29 November 2012

Coy Koi

Day 29: Today I am thankful for good ol' American currency which, yes, you can fold into a catfish in your spare time.

27 November 2012


Just out of curiosity: Have you ever liked someone but told yourself that you didn't like them because they're not necessarily your preconceived type, even though that other person actually is your type. . .not yet. . .but certainly in the future. And you go out of your way to show that this other person is merely a good friend and that nothing will ever happen between the two of you, though you secretly wish it would. . .sometimes, yet not always. . .and not quite yet for reasons you're unable to articulate clearly. And that even though the chemistry between the two of you is perfect, if you got any closer. . .it would be less than perfect. . .and if you grew further apart it would also be less than perfect, though in a different way.

And that the other person feels exactly the same way?

And you know it. And they know it. And you know that they know what you know, and know that you know they know that you both know it. And neither one of you can do anything about it. And even to think about it is to commit some type of cultural or psychological taboo, because talking about it would simply spoil the perfect chemistry and so, as a result, you both end up not talking about this subject ever and try not to so much as even think or dwell about it, except on an unconscious level?

I think this is what the two protons in a helium atom go through and why large atoms are very unstable.

Day 27

Today I am thankful for the Bermuda Triangle, Nessie, the U.S. Tax Code, Yetis, vanishing hitchhikers, crop circle technicians, and a fertile imagination that is prone to fantasy-like tendencies. I'm especially thankful I'm an introvert which has saved me from getting slapped on numerous occasions.

More thankfulness: (Since I’m feeling especially nice today)

I’m really thankful for spam…real spam…as opposed to regular spam, or SPAM spam, and certainly not the other spam, but the original spam. I’m also thankful for unambiguosityness in English, unlike…say english, or English english, or THE English. Don’t get me wrong-I’m thankful for THE English, but some English takes precedence over other englishes and Englishness in general.

20 November 2012

Day 21

Today I am thankful for the fact I just discovered I’m a direct descendant of the great Genghis Khan. Somehow, I think the DNA test I took was in error as the only two things I share in common with the great Mongol Horde leader are a predilection for little furry horses and a love of rice pudding.

Even More Thankfulness

Day 20: Today I am thankful for chicle…the perfect chemical. That's what chewing gum is made from. Chicle has the same consistency as squid, except chicle grows in trees and won't squirt you with ink, nor will a chicle tree try to eat you should you fall overboard. Leon Trotsky, the Bolshevik revolutionary, said chicle-chewing was a way for Capitalism to keep the working man from thinking too much. Lenin, a prominent chicle fan, promptly smacked him in the head and made him an un-person. Incidentally, chicle means ‘glue’ in Hindi…but this may be a mere coincidence.

19 November 2012

More Thankfulness

Day 19: Thankful for commas, semi-colons, regular colons, clean colons, periods, tildas, proper use of the CAPS LOCK key, the word 'discombobulate,' gerunds, non-dangling participles, most adjectives, Noah Webster, participial phrases, intransitive verbs, and the ancient Phoenicians.

I only wish others shared my enthusiasm.

17 November 2012


Day 17: Thankful for the extinction of the Twinkie phenomenon, gortex kilts, tame cattle, corduroy, facial yoga, Kim Kardashian, platypuses, Cindi Lauper memorabilia, the Syriac Vulgate, Costa Rican bananas, and Stewart and Stark's 'Nymphs of North American Stonefly Genera (Plecoptera)' which has affected my life in more profound ways than the astrology column in Cosmopolitan ever could.

And also commas.

12 November 2012

Forty-one miles.

That's how far I ran Saturday.

On asphalt.

Fueled by PowerBars, coffee, bananas, Gatorade, and pretzels.

Today I am in pain-not acute, nail-in-your-foot pain, just an overall aching sort of feeling in the quadriceps.

Below is a clip from the local news showing the early part of the race before mass feet carnage overwhelmed everybody. I also got interviewed...though she spelled my name wrong. I'm in the blue shirt running behind the blond girl for moral support.

http://www.wboy.com" title="WBOY.com: Clarksburg, Morgantown: News, Sports, Weather">WBOY.com: Clarksburg, Morgantown: News, Sports, Weather

I'll definitely try to run run of these again...not 24-hours (I stopped at 12 hours)...but certainly a 50-miler in the coming months.

After all, I kinda' look forward to seeing more hallucinations and images of the Virgin Mary in the sidewalk.

08 November 2012

Life is Amazing

At noon, I decided to visit Wal-Mart in search of a headlamp, gold wrapping paper, fruits and vegetables, and fluorescent duct tape. The food and headlamp is for the 24-hour race this week-end (yes-you heard right...24 hours of non-stop forward progress...a man needs hobbies you know) and the yellow wrapping paper is for the colossal origami rhinoceros beetle I'm making.

Long story.

Upon arrival I noticed a nilla wafer in the parking lot by my Mazda. I looked around, saw nobody was watching, and...ate it.

I have no logical explanation.

A couple of steps later another nilla wafer made its presence. As before (nobody was watching) I quickly popped it into my mouth. The sugar rush made me walk faster and faster until

"Lo! What's this," I cried.

Another nilla wafer directly in my path.

I ate it.

Finally, I made the door and got a shopping cart. Wouldn't you know it...there were two nilla wafers sitting there looking pretty on top of some unused coupons for coconut-flavored Insure. Just before eating them, (I was ravenous by this time), a homeless lady wearing pink pants and pink jacket approached me. The hungry look in her eye told me she wanted the wafers.

I hurried on and found the headlamp in the sporting goods department, right beside the backpacks, penknives, another nilla wafer (which I ate), and, curiously enough, three large cherries. No Wal-Mart associates were in sight so I decided to eat these as well. At the same moment, the pink homeless lass came into my aisle, turned blue in the face when she saw my cherry-stained lips, and started to run.

Now, there's something you should know about me. I like running. And when I eat enough nilla wafers and carbo-load on cherries, something comes over me and I start seeing hallucinations and auras. Sugar high perhaps?

I chased the pink (now blue) bag lady into the women's undergarments sections and got disoriented. This section makes me giddy. I suppose if I were married it would be like standing in my wife's closet, but I'm more or less a non-confirmed monkish bachelor this would not be a problem. Fortunately, (you may think I'm exaggerating now), a 7th nilla wafer lay somewhat hidden under some socks and this I ate as well.

The bag lady, now red with rage, threw a $20 purse at me and chased me all the way to electronics, past the cat food section, the paper towel section, and finally to the layaway dept, where I escaped into the bathroom.

I like Wal-Mart bathrooms. They have nilla wafer dispensers on all the walls. Which is why sometimes there actually is a free lunch if you're a homeless fellow.

In case you're wondering, no, there is no hidden meaning here.
Michael Palin for President 2016

05 November 2012

Dear Readers

Today is a good day to start being nice to others, especially if they believe in unicorns, watch Nascar, and like professional wrestling.

And if you see that 40-year-old man at Wal-Mart who still lives at home with his parents and rides the mechanical horse all day...by all means...be friendly.


Five days.

That's how much time exists between me and my first ultra-marathon.

Saturday, I'm running for 24 consecutive hours, and by running I mean jogging/walking, not what most call running.

Clarification: It's what non-runners would call running; what marathoners would call jogging; what the LetsRun.com crowd would call walking; What hikers would call trekking; and my grandma calls, "yet another reason for you to settle down, get married, and have some sense in your life."

(I'm paraphrasing her)

My last long race was June 2012 at the Seattle Marathon.


If it looks like I'm the picture of seriousness with grim determination etched in my furrowed brow as I plow my way through 26.2 miles of Pacific Northwest asphalt...it's because I'm trying really hard not to cry.


Practice makes perfect.

Does it really?

I think practice makes better. It's by practicing something, over and over, when inspiration hits. For after you've done something a thousand times, you want to try something a little different. I've been practicing a lot of origami the past few months. Bought some books, ordered expensive washi paper from Japan, saved some PDF files of neat diagrams and...well...here is what some of the things look like so far.

The green figure in the above pic is step 13 of a soon-to-be kangaroo. The right figure is (was) supposed to be a man playing a violin. As you can see, I still have a ways to go.

The brown and white creature is a deformed Yoda...actually, now that I come to think of it...it's step 33 of a Rhinocerous beetle. The purple creature is well on its way to becoming a rabbit, but its paper DNA contracted a mutant virus and ended up looking like the backside of a purple Batman.

My latest avant garde origami project. I call it Blanc Entropy pour Mercredi. This is what some un-artistic people would call a crumpled piece of paper, whereas in reality, it is a piece of organic art in the cellulose tradition that gives one the impression of cumulonimbusness and delusions of grandeur. Notice the carefully constructed folds forecasting stormy clouds ahead. 
I'm selling it on E-bay.

This is an Oriland Magic Cube. It's made from 48 sheets of square paper folded together. No cutting or glueing. If you hold it on the sides, you can rotate it in a circle and watch it change colors.

Another failure. This was well on it's way to becoming a paper Stag beetle. Around step 42 something went awry.
No. I did not make these. This guy did. Here is one of his diagrams of a praying mantis. Feel free to fold it. The amazing thing about these creatures is they are folded from a single sheet of paper.

The good thing about polyester you ask? It's easy to spell.