20 April 2010


I saw this little creature on youtube and decided I want one as a pet. The only thing I need is one river and a bag of otter chow.

16 April 2010

Buffalo Burgers

I went to Trader Joes this morning meaning to purchase a fan. I needed a new fan to blow smoke fumes outside-now that the stove is fixed. I've never been a smoker of tobacco products-just stuff like meat, eggs, mushrooms, leeks, onions, and various other members of the plant/animal/fungus/mineral kingdoms...basically anything that requires heating in a cast-iron skillet.

I thought Trader Joes was a discount store, but it's not. It's a grocery store that specializes in organic, green, environmentally-friendly, and bio-degradable food. It also sells Dentyne but I don't think Dentyne is bio-degradable unless you live near Chernobyl or Three-mile Island.

At first, I thought to leave without buying anything, but as everybody knows you cannot enter a grocery store without making a purchase. You can't say, "Oh, I'm just looking," like you can sometimes do at 7-11 from the hours between midnight and six A.M....at least without a straight face and a mask of some sort.

Since I had all the food and Dentyne I desired, I explored the aisles looking at the non-pesticided, free-ranging, organic plants and dead animals for sale. I discovered some buffalo meat labeled, 'raised without antibiotics or hormones.' Which I thought was a swell idea as injecting a creature 6 foot high at the shoulder, covered with black bristly hair, and sporting tusks with steroids was never a good idea. I figure guys like this already have enough issues in life.

Six hours later, in an experiment the likes of which I shall never try again, I drove to the neighboring park to run 6 miles. I won't say how far I got but I can assure you there is a very good reason why you never see any Olympic gold medalist attribute their performance to bison cheeseburgers on rye bread.

15 April 2010

I must buy this today.

"As foretold by ancient prophets, an apocalypse destroyed Earth during the twenty-first century. But two thousand years later Elyon set upon the Earth a new Adam. This time, He gave humanity an advantage. What was once unseen became seen. It was good and it was called . . . Green. But the evil Teeleh bided his time in a Black Forest. Then, when least expected, twenty-four-year-old Thomas Hunter fell asleep in our world and awoke in that future Black Forest."

Green: The Beginning and the End (Thorndike Press Large Print Christian Fiction)
by Ted Dekker

09 April 2010

Dear Noah Webster

Dear Noah Webster,

You know that big book you wrote about the English language?

Yeah...the one with about 200 additions?

Nobody reads it anymore.

You should write another one with pictures and hieroglyphics and post it on Facebook along with coupons for free Happy Meals.