13 March 2013

Pope Fiction

Just received a lot of fiction books in the mail at approximately the SAME EXACT time the new pope was elected.

Pulp Fiction...Pope Fiction....Coincidence?..


I'm sure there's a conspiracy theorist out there somewhere who can explain the mysteriousness of it all.

08 March 2013

Training for the Olympics

More Training  Advice: (Because it’s Friday and I’ve nothing better to do except look at a hundred microscope slides of dead arthropods at work…and my eyeballs hurt)

This is guaranteed to make one a much faster runner.

1-Sell all your worldly possessions and move to the Himalayas in Northern Nepal.

2-Buy a tea house and learn Nepali…I’ve a phrase book if you want.

3-Spend the first six months running from the tea house to the nearest village twice a day.

*note: this should be at an altitude no less than 15,000 feet

4-By this time your hemocrit level should reach illegal levels according to the International Olympic Committee which is where you want to be.

5- Rest for one week and read ‘War and Peace’ in the original Russian.

6-(Time for speedwork) MWF for the next 3 months, run 3*1 mile repeats uphill. Wear Sketchers, Wal-Mart jorts, and tube socks…and a weight vest if you can find one whilst training. This will curb any doubts left in the mind of others that you are in fact crazy…quite crazy…and the natives won’t bother you. TThS and S you should run easily 8-10 miles on a dirt trekking path.

7-Take 3 days off and make yak jerky…you’ll need the protein. It’s prolly a good time to make sure your oxygen-generating machine is working as well.

8-The last three months, run 20*400m repeats with 45sec rest in a tea plantation. Ideally you’ll want a big bull yak in there to keep you wary and alert. This will train your fast twitch muscle fibers in a way simply running around your typical American high school track won’t. Do this 3 days a week while resting the other three. One day a week should be a long run…I’m thinking a round-trip jog to Everest and back should do the trick…and take a bag of candy.

9-By now you should have the lung capacity of a Diplodocus, blood so thick with red blood cells you need a pacemaker, and muscles that rival Madonna’s biceps. So…then it will the optimum time you run a 5000m PR.
Good Luck>

06 March 2013

Scientia Potentia est?

Ok.  I got it now.  

Knowledge is Power. 

Power according to physicists is Work divided by Time. So, Knowledge is also Work divided by Time. Or (to rearrange the equation)

Knowledge (Time) = Work

Knowledge is also equivalent to Google

So as Time increases on Google, Work increases

But statistics show as Time increases on Google, Work decreases.

But stats lie.

So, as Time increases on Google, Work really does increase.

Interestingly, the Journal of Women’s Studies reports that as Work increases, Money ($) decreases.

Therefore, the more the Work, the less the Money ($).

And the less the Money ($), the less the Power.

Furthermore, since Power corrupts and Absolute Power corrupts absolutely, (whether for good or evil depending on your viewpoint), it goes to show the less Power, the less one is corrupted absolutely.

Hence one becomes poor (less $) with a corresponding lack of Knowledge.

To further complicate matters: Ignorance is Strength (as we all know from Orwell’s ‘1984’)…the less Knowledge you have the stronger you are.  And the stronger you are, the more Work you can do…as long as you don’t expect to get paid for it.

Hmmm…maybe I SHOULD go into politics…

Art is Important

Art and Beauty provokes the inner part of man, the soul and spirit, in a way laws, philosophical systems, and programs cannot. The experience of viewing, participating in, Art allows one to catch a glimpse of heaven from our fallen state. It touches on one of those thin places in reality. Man sees through this translucent veil where the physical plane meets the spiritual plane and cannot help but long for his eternal home. All men know intuitively they are broken (whether they admit it or not) and see a glimmer of what they could be as the spiritual realm acts as kind of a mirror reflecting the ideal. Beauty sparks the imagination and practice of men to make their own thin places that aren't a dream, but a transforming reality.

05 March 2013

Brothers' Odd

(On Craigslist today)....Pterodactyl Handler: Looking for someone to train my pet pterodactyl. I've got a custom titanium saddle and 14" cattle prods. Experienced trainers only. Text or call xxx-xxx-xxxx.

(There are some weird people in Morgantown)


There is no reason to sit around daydreaming thinking circular thoughts that carry no meaning. Life is meant to be an on-going forward progress. So go and reconquer your kingdom, which has become seeped in mediocrity. Stop repeating the same routines. You won't learn anything new that way.