30 June 2008

Unidentified AMC Pacers

When I was a very young small child roaming the hills and dales of West Virginia collecting grasshoppers, Japanese beetles, and honeybees-because I thought, eventually, if I caught enough I could eat honey, my parents had a friend who drove an AMC Pacer.

The machine transfixed me. It looked like a bio-dome experiment gone wrong. I kinda figured it was designed by some Dr. Franklyinsenseless auto engineer who got abducted by extra-terrestrials and was assembled by his trusty servant who moonlighted at the local cathedral ringing bells.

In my mind, the Pacer was a bona fide UFO on wheels, and naturally I asked the lady if I could sit in her car and watch Alpha Centauri for aliens. Soon after, my parents beat me and it was not until years later I found out what made Karen (not her real name) cry.

I don't know what ever happened to the Pacer, but where ever you are, may you rust in peace.
(picture courtesy of Money.CNN.com)

28 June 2008

Shark Chow

I ate a shark for lunch today.

Not the entire shark, mind you, just the fins and some mushrooms in a soupy chicken broth-like mixture. It went well with the kim chee.

And what is kim chee, you ask?

Kim chee is the spiciest food in existence consisting of cabbage, seaweed (or something green and stringy. . .I hope it was seaweed), and the hottest spice on the planet.

Then I washed it down with Asian Red Bull. Asian Red Bull is like American Red Bull without the carbonation. It taste like Robotussin and is great for clearing sinuses.

Visitors to Virginia Beach this week should note that Virginia Beach is not really burning to the ground. The Great Dismal Swamp (down the road) is the place that is burning down. You wouldn't think a swamp could catch on fire and smoke like Vesuvius, but it is.

With all the tourist traffic, I tell myself I'm really in L.A.

26 June 2008


Sage advice was given to me today by a co-worker.

He said, "when driving to Baltimore, always get directions from a man with no legs, because a man with no legs knows the quickest way to get there and back."

I have weird co-workers.

25 June 2008

Speed and Mules

While trying to sleep the other night I started thinking about size of God, and people, and different species of animals-more specifically-mules.



(When one lives 1/2 a mile from an Air Force base and listens to the rumble of F-16s every waking hour, this is to be expected)

If one takes a pencil and moves it back and forth quickly enough, between two fingers, the one pencil more-or-less touches both fingers simultaneously, but not quite. If you do it fast enough, then eventually the pencil will be both places at once. It will take up all the space between the two fingers.

Try it.

You'll find that you've a rather large pencil, see. Now we know that according to the Theory of Special Relativity, and the Einstein equation, as one approaches the speed of light (186,000 miles per sec), time slows down and your mass increases.

Unfortunately, people are not able to move their bodies that fast as this requires enormous amounts of energy. But if one converts one's body into energy, say photons, then this would be easier.

When a person dies, their body is really the only thing that dies. The soul (mind, will, emotions, intellect) and the spirit (the innermost self) does not die. It gets released into the pure energetic form, I'm explaining this badly-I know, that it has spent years being molded into. Now the soul and the spirit must be composed of particles that have the intrinsic property of being capable of moving faster than the speed of light. So, for all practical purposes, (this might be hard to visualize yet it must be true. . .or be close to the truth. . .it does not exist in time as we know it, nor does it occupy space as we know it. It must be capable of moving through walls and physical object composed of atoms without difficulty much as our bodies can move through clouds.

Everything here on Earth and in the universe must be ephemeral to our new improved Real bodies.

I notice sometimes while I'm trying to fall asleep to the sound of jet engines that my soul and spirit seem very very large. . .like they are really surrounding me and my physical body is at the center. Ever notice when some people enter the room, you feel their presence before seeing them with your eyes? I find this occurring more and more as I age.

When a person becomes a Christian, I think their spirit. . .which is like that little blue pilot light inside the stove. . .gets blown on by the breath of God and increases in size. And then the Holy Spirit keeps blowing on it like oxygen, which explains why some people seem enormous. This size difference is so profound that Christians and non-Christians are really two distinct species of human. It is true they can mate on the biological level, but at the other two levels there is no comparison.

This where the mules enter the picture.

Horses and donkeys are two different species but are capable of interbreeding. When they do, the offspring are mules. . .and mules are sterile. . .incapable of reproducing after themselves.

22 June 2008

Cars-For Sale

My parents have a car restoration business that, originally was a hobby, but now seems to be a more or less second job. Most of these machines are Chevelles from 1967-1972.

Yes. . .Things are coming to a point

The end of this age is rapidly ending and all things are coming to a point. Instead of the Romans uniting the known world, this time it is Steve Jobs and Bill Gates in their respective coastal towns. This was the plan from the beginning and was written down by scribes and foretold by far-seeing men ages ago. . .and these types of men are still with us.

20 June 2008

Chaos Theory

Why has it has been said a man who does his work with excellence and something like perfection will perform before princes and kings, not obscure people. Because the royalty know the difference between 2nd rate shoddy work and masterpieces. That's one reason why they're in the position they're in. God put them there for a reason. Order is better than Chaos and a bad government is better than none at all. Even a communist government has some useful functions like keeping the grass cut and forestalling the invasion of wild animals until good people arrive.

When there is no government, chaos reigns, and since people are inherently bent towards evil, (I should say bent creatures), riots and lootings should be expected. This is always the case in times of natural disaster given enough time. A watched pot never boils if kept under constant supervision by the proper authorities. This is not to say I advocate a police state, far from it. But a police state, or a society under martial law, does have its usefulness. . .for a time.

The question is. . .what does God want one to do in Life, what does He expect of me? Or rather, what has He designed me to do? When He designs somebody for some task or deed, He gives them the ability to do it. He expects them to succeed in their endeavor. The person will probably enjoy doing his job and find a sense of accomplishment from doing it, no matter how difficult, or boring, or bizaar others may see it. When a person is a Christian, over time, providing he is maturing properly, this calling will become clearer. What is often very confusing is determining whether one's calling in Life is what it actually is, or, oftentimes, the perks of another's calling.

For example, suppose man A enjoys traveling all about the country, sleeping in a different hotel each night, meeting new people everyday, seeing new landscapes. Man A is very introverted, but his calling requires him to speak in front of crowds. He hates the speeches, but loves the new and varies sights. Is he doing the will of God?

Man B is a general fix-it man for a small company. He doesn't make much money, but loves his job. He could work from sun-up to sun-down and be as happy as a lark. Is he doing the will of God?

Man C believes his lot in Life is walking all over the continent carrying a cross on wheels. To him, this is better than sliced bread and cannot understand why everyone else doesn't see it his way. Obviously this man is highly extroverted. This, btw, is a common theme in Life. The more out-going one is, the less time available for work requiring much alone time. Deep thinking requires time, usually by oneself. Extroverts get antsy when alone for long periods of time and fight to see people as often as possible. . .and they're correct to do so. Put an introvert in North Dakota and given enough time he'll probably end up crazy-it's his nature. You cannot put a trained sheep dog in the wilderness and expect it to herd sheep after a time. Nor can you put a mountain lion in a cage and keep it in the backyard and expect it to live very long. It is just too much stress.

Introverts and extroverts really do not think and act alike.

17 June 2008

The Lewd Rude Crude Dude Society

In Virginia, we've a state law stating all vehicles must pass an inspection at a state registered facility in order to legally drive. All the inspection stations know this. Furthermore, they all know that if anybody wants to make a few extra dollars, it is almost inevitable somebody will walk through their doors, whom they have never seen before, who has money in their pocket, and must get this little inspection sticker for a mere 16 bucks. And even more furthermore, even though the car, or truck, or motorcycle, or 2003 silver Mazda B3000 with 57,000 miles has nothing wrong with it, it could potentially have some things wrong with it that do not necessarily need replaced, but because they have the power invested with-in them to put a 'failed' inspection sticker on one's windshield, one that attracts police officers from Richmond to the North Carolina state line, and makes one appear to be a cast-off vagabond derelict of society hanging onto the last dregs of society like a beggar from a Dicken's novel, all because one may be two weeks late after the yearly deadline (and really has no choice in the matter), they quite often make up a checklist of necessary items to be fixed-or-replaced and hand it to you along with an invoice should you in fact decide to fix or replace all the not quite necessarily need to be fixed or replaced entities on the said list. And furthermore on top of that, if one proceeds to debate the necessity of the entities on the list using what certainly appears to be an objective mind, they oftentimes get confused and flustered and adjust the numbers to account for labor. . .and pain.

13 June 2008

Red Bull Feeders

You know. . .replacing that sugar solution in the hummingbird feeder with Red Bull was probably not a good idea.

12 June 2008

What a gas!

I spent $46.24 at a vending machine today. . .buying something to drink that's not even edible. I didn't think much of it, which is strange, considering last year I could have purchased twice as much for the same amount of money.


Sometimes, when eating large quantities of sausage, fried eggs, greasy bread, and coffee. . .whilst simultaneously eating large quantities of acetaminophen, aspirin, and ibuprofen because one must eat even if suffering from a migraine. . .it pays to move very slowly so as to give everything ample opportunity to dissolve into their constituent parts and exit the stomach into the intestines. Lest the stomach become confused and angry and tries to force it's occupants up the esophagus. . .which is most certainly not the opening you want these substances to exit. Because if this happens, your day will be ruined, even if you have lots of mouthwash. A car accident is not the only way to get whiplash you know.

The trick is knowing your body well enough to not allow alternative whiplash. One of the hints is when copious amounts of saliva and other acidic substances appear in the mouth. Just take everything nice, and slow, and eaaaaasssyyy. . .make no sudden jerks. . .and most definitely do not lay flat on your back since everybody knows fluids always rise to the lowest levels.

The Wiggle has spoken.

10 June 2008

Return of the Blogger

Today's Weather in Virginia Beach, America: HI 100°F

The new house: The previous occupants here tamed the squirrels to eat out of your hand. They did this using peanuts. Now, when one sits in the backyard reading the newspaper, three or four little gray squirrels scamper around looking at you with little brown eyes wondering when you're going to break out the Planters. I gave them some dry-honey roasted soy beans, but apparently they're not proper nuts.

There's also an Asian market nearby. An amazing place where one can buy dry salted cuttlefish, seaweed burritos the size of a stove top, rotisserie ducks hanging upside down in what looks to be a refurbished industrial-sized popcorn popper (with the beaks still attached), and lots of fish and rice. It's also a good place to buy China.

The mailbox is also home to a large brown bird, which makes sense, since it resembles a white barn. You have to be very careful when getting the mail. . .like tapping on the roof first so as to not startle the bird. . .lest the creature fly at you. Something tells me it will be moving soon.