24 February 2007

All Biologists are equal. Some are more equal than others.

I like the President. I really do. But somebody should tell him that you never hold an unlabeled Erlenmeyer flask without wearing a pair of nitrile gloves.

22 February 2007

Sell Phoney Baloney. It's Cheap.

Dear Mom,

I am back from Queens. Unfortunately, the only queen I saw there was a Dairy. . .an icy woman to be sure. So, I got a new virgin. She's white, and slim, and very mobile. Goes with me everywhere I go. She's always 'on' during the day and 'off' at night. It's better that way. She's from Taiwan, and came here a few months ago. She doesn't do a whole lot until you press the right buttons, then. . .whoaaa! Nellie! Can she sing and whistle. We met at Wal-Mart and you can talk with her too. Lest you think I've turned into another heathen pagan worshipping Ashurah pole-dancer frolicking in the groves and the high places, I should tell you it's a cell phone.

Sorry about the blood pressure.

Affectionately yours,


19 February 2007


A remarkable event occurred yesterday in Virginia Beach.

At 11:45 AM, as I was walking from the TV studio to the sanctuary, I happened to look out the window and saw snow flurries. Nothing sticked to the ground and it only lasted for a few minutes.

Then the sun came out.

13 February 2007

Ancient History

One of my favorite things to study is ancient history. Very ancient history. So, in the book of Genesis, it states that people used to live 9oo+ years old. Which makes one wonder just what exactly they did all day.

They didn't have TV, phones, computers, paved roads, newspapers, or even books. If you wanted to take a road trip, you had to ride a horse or a camel. (Can you imagine what one's behind looked like after riding horses everyday for 500+ years? Probably resembled a beaver).

So what they do all the time. . .except farm and go to war. Build towers to pagan deities?

Noah built a boat when he was 500. That much we know. Just what were these guys eating? Whatever it was, they don't sell it at Safeway, and you can't get a prescription for it.

I don't imagine they ever got in a hurry for anything and were very good at history. After all, not much happened so far in the Earth's history.

In other news: I think I pulled a very important muscle in my back. The one that makes all movement possible. As a result, I have been stationary for the past three days.

09 February 2007

Go West, young man

9 Feb 2007 Anno Domini, 137 AM

I am moving.

It's quite true. Later this summer, I intend to go West, young man. Actually, North by Northwest (great movie) over hill, dale, and prairie to a city with a long lake under the shadow of the Lonely Mountain. To the land in the tongue of men and dwarves called Washington.

Home of orcas, Bigfoot, Microsoft, Boeing, Costco, and Curt Kobain cults. And it is here, I shall spend my days peering through microscopes looking at cross-sections of tissue and cells in a histology lab.

03 February 2007

The Golden Order of Clinically Insane Obsessive Compulsive Long Distance Lorry Drivers.

There is a most cool web site found at http://www.chimpage.com/index.html that allows one to generate interesting and sometimes thought provoking sayings.

Here are some I came up with. . .

The random fact generator: 44% of all toilet paper manufacturers are arsonists during the hours of darkness.

The secret society generator: The Golden Order of Clinically Insane Obsessive Compulsive Long Distance Lorry Drivers.

The fount of wisdom generator: Sometimes it's just not sensible to force someone to poke a crocodile in the eye with a stick whilst under the influence of alcohol.