost
Not every plant cometh from seed
Yet all are touched by the frost


Apparently, these guys don't go out much in public and have far too much free time.

01 August 2009

Pseudo Cats

I don't know the name of the wise guy who set up the life-sized styrofoam mountain lion by the running trail this morning...nor do I care...but you sir are w-r-o-n-g wrong.

27 July 2009

A Shadow of Reality

When looking through a glass darkly, you can see refracted images of what somebody truly looks like. You see a shadow of reality. When the image is very clear this resonates with your spirit and you feel a kindred, homely, warm feeling.

This is one reason why people fall in love.

This can only happen by seeing the spirit of a person, not their bodily image. It is true that the eyes give a penetrating glance into the soul, but one must keep in mind this is only a refracted image of the inner flame, not the spirit itself.

I've noticed most people have a murky image due to a sleepy or comatose spirit. A person who is intimate with God has a certain intensity of being-a radiant countenance-that attracts people due in part to the Natural Law. All people see this radiance intuitively, even if they cannot articulate why. As things come to a point, this line of demarcation will become more manifest. The Good will keep getting better and the Bad will increase their dullness of bearing. When logic, persuasive arguments, and even the Bible fail to attract people to God, and people become more animal-like and grow feral, their instincts will be relied on more and more. Then they will be drawn to the radiant ones.

I think this plan has already been written down in a book somewhere.

22 July 2009

Life ain't easy being blue






"Ya know. . .life as an Oh!Bo ain't easy. Sure, everybody sees you as cooler than cool. But just because you're tall, dark, thin, and have lots of bright shiny silver bling things-you still sound funny when spewing hot air."

"I guess it takes some gettin' used to that hollow reedy sound."

--anonymous woodwind instrument being played for all it's worth

20 July 2009

Obsessive Compulsive Hysteria

I decided to forgo my usual lunch of nothing and eat something at this actual place called Quaker Steak and Lube. QS & L (half restaurant and half Jiffy Lube) is an actual place in the good section of the bad side of town. The theory being since it takes so long to change your oil, you might as well make a day of it.

I ordered the lunch special which consisted of a steak sandwich, fries, Mt. Dew and up to 5 quarts of 10W-40 and noticed some handwriting on the wall that read 'Semper Gumby' meaning 'always flexible.' I felt it all fitting here in the last days of Babylon.

"Yep," said the old guy running the cash register. "Yep, yep. . .yep."

Unfortunately, this was all he said. He seemed to have trouble with the register, so another fellow came out and stared at it. "uh-huh," said he as he pecked some numbers.

"Yep, yep, yep."

"Uh-huh."

"Yep. . .yep. . .yep."

"Uh-huh. . .uh-huh."

Then I had a vision of these fellows.



And then it all made sense.

11 July 2009

The Musician

My co-worker, Dan, was excited about his band's newest CD called 'Untitled Track #1' which consists of long stretches of silence interspersed with random background noise. Dan is a gifted musician of sorts and although his CD is nothing short of genius, it's not selling as well as he'd expected. I told him new genres in art take take to develop and some, well, take very long to develop. But Dan has hope. . .lots of hope and little change.

"Lunch is on me," I said

He smiled and said, "Thanks." And explained how he has converted his bathroom into a small aquaculture facility to make ends meet. He grows bluegill and trout for food and toothpicks.

"The bluegill live in the tub and the trout live in the commode," he said.

"Why don't you just put both in the tub?" I asked.

"Trout and bluegill fight a lot in the wild. Don't want no piscine war going on in there you know. Fighting inhibits growth."

"I see," and made a mental note to talk to the supervisor about having better background checks on future employees. (I work in a chemistry lab,btw. Think lots of mixing chemicals, titrating acids, and dangerous fumes.)

"Where do you bathe?"

"I take sponge baths. Shampoo is too toxic on your skin's natural oils-makes you age quicker by hydrolyzing skin proteins. It also has excellent anti-microbial qualities."

They say knowledge is power, and too much knowledge is dangerous. What they don't say is too much knowledge is powerfully confusing and leads to many stinking situations.

Dan continued, "Did you know in the Middle Ages people had a distinct odor? They did. It helped keep communities together and let the townspeople know when there were strange people in town."

"People in the Middle Ages also used moss for toilet paper. Have you seen what lives in moss under a microscope?"

"Nope."

"I have. Life in the Middle Ages was scary."

"How about the shaggy beard?" I continued.

"Functional Bohemian Art. It's part of my starving artist worldview and a key tenet to my Post-Modern Pragmatic Utilitarian beliefs. Very useful in the recession."

"Sounds like a cult. Say-you're not taking any drugs are you?"

"Nope. I don't take drugs. Drugs mess you're mind and confuse reality. Until you're old, when it doesn't matter anymore cause you're close to the end and ready to leave the cocoon and fly like a butterfly with the angels."

"Maybe you should."

I don't think Dan has many friends.

06 July 2009

It's the Truth

People who love Truth hate to see the degradation of morals. Fortunately, we have laws based on morals. When the laws are corrupted, or amended, to take into account changing cultural mores, the picture of Truth is damaged. This is one reason the first Tabernacle of the Jews was destroyed-it no longer truly represented God. People should not be surprised when good things become bad.


1-(1960s and 1970s)
'Make Love, not War'
Zeal without Knowledge

2-(1980s and 1990s)
'Make More, not War'
Knowledge without Zeal

3-(Now)
'What it do?' . . .does anybody know what this means???
No Zeal and No Knowledge

4-(The Future)
Both Zeal and Knowledge
This has yet to be written


Plurality without unity is confusion.
Unity without plurality is tyranny.
Controversy indicates uncertainty.

A divided country cannot be stable if everybody constantly disagrees with one another, as in a Civil War.
When everybody thinks alike, nobody is really thinking. This is what tyranny likes.
When there is great disagreement over nearly every law, people must be unsure of the moral principles the law is based on.

There are an infinite number of ways to be wrong about a situation, but generally only one way to be right. An automobile can break down for a variety of reasons, but one is good working condition is doing what the engineer has designed it to do.

This is not popular but it's true. Mercedes-Benzes break down less than Fords because they are designed better. If you read between the lines, you'll see an analogy relating to people that sounds like a tenet of Socialism, but it's not.

Some people think 'A' then 'B' then 'C' . . .then 'Z.' They're logical.
Some people see 'A' then 'Z' almost instantly and then know there must be a 'B' through 'Y.' They're intuitive.
Some people see 'M' then a 'G' then 'M' again, then another 'G.' These people are confused.
Some people can't even read. They're blind.

Good is always getting better and Bad is always getting worse. This is what history is and how empires rise and fall. It's the nature of things.

After purposely trying not to see the nature of things-after repressing the intuitively obvious- one goes mad. This is also the nature of things.

If enough people do this in a society-no matter how moral that society was-this society will crumble. The crumbling should force people to rethink why they act the way they do and change, because what they were doing must not have been working that well. And if nobody remembers how to think that well-or at all-then the next best thing. . .actually you know this might be the best thing in the first place. . .is to tell them a story.

Good stories have a hypnotic effect on people. The more they concentrate and listen, the more they can assimilate.

29 June 2009

Post-History

Once upon a time there were two kingdoms; The Land of the Bear and the Land of the Eagle.

The first kingdom was ruled by an evil tyrant with a pointy black beard.
The second kingdom was ruled by a three-headed monster.

Both kingdoms believed in equality, but some people were more equal than others.

The pointy-bearded leader of the Bears ruled by inflicting pain upon the masses whom he called the Proletariat. This made them cold, hard, and uncaring.
The Eagles' leader ruled by inflicting pleasure upon the masses whom it called the Working Class. This made them fat, lazy, and stupid.

The first kingdom tried to control people by banning books and erasing pictures of non-conformers in textbooks.
The second kingdom tried to control people by giving them everything they wanted and told them to get as much as you can.

Starvation and boredom became common in the Bear country.
Obesity and carelessness became common in the Eagle country.

The population didn't believe in much of anything in the first kingdom.
People believed anything in the second kingdom.

Both kingdoms were superpowers at the time due to the fact their earliest settlers were made of iron. But, somehow clay got mixed in with their descendants toes and made walking steady hard to do.

Neither kingdom fell in a day, rather, they gradually disintegrated into parts.

Sometime later, a massive stone or perhaps a large bulldozer, (things get sketchy here,) came by and flattened the two kingdoms so that everything was forgotten. Then, a new city was built in their place and it stands until this day.

I think it was because it was founded upon a better foundation.

27 June 2009

Mind Control

Virtual Reality is the world's answer to spiritual poverty.

When people refuse to acknowledge true reality, they will (they must) concoct a false reality that is acceptable to their own self-interests, dreams, and desires. This doesn't mean one's imagination is a bad thing. On the contrary, imagination is a good thing, especially if one writes science-fiction. Sometimes people believe abstract thinking is bad and daydreamers are wicked reprehensible creatures. Which is nonsensical as any mathematician or theoretical physicist will tell you.

The fact is, most of what is real is not seen. Blaise Pascal wrote,

"The whole visible world is only an imperceptible atom in the ample bosom of nature. No idea approaches it. We may enlarge our conceptions beyond an imaginable space; we only produce atoms in comparison with the reality of things. It is an infinite sphere, the centre of which is everywhere, the circumference nowhere."

He's right and everybody knows he's right. To pretend otherwise is to repress the intuitively obvious and eventually go mad.

A society populated by a crazy majority cannot last for long until chaos comes. Fortunately, there are tranquilizers to relax troubled minds and take the blues way.

Now you see why television and universal health care are popular themes.

26 June 2009

R.I.P. little buddy

Weeping, mourning, donning sackcloth and ashes. I can't believe the king of pop is no longer with us. Man. . .I really miss New Coke.

22 June 2009

Shadow Men

People who constantly strive to please others by trying to be who everybody else thinks they should be do not really know their own self. As a result, they busy themselves since busyness helps their mind disregard the clanging sound of their inner turmoil. It is a vain attempt to quiet the confusion of their inner self.

When one works for quantity instead of quality, tries to do more than is right, he misses the point of Life and becomes miserable. Years of mindless activity causes one to dig a rut, and like a hamster running on it's treadmill, leads to a meaningless existence. America is full of men such as this leading lives of quiet desperation. You can see it in their eyes. It's difficult for them to focus and concentrate. Thinking turns into endless daydreaming, their instincts overrule their mind, and at the end of life their obituary should read What Might Have Been.

A man doing what he is not designed to do undergoes a type of living death. He's a zombie, a machine, and little more than an animal. He lurches forward in bits, scrabbling to-and-fro wherever the wind blows, and inevitably wears down. He grows weary of well-doing instead of doing well. But all men need to do something in Life, for this is the proper function of a soul. Sluggishness and slothfulness lead to stagnation of the spirit. Later, the spirit dries up and the resulting inactivity leads to an early grave.

A man doing what he ought to do will accomplish more than he thinks possible. This is because God placed this desire into his spirit, as part of His Will, and due to something like inertia-the man will keep going forward although sometimes not under his own power.

One must not look at one's self when working for doing so makes one's movements choppy and robotic. You become less human and very odd. You must be yourself, not watch yourself.

Staring at yourself in the mirror of your soul is gazing at something best seen by others. What is invisible to me must remain invisible to me lest I be tempted to make myself into a god.

A man doing God's Will casts a shadow of himself from God's light (or God's glory) since man was designed in the image of God. Watching yourself too closely or doing something you're not supposed to do is to remove yourself from the light thus blurring your vision. Now, two shadows are seen and after time, one forgets which is real and both shadows fight one another to decide who is the real man. This inner bickering manifests itself in the constant need to argue with others. Such a man is not happy because he doesn't know who he really is, has no purpose, and must depend on other's opinions to have anything like a real self. It's a direct result of the confused shadow men-simple cause and effect.

It is best for a man to forget himself and do God's Will. A man performing God's Will is like a spring-constantly bubbling forth and bringing life to others.

Do you see a selfish man? He is never satisfied living in the desert of his own desires. He drinks and is never satisfied for the water he drinks comes to him sporadically. He craves more and more, even stealing from others, and dries up eventually as a dusty cocoon wrapped up in himself.

"This is morbid", you say. It is. So, let a man listen to the voice of God, forget himself, and in time he will bring life to others. It's part of the Natural Law you know.

18 June 2009

Descent in Ferality

Another effect of a falling society is an increase in boorish behavior. Manners do, in fact, manner. Coarseness is a characteristic of disorder. Unkemptness goes hand in hand with anarchy. Rudeness, lewdness, and mindless obsessions (such as excessive gaming and gettin' tattoo'd) are more signs of barbarism.















Take a look at this creature. This guy somehow managed to accidentally. . .somehow. . .tattoo 56 stars on a girl's face. I can hardly stand to look this pic. It should be intuitively obvious this guy isn't playing with a full deck.


Does not the very nature of his countenance tell you something is seriously wrong here?


'Ah, Jason, but that's just you're opinion.'


In a way, you're right. But I like to think my opinion is based upon Reason and objective principles.


Ultimate fighting, no matter what you think of it, thrives in barbaric cultures. While there certainly is a need to defend yourself, elevating fighting to a national pastime is a little ridiculous.

The trend we see in modern America leads from human to animal. More and more people are acting like beasts rather than acting like God. People are not living according to their spirit (their highest nature) and are being led by their lowest nature (their body or carnal nature.)


One of the purposes of the body-it being composed of matter-is simply to interact with the universe. But driving the car the wrong way inevitably leads to a wreck.


Unless something very significant happens soon, and I'm sure there will be, one of two things will happen.


1-America will turn into a totalitarian state or 2-She will turn into a large mob. Either way, the end result will be complete chaos.


I have hope for the good ol' US of A. Not a lot of hope in people, but hope in God. I hope God has mercy on this land and the country comes to their senses-quick.

16 June 2009

Random Pensees

(1) You cannot change, nor should you try to change, a person's will. To do so is inhumane. God himself doesn't change a person's will and He knows what is best. You can persuade a person and hope they'll change their mind, but that's it.

Another thing.

Too much wooing is disrespectful to both parties. It annoys the woo-ee and degrades the woo-er. This is a good definition of woeful. There's an optimal amount of sugar that helps the medicine go down, but too much honey makes you vomit.

(2) A society that craves nothing but pleasure and lives for nothing else is ripe for tyranny. Making pleasure the end result or goal of Life is just asking for a totalitarian regime.

First comes Democracy. Then comes Socialism. Next comes the dictator in a baby carriage.

Sometimes a pleasure-seeking society skips the tyrannical government and goes straight to chaos. In times past, this was when the barbarians and warlords came visiting during the night. Generally during the drunken revelries, orgies, and post-Thanksgiving dinners.

Whether the tyranny comes or no, the end result is still chaos.

(3) One of the main purposes of Art is to move the soul (your mind, will, emotions, intellect.) To shift the soul's perception and see the parts of Reality not always visible. Art should help people see a part of nature they've never perceived before, and in doing so, see an orderliness or facet of God's nature. This is the difference (and there are others) between good art and bad art. A man who is not moved by good art is spiritually dead or numb due to his own self-interests.

Good art is also a primary vehicle to speak to people who don't God as it affects their nature in a way words do not. Not everyone is persuaded the same way. Some need good music, some need good movies, some need good books, others need a logical exposition. To think there is only one way to persuade people is to severely limit your mind.

15 June 2009

God's Will

I think all people, whether they want to or not, perform the will of God. Whether or not their will is God's will is another matter entirely. I'm not saying God's will is easy. It's best and for our good. To go your own way, even with good intentions and perhaps more pleasure, is still not best. All Christians should have a good idea what God wants for them. If they don't, then they've not been talking with God. For to prefer your own way in spite of knowing God is really to not know God and distance yourself from Him. If you like somebody, it makes sense you take time with them and listen to what they have to say. Doubting God is the direct result of not knowing God.

Everything God wills for a person cannot be known obviously, but I think he sets up signs (even if we don't understand them at first) to keep us on the straight and narrow. Now the thing is, you can convince yourself you're on the right path in Life quite easily. You can even make up signs. Especially if you have an overly logical bent. You know, or feel, uneasy and somewhat confused because you're trying to swim against the flow of the Holy Spirit. You have doubt. Not always in abundance, but if you have this persistent gnawing in your innermost being saying, "This isn't quite right," you should stop and listen to the Holy Spirit for guidance. Bungling ahead isn't good and should you continue rambling ahead, doing what you shouldn't do (or are supposed to do) you're wasting you're time and will experience a great deal of frustration and heartache. Going you're own way may even be easier for a time, but eventually at the end of your days, you'll find out how meaningless it all was.

What you do in Life should be meaningful and productive. A man can spend years doing something important with good intentions, yet still be at odds with the maker of Life.

Doing what you're designed to do isn't necessarily the most pleasurable thing in the world, but it will definately be the most fulfilling. You can think of it as building a city. Each person has their own job to do. To do somebody else's job is to hurt the city as a whole. Not doing your assigned task impedes progress and slows production. Everything is just a little less efficient than it could be.

10 June 2009

Sassafras Tea

Monday, I decided to do a little gathering and hunting. The result was homemade sassafras tea.









These are Sassafras tree roots, dug and pulled from the Earth in 21st century America, and washed with a toothbrush.



Homemade honey. Bought from a wild-looking character from the Morgantown farmer's market. (Come to think of it. . .is honey ever anything other than homemade? Bees make it.)

The roots are then boiled in water until its dark red. Then, its filtered through paper towels, to get rid of dirt particles and microscopic creatures, fungus hyphae, and mixed with honey. The result is a very earthy-tasting sassafras tea.

02 June 2009

Nothing Much Ado

Moving. Again. For the. . .what, 17th time this decade?

I moved this week.

This is a short-term apartment lease for a couple of months long-story please don't ask me any details but it has something to do with the government not funding certain programs I am involved with that requires a certain amount of silence on my part to help maintain the peace kind of situation. Got that?

(If the above isn't a run-on sentence, I don't know what is.)

The new temporary place is most cool. The builders took every available place and put a cabinet, closet, or bed into it. My bed actually is attached to the wall. You simply move a latch and lower it to the floor. The bathroom has a fold-up ladder that drops down from the ceiling to enter the attic. And it's all built close to the ground, and partially underground, so that the effect is a little like Bilbo Baggin's hobbit hole.

The place makes me want to write an adventure story in runes.

I should post some pictures as soon as I find which sock I put my camera in.

Long story. . .

16 May 2009

1984-A Stream of Consciousness

One score and five years ago, 1984 was postponed due to the moral capital stored from previous generations. 2009 is now here and it looks more and more like 1984 all the time, as the Capitol has apparently left town. Some people are optimistic about the now, but most are pessimistic. The optimistic ones, I've noticed, are the ones cloistered in the academian towers living off government research grants, and those pesky Christian people, the real ones, while the rest of society gets gloomier and gloomier day by never ending day. "Whatever happened?". . .or should I say, "Whad Up?" (to conform with the rest of society.) Strangeness. We seem to have forgotten that a proper society needs to be, has to have, the majority of its citizens believing in God, absolute morals, virtues, whatever is Noble, Just, Pure, etc. in order to live and progress. This hasn't happened. As a result, the State becomes the New Idol, complete with warship services and religious-like behavior, and it's citizens fall more and more under totalitarian control overseen by the One, the Big Brother, and his blind followers-we'll call them collectively the Abomination. Maybe not, somebody will think I'm mocking the Obama nation, anyways. Back to reality. When people say they want equality, what they really mean is conformity. When people say they want freedom, they really mean is they want to gratify their immediate sensual needs as they rationalize it by saying, "nobody gets hurt." But society does get hurt. Society never reaches it's potential when people do what they want to do. Once we had the Age of Reason. Was it really reasoning that people did? I think when people say they reason, they really just rationalize their actions, and reasoning and rationalizing are not synonyms. To reason correctly, one must base one's decisions on absolutes, not subjective feelings. Rationalizing is what you do when you get caught with your hands in the cookie jar. This is one reason why lawyers are commonplace. Can such people as 'normal' exist in a society where everyone does as they feel? After all, if what we do is what is in our genes, then we mustn't have any control over our actions. And normal is what the majority of us do. The concept of Right and Wrong becomes meaningless, and abnormal is what we call the minority. Ah, but suppose there was a group of people who based their lives on moral absolutes, then what? In a totalitarian society, it makes no sense to punish the abnormal ones. How do you punish somebody for doing what is innate? You cannot. It's meaningless. No Right, no Wrong, no punishment, no prison, no Guantanamo Bay for you. Somehow, I think I'm beginning to see what goes on in a liberal mind. Punishment is bad, or un-bad, or. . .what? What you can do is help the abnormal ones become normal by hospitalizing them in truth centers. Isn't this what the Soviets did? Hmmm. . .maybe we'll call them psychoadaptation centers run by the government and the tax money generated by the smart people. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. Eat, drink, sleep around, be merry, for tomorrow we may die of Swine Flu. I here the sound of barbarians coming. There seem to be more of those savages running around.

13 May 2009

Flem

Gentle Readers,

The Wigwam is temporarily closed due to flooding, excessive phlegm, high temperatures, and a certain substances that are illegal in Malaysia. Please stay tuned for further developments.

Thank You.

The Management.


Flem.

You should never ever name a little boy-Flem.

Nor Floyd, nor Otis, nor Jim Bob.

To do so is to reveal more about yourself than you ought.

Flem tells people that not only does your family tree look like a telephone pole, it also resembles a Totem pole.

This is bad. This is bad even by Appalachian standards.

I discovered I had a great-grandfather named Buckskin Parrish. I thought. . .actually I didn't know what to think at first. . .But hey, it was the 19th century in very rural America before malls, and Abercrombie and Fitch, and Old Navy. Somebody named Buckskin is somebody you want on your football team to intimidate the others on Friday nights. Lets face it, would you feel comfortable guarding Buckskin? Not if you valued your teeth and had long-range plans to marry a shallow woman who insists on her man having good facial qualities.

11 May 2009

Freedom and Form

Help!
You know I need somebody.
Help!
Not just anybody.

It's almost funny how The One needs God and Jesus to go with his Change, and how swiftly he needs it. He also needs a swift kick in the behind for a change.

Change is inevitable-one of those things you know will happen, and the more one tries to stop it, the quicker it comes when the clog is removed. This is true for governments and toilets. Just ask anyone from the former Soviet Union or Eastern bloc countries. When Change is slow, society tries to fit the new into the old ways of doing things, bad things happen. Like putting new wine into old wine skins, something is bound to burst at the seams. When governments, businesses, industries, church denominations insist on doing things the ways things have always been done-for no apparent reason except fear-creativity is stifled, technology slows, people dress like grandpa, people turn crusty, dry, stagnant, and sleepy. In time, the frustrated Young get restless and chaotic. The churning continues until the boiling point, at which time chaos and anarchy spring forth. . .the Sixties in America was a bursting at the seams kind of thing.

What then do the anarchists do with their new found freedom? Lots of things, some good, some bad, but very interesting to watch. Rockets are interesting to watch too, but sometimes they explode if not guided. Like it or not, Woodstock had some very creative music. Unfortunately, nothing but trash remained and the New York farm looked like the town dump. This is why freedom always has, and always will, need to follow a form. Freedom without order always leads to nothing but ideology. And while ideology sounds good, there's not much you can do with it except make neat slogans and quirky bumper stickers like 'Make Love, not War.'

In order for a society to grow properly, two things are needed.

Freedom-the right to do good without fear of retribution or government interference.

and

Form-something that will be discussed in the next blog entry

Freedom is not 'what I want to do as long as nobody else get hurt.' If you think about it, somebody will ALWAYS get hurt if this is what freedom actually is.

04 May 2009

Swine Flu



Self-Portrait

Scared?

You should be. Mad Pig Disease is here and the pigs are unhappy. Now the Sus domestica are exacting their revenge for years of eating bacon, pork rinds, and ham-burgers.

Ham-burgers-another subtle way of taunting the smelly ungulates. I'm not sure if its actual taunting or not. . .it MAY just be one of the symptoms of MPD. . .we'll call it Whine Flu. The pigs claim it's our nature to taunt and jeer. Sort of like calling those holes in space-Black Holes. Racism, you know. Pure and simple.

I did some reading about pigs and found that when severely stressed, pigs will eat their own young. Sort of like those turn of the century Chicago gangsters- George "Bugs" Moran, Johnny "The Fox" Torrio, Al Capone. The ones everybody swooned, and crooned, and made movies about. The Hogthrobs of America.

Amazing how history repeats itself

27 April 2009

The Definition of Lame

One day a guy is going for a run along the beach and finds a $1 bill. He runs a little further and finds a $10 bill. He runs further and finds a $100 bill. He runs further and faster now seeing something in the distance and he finds a bag of silver. He continues on until he finds a bag of gold. Now the hot sand is burning his feet and blisters have caused his feet to bleed, but he runs further and comes across a bag of diamonds. He keeps going, then comes to a stop as the soles of his feet wear out, bleeding to the tendons and bones.

A guy walks by him and says, "ahhh. . .what shall it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soles."

--Anonymous

(applause)

24 April 2009

Before and After

Before Simon





After Simon
OK. She looks a little better. Sort of in an environmental lawyer or mean middle-school English teacher sort of way. But we'll all miss seeing the down home, earthy, wild and woolly mammoth look that scares the sabres and little children away.

Slow News Month


My cupboard.
Yes, it has a can of sliced octopus tentacles. People say I need to eat more fish, hence the tuna and mackeral.
The pizza sauce is for emergencies.
I have never eaten octopus tentacles before but people say they're like fish-flavored gum. We'll see. I'll try one and report. If nothing significant happens like them tasting like chicken, I will take them to work and feed them to an un-named co-worker I'll call Mikey.
Mikey eats anything. When Mikey is hungry he still eats anything. Yesterday Mikey told me he was pregnant. Mikey is a male and confused about life at times. His roomies are trying to get him fat by feeding him donuts, chocolate, and avocados. Mikey thinks avocados are healthy and nutritious. Mikey doesn't know avocados are loaded with calories. Yesterday, Mikey weighed 198.5 lbs. His roomies told me their goal was 250 lbs.
Stay tuned for more Mikey updates.

21 April 2009

I Do

I, Jason, solemnly swear to never eat okra, corn, diced tomatoes, saffron rice, and cheap imported hot sauce ever again in my lifetime. So help me Pepto.

This is one reason why it is not good for man to be alone in the kitchen. Men by nature are curious and enjoy mixing things together that shouldn't be mixed together. Even if the things eventually get mixed in the stomach. Adam, see, originally had a gizzard (in addition to a stomach) so this wasn't much of a problem. The problem began when he got off work early from his taxonomy job and took a nap. God, being curious himself, took out the gizzard and made a fe-male, which is kind of like a regular male but they don't have gizzards. Actually, after this period of time neither had gizzards and so equality was achieved, but that's beside the point. The point is, the fe-male being a bit more refined, knew that eating cacti, or whatever okra is, isn't best for human consumption and apples, oranges, and those fancy salads women always persuade you to get at the Olive Garden are where its at. Unfortunately, one day she ate the wrong apple and. . .this is all theory. . .started the downfall of the human race.

Going John Galt

The Doers are going on strike. Obama's plan to increase taxes on the >$250,000/year crowd for mysterious and mystical reasons is backfiring. Apparently, the Doers are growing sick and tired of the Moochers and Looters mooching and looting the Doers and begging for handouts. You think the Great One knew this basic fact of human nature? Perhaps he skipped class that day in Socialism 101.

Dentist, physicians, engineers and many others who contribute useful stuff to this country are cutting back on hours due to the fact they don't want Uncle Sam to get all the money they make. Just like in the book Atlas Shrugged. . .all 1,200 pages of it.

The Moos and the Loos, using their trailer park wisdom, really truly need to stop their nonsense and get with the program. It gets very irritating, (I see this happening more so today than a decade ago), trying to carry on a conversation with somebody who thinks Manitoba is an imaginary land like Atlantis. (Yes, this actually happened this past week.)

18 April 2009

The Random Sentence Generator

Thanks to the Kludge, I've been perusing random sentences in a personal quest for meaning. This site, here, lets you make up interesting and sometimes thought-provoking phrases that read like the Tibetan Book of Zen Ecclesiastes.

Some favorites:

Does the semantic employer combat the irritating rod?

I don't know, but I dreaded corporal punishment with those switches grandma beat me with. . .she taught English, btw.

Does a hero riot inside its permitted decay?

I think it has something to do with Superman talking to himself on the way to get a cavity filled.

A liquid insult runs before the highest principal.

Don't drink-especially before going to the principal's office.

The chap enlightens a freeing substitute without a body.

Aspartame is bad. Ghosts eating aspartame is even badder.

The suffering nature encloses a crazy choice.

The more bad choices in Life, the crazier your retirement years will be???

The ready idiot handicaps a zero universe.

Hmm. . .if the sum total of all the potential and kinetic energy in the universe is convertible to mass and everything tends to entropy and chaos, and Murphy's Law be true, then. . .aw heck. . .this requires too much higher math and hallucinogenic substances for me to understand.

15 April 2009

Tea and Pirates



Has anybody else noticed there seems to be a lot of tea parties and pirates lately?


You would think piracy ended about. . .oh, say 150 years ago. . .along with horse-drawn carriages and unicorns. Alas, tis not to be. In a way, I'm not surprised. With all the scruffiness in style now and all the new water sports in the Olympics, I figured it was only a matter of time before the Capt. Bluebeard wanna-be's started patrolling the high seas looking for gold, jewels, and discounted tuna.


According to an entry in Wikipedia about Somalian piracy:



The attackers generally treat their hostages well in anticipation of a big payday to the point of hiring caterers on the shores of Somalia to cook spaghetti, grilled fish and roasted meat that will appeal to a Western palate.



OK. So being a hostage has its perks. Being held captive on a pirate ship must be like going to the federal prisons aristocrats and congressmen go to. Free food, free room and board, good fly-fishing, and all the shuffleboard you can handle.




14 April 2009

Tax Day Eve

Today on the Virginia Beach Craigslist:

Have (1) cow skull $25. Sun bleached white- some upper teeth. No horns and no lower jaw.

There are some very disturbed people living near me.

13 April 2009

The Takeover

A society has freedom and order only if it is built on a moral base- a morality based on God's intrinsic nature. The only countries to have freedom and order have been those based on God’s moral principles. Since people need order more than they need freedom, and since order tends to chaos, any society will naturally fall if left long enough. When people perceive an increase in chaos they yearn for more order. This order can only come from one of two sources-the government or the Church. With increasing chaos, people look to government to control the disorder-more police, more programs, higher taxes to pay for the programs, more judges, more lawyers-things that don’t really contribute as much to society as the Arts and Sciences. When people want more order, they will gladly give up some freedom to get it. This is one reason why the Democrats are in the majority now.

Some signs of a falling nation:

Decadence-A lower standard in TV, movies, music.

Rising mediocrity.

An obsession with sex, food, and glitzy glamorous thing, i.e. bling.

A lower quality in the standard of life.

Many people acting and talking alike-(if everybody’s thinking alike, nobody’s really thinking.) One can call it the Monkey Syndrome.

An increase in laws. Some things are intuitively obvious, yet in an increasingly perverted society, people purposely ignore the intuitively obvious (natural laws) and as a result exhibit mental problems galore. One can repress the fact there’s a rhinoceros in the room, but given enough time you can be sure that same one will develop strange habits and squirrel-like tendencies.

The time for an authoritarian government is practically upon us. For years we’ve been conditioned to act, talk, speak, and think alike and have had a type of morality called Humanism preached to us for decades. Sometimes this has been called Moral Relativity, a set of ‘morals’ as defined by the majority and not based on the unchanging morals of God’s nature. Over time, we’ve turned from humans to machines and anybody with some sense knows machines are more easily controlled and manipulated than free-will agents.

The time is nearly ripe for the Takeover.

First, there’s the control of the Media. Second, there must be an economic meltdown. Third, there must come a difficulty in obtaining basic goods and services- food.

The difficulty in getting food, (and there really needn’t be an actual food shortage, simply a belief in a food shortage), will be the point for an authoritarian regime to take control.

It’s really the only time.

07 April 2009

Newport News News






Some pictures from work.
The top picture is something we discovered in one of the old log books. We think it may be valuable.

New Vieux

OK. So I haven't been writing much lately. Actually I have, but not here. Most of it has been in a little black book from the skin of a dead reptile. (I'm pretty sure the reptile was a fake.) I promise to write more soon. Very soon.

(5 minutes later)

Back. What has Puddleglum been up to? Working, working, working, and working. Sometimes I've managed to sleep and dream about drowning or driving an SUV along a river during flooding and being overcome by water when the road washes out. Am I scared in the dreams? No, I find it mildly amusing and quite interesting. Am I fearful about the economy? Nope. Another thing that is mildy amusing. I expected the economy to go bad. Too many moochers mooching inevitably leads to chaos. Next, there will come the food shortage crisis. After that will come more government interference. And after that, will come something like marshall law and a new system of government. Just like ancient Rome, it's nothing new.

If you're still interested, I pulled exactly two white hairs from the right side of my head this morning and didn't feel the least fearful in doing so. Hmm. . .what else. I spent some time filming the little grey squirrels in my backyard. There are 5 total and very young. I think their parents got ran over or eaten by the neighbor's cat because these little furry creatures don't act like normal squirrels. The spent a great deal of time chasing one another around the big oak and wrestling. Then they crawl up the tree and sleep, letting their paws droop so that they look all the world like they're dead.

26 March 2009

Equality

EQUALITY.

by me.

Everyone should be equally poor or rich and look alike, dress alike, think alike, speak alike. . .etc. Soon, they'll be giving us all numbers instead of names. Numbering people, see, treating them like machines, makes them easier to keep track of, control, and manipulate.

Efficiency, efficiency, efficiency.

Don't you know that an authoritarian government operates best under these conditions? How can one expect there to be ORDER in society with everyone doing they're own thing!
Change can be hard, I know, but we all must contribute to the equality of society.

I'm off to the doctor's office now. I'm making a brain donation to the Have Nots. So don't be surprised if my comments start tobecomerandom generizzzed, and inkoherentt in the FuTuREE. OKAy???

24 February 2009

Missio Dei



I spent the last week fasting. No food. Just water, tea, coffee, and anything you can mix in a blender that doesn't require flossing afterwards. A very religious woman once told me you don't feel hunger after 3 days. She lied. After 6 days you can smell a carrot underground from 200 feet away and consider rabbits as the enemy. The Gospels expect Christians to fast, which seems strange, but remember the Gospels were written in a predominately Middle Eastern culture and the customs are somewhat different than ours.
The Gospel, or the Good News, is Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. . .Not Stuff White People Like, as Americans believe. It's easier to feel God when you're fasting. I think this is because you feel like you're going to die and people start feeling very holy when this happens as Ezekiel of old apparently did. Notice that his strange visions of the bright shining creatures took place after a time of fasting. Also notice that an angel put a live coal in his mouth and told him to eat a flying scroll-solid foods. Well, not really food. . .yet he said the scroll tasted like honey. . .until indigestion set in.
I also discovered that during fasting one has a tendency to get quite logical and go on starch and rescue missions looking for edible things to place in the mouth that, strictly-speaking, are not food. Dating is also difficult-not that I would really know-but others told me of cruising the local roads with the windows down huffing fumes from McDonalds and Wendys.
Quite often, one gets strange dreams and visions. Once, after four days, the Lord spoke to me in a dream and said,

"Arise, my son. Go ye into the marketplace and there prepare me a sacrifice. Take a bird, set it in the flames, and roast it for a time, times, and half a time at 350 degrees. Then anoint it with bbq sauce and consume the flesh of the beast, then you will have the strength of men and angels. Go now. Make haste. And fear not the eyes of mortal men for I am with you-thus sayeth the Lord."

I heeded the Voice. To obey is better than sacrifice you know, and arose from my bed. Put on my sacks and ashes. . .and sauntered into Krogers with bent back and bowed head. I felt like a weary pilgrim returning to the Holy Land. . .although the sunglasses kind of took away the effect.
I found the creature (just as the Lord described) wrapped in swaddled plastic and laying in a bed of ice. It was a trite little beast, barely the size of a man's hand. I held the dainty creature to my bosom and solemnly walked to the checkout. . .and laid the beast upon the counter and piously watched as it slowly moved towards the cashier.
My hands were clenched. . .tears welled in my eyes. . .and as I lifted mine eyes to give thanks unto the Lord for this creature sent from heaven. I noticed the cashier was a lady from the church.
She looked at me and said, "Say. I know you. You're that quiet fellow always sitting in the back. You're not gonna eat this thing, are ya. We're supposed to be fasting"

I put my hands to my lips and replied, "Shhh. . .quiet. . .can't. . .can't speak now. . .You. . .don't understand. . .You see. . .I'm on a mission from God."

20 February 2009

18 Random Facts About Me

1. I've always wanted to be dictator over a small 3rd-world country in South America.

2. I really like Khaki and own 5 pairs of Khaki pants more-or-less identical to one another.

3. I'm somewhat egotistical and have grandiose plans.

4. Guns, missiles, rockets, and small cannon fire fascinate me.

5. When I was 13-years-old, I built a shoulder-mounted rocket launcher.

6. When I was 13-and a half years-old, the only reason I wasn't sent to a juvenile detention center was because the county judge was golfing that day.

7. I like golf and merciful assistant magistrates.

8. I often envision myself on national currency.

9. I think Parrish should be the capital of France.

10. After reading Julius Caesar's Gallic Wars, I felt like I could have offered him some suggestions.

11. Sometimes I practice lecturing 100,000 people in a large courtyard while standing on a balcony. One hand is raised, the other is behind my back concealing crossed fingers.

12. My reasons for studying Spanish in high school were more than utilitarian.

13. I often have dreams of living underground in something like a bunker. I tell myself that avoiding the sun's radiation will prolong my life and give me a good complexion, but never am truly convinced this is the right reason.

14. Relatives tell me I live in my own world and to stop day-dreaming. When I do, the same relatives tell me. . ."Maybe you should go back to your own little world." This is often said with furrowed brow and tone of voice used when discussing death and taxes.

15. In 1999, I spent a month in Asia. The national elections took place my last day there. The Communist Party was elected to a majority and that night the streets were filled with crowds of people waving red flags. The group leader told us to "maintain a low profile because it might not be a good idea if they knew we were Americans."

16. In 2001, I joined the Peace Corps and was supposed to go to Sub-Sahara Africa and teach agriculture to people who had done it for 4-5,000 years. I moved to southern West Virginia instead. I figured the pay rate was better, but never could quite grasp the language and cultural barrier.

17. Believe it or not, I have never done drugs and with the exception of a single margarita. . .and a few bottles of Robotussin. . .have never drunk anything alcoholic.

18. It would be neat to begin my memoirs with 'It was the best of tmes. It was the worst of times. It was time to raise the taxes.'

16 February 2009

Some of my current thoughts

Bad ideas are still bad even even they're popular. The Bailout comes to mind. The Right to do something doesn't mean it's the right thing to do. Abortion comes to mind. An absolute monarchy is the best form of government, unfortunately good kings are hard to come by so we must compromise and go with a democracy. Where we all watch one another-it's the checks and balances thing. The more laws a society, the more immoral is that society. There are no laws against faith, hope, and love, but with their absence, lawyers can make a killing. For every virtue, there are two vices. Tolerance is good, intolerance is bad, as is soft-headedness. America is leaning more and more towards soft-headedness and needs to be righted. A bad government is better than no government for with no government it is only a matter of time before people do want they want and say what they mean. And mean people often have louder voices than nice people and do what they want. People say you cannot legislate immorality, but this is nonsense. For all laws are based on moral principles. It's one of the needed assumptions one must when setting up such things as constitutions. If morals are relative (and not absolute), then laws are merely subject to the interpretation of whoever wears the black robe and holds the hammer. A society with meaningless laws, subjective laws, can only lead to chaos and ruin. If one looks to the logical endpoint of this kind of society, the black robed man will exchange the hammer for a sickle an make everybody equally grim whether they like it or not. If Darwinism is valid, then Hitler was perfectly justified in killing six million Jews. This might seem scary, yet it is the logical endpoint of the theory. First go the fetuses (after all they're not fully human yet). Next comes the terminally ill (if we call it euthanasia they'll never know). Then comes the senior citizens (who have nothing to contribute to Society). Finally comes the Undesirables (with their aberrant DNA polluting the system). Does anyone venture to guess who comes next?

09 February 2009

Work




For those of you who want to know what exactly it is I do all day, this gives you some idea.



Today's sign of the Apocalypse: I saw a sign saying '...Buck's Coffee." (The Star lights were out.) Somehow I don't business was doing well there. Something about Mint Mocha Chip Frappuccino® blended coffee with Chocolate Whipped Cream made by Buck just does not seem right.


Blogging is what a taste of heaven will be like. People blog because they want to be known, especially by their writings. People read blogs, and write in general, to be known. All this is a foreshadowing of things to come. In heaven, we'll pretty much know everyone else as they really are. And some of the strangest and quietest people you see will be (surprise, surprise) very very interesting.

Camel: For Sale



My roommate is selling a camel on the Norfolk Craigslist.

-It would be a great investment and an excellent conversation starter.

-Satisfy you're inner nomad.

-For there's a little Sheik in all of us.

The beast of burden is a little over two feet tall, and looks to be hand-carved. We took more pictures, unfortunately they all looked more like a horse, greyhound, or something from Star Wars.

27 January 2009

The Laundromat

8:05 AM

Soap-N-Sudz. Saturday morning. Snotty nose little boys with dry phlegmmy noses play Tag. I’m home but my heart is not in it. I move the other side and sit near a fellow my age who hasn’t shaved in 3 days. I tell myself he’s a closet celebrity but my heart tells me otherwise. He resembles Johnny Depp. I call him el Pirata. Woman walks in. Woman has a goatee. Rub eyes. Nope. Vision still good. 20/20. . .which now is not a good thing.

8:07 AM

Reading fascinating article on the evolution of ceramic cats in last November’s ‘Good Housekeeping.’ Shaggy goatee person enters. This time it’s a man. Inspects quarter machine. Talks to quarter machine. Pounds on quarter machine. Kicks quarter machine. Confusion.

8:13 AM

The little old man carries a brown paper sac and looks around. He has no clothes. . .aside from the forty pounds of dirty rags on his back. He sounds very articulate, unfortunately I cannot recognize his language-nor apparently does anyone else. He talks to himself and spies me in the corner avoiding humanity.

“HowareyadoingSonny?” he says.

Not wanting to make polite conversation I reply “Me no Sonny. Me llamo Miguel Perez.”
Little man isn’t deterred. He rambles on.

“YoubefromMexicoSonny?”

“Si, Si.”

He nods and visits el Pirata.

8:25 AM

Three Mexicans walk in. Stereotypic thoughts fill my mind. Dark thoughts vex my soul. Ruffians. Vagabonds. Miscreants. Hamper thieves. They look like el Pirata’s older brothers. Old man points to me. I chant the Litany Against Fear and hum a dirge.
A scripture verse comes to mind. ‘Yea though I walk though the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I will speak softly and carry a big stick.’ Somehow this seems apropos at the moment if not perfectly exegetical. I notice the goatee woman has a stick, a curvy white one. She’s preoccupied with a Golden Retriever sporting a fanny pack. I make my move. Dog barks. Teeth snaps. Blood is drawn.

9:00 AM

Chesapeake Volunteer General Daughters of the King and Queen May-She-Live-Forever Hospital Emergency Ward for Disenfranchised Minorities and Minimal Out-Patient Surgery Center. I feel warm when I see a ‘We ‘heart’ ‘hearts’ sign on the door. Nurse. Kindly nurse with missing front teeth. Her name tag reads ‘My name is Ell.’ I figure she’s missing a letter or trying to curse like the British.

“HowareyadoingSonny?” she says.

The misery continues.

22 January 2009

Meer Chow


Meer flakes, surprisingly, do not taste like chicken. Nor do they taste like the other white meat. In fact, Meer flakes don't taste meaty at all. Rather, they have a vanilla-ish chocolaty taste like hard dry donuts sitting on the table too long.

18 January 2009

My Roommate

video

Please pray for me.

My nerves will thank you. . .

12 January 2009

The Casual Tortoise



Last Saturday, I sold my little silver Mazda's camper to some fellow Craigslisters. Now, the Casual Tortoise seems naked and homeless. I forget how sprightly she drove-something like a newly shorn sheep-or mountain goat. Perhaps one day she get another house to carry on her back, but for now, the little lady needs the rest. No need for back trouble at the tender age of 5-years.
I've been reading Travels with Charley by John Steinbeck. It's better than I thought it would be-actually it's quite hilarious and should be read, and re-read, and canonized lest we forget what the Land of the Brave used to be like.
Another book I finished over the week-end was the second novel in the Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan. There's a fellow called Ba'alzemon who coincidentally dies on page 666. Don't know if this was planned or not, but it's still freaky.

11 January 2009

Mantyhose

It exists. Amazing, but true. Pantyhose for men. I figure it is something like a bro-ssiere. Apparently, it is common in Europe and has slowly, but surely, making its way West. Rumour has it if one farts in the things, they expand like a balloon. I'm not sure I believe this, as I've never worn mantyhose-or pantyhose. The closest I've come is long-underwear, which (thankfully) has a trap-door for releasing excess carbon and methane. The good thing about the expanding mantyhose hypothesis is that it lowers your carbon footprint. The bad news is if you're a smoker, you stand a very good chance of singing your eyebrows as methane is quite the flammable substance. I have a hard time seeing smoking cowboys wearing mantyhose. Somehow seeing somebody from Boston is much easier, and I can definitely see a Frenchman donning the sheerness and lighting the Marlboros. But farting? I think not. French men do not pass gas. Instead, they merely talk rude and expel fumes that way. It's safer you know.

08 January 2009

The Bidding Started at $10



I should have got suspicious when the 'buy now' option said shipping and handling included.

But it was bright and shiny.

The E-bay listing said it came straight from Hong Kong, and I figured if $100 Nikes from Hong Kong could be purchased for $5, why not luxury watches?

Very bright and shiny.

So looking on the bright side-if I wear the Cadillac (actual name) with a long-sleeve shirt, and the lighting isn't that good, and one doesn't know too much about luxury watches, and one sees it for only a second or so, then it might, just possibly, pass for a very nice, expensive, bona fide luxury watch straight from Switzerland.

Yes Sir. . .shiny and bright.

I spent twenty minutes of my life removing a link. In doing so, actually-somehow-managed to bend the stainless steel back, which wasn't hard to do considering it was thinner than a can of tuna fish.

Hmm. . .tuna fish. . .too wordy. . .when one says 'tuna'-does it not kind of imply 'fish'???

It's not the cheapest watch I've ever won. That dubious honor belongs to the quality timepiece found in a box of Chex cereal from my middle school days. And to think I was proud to wear it-till the others starting mocking and taunting me.

The Cadillac is not that bad of a watch-not for $10.

Aside from the number 12 being somewhat blurry due to being assembled before the ink dried, and the roman numeral VI being upside down, and one of the small silver bars in the 1 O'clock position overlapping the 'C' in Cadillac. . .like I said. . .if the lighting isn't that great. . .






































Movie Test

This is a test.

This is a test of the Puddleglum's Wigwam blogmaster seeing if this movie file actually works.

I repeat-this is only a test.


video

05 January 2009

Restlessness

It may be due in part to the Internet age.

I'm referring to this apparent re-wiring of my brain that makes it want to skim news articles and magazines. It might also be due to the fact I am the proud owner of a 35-year-old brain that keeps on thinking the same things in a never-ending cycle.

One of these ceaseless thoughts is that we are something like cats and dogs to the Angels. We're their pets. This would explain why bad things happen to good people. I don't claim to have ever seen an angel, but would I know it if I did? Cats consider humans to be other cats so it only makes sense that we'd consider angels as other humans. There have been times when I've felt someone or something watching me-something unseen-but it's been years since that happened.

Something happens to a man as he ages. He acquires an uncanny ability to sense other people before he sees them. He also knows-sometimes-what the other fellow is thinking and whether or not they're in good relations with God.

I don't think this happens with everyone though.

Spending a great deal of time by oneself-which I do-not watching TV or going to the movies, I think sensitizes ones ability to perceive other's inner man. . .their soul and their spirit.

With soul being another name for the mind and spirit the inner flame, rather like a pilot light, that keeps one living.

Another thought that keeps churning around is that life on Earth is really training for the next Life. We're developing our muscles, training our minds, modifying our spiritual DNA to do things that we cannot truly fathom.

Restlessness.

A body at rest tends to stay at rest, and a body in motion tends to stay in motion. The poor keep getting poorer, and the rich keep getting richer. The smart keep getting smarter, and the ignorant still insist on doing doing those earthy things they do.

Man, above all, is designed to make God happy sort of like our pets make us happy-but in quite a different manner. Watching the 3 squirrels in my backyard, believe it or not, help give me this idea. It would be cool to get them to talk. Perhaps this is one reason why speaking in tongues is so important. It's training our inner man to do stuff at the next stage in Life. Like wearing a mask or getting braces-if one does it long enough, eventually the body adapts to the new shape and forgets the old.

01 January 2009

Bringing Up Boys.









On the last day of 2008, while waiting for General Tso and his famous chicken, I wandered into the used bookstore next door and purchased this. Being a former boy, and the fact that 99% of the other used books were cheap romance novels, were my main reasons.

It's quite an interesting read.