15 October 2013

Grammar Lesson

OK folks. Pay attention. A hypocrite is a person who engages in the same behaviors he condemns others for. Hippocrites was the father of modern medicine and died a long time ago. A hippo crypt is a really big hole for dead hippos. Hippos are not hypocrites, nor was Hippocrites a hypocrite. Hippocrites was a Greek. Some hippos are Greek, but most are Tanzanian. Some Tanzanians are hypocrites and very few are physicians...although some may be called Hippocrites. There are no hippo crypts in Greece...these are mostly found in Tanzania along with the non-Greek hippos. If there is a Tanzanian hippo called Hippocrites who teaches young hippos the finer points of molar care, this is sheer coincidence.

12 October 2013

The Electric Monk

Does anybody know where I can buy an Electric Monk? It's a small machine that fits in your ear that believes weird things that people think are scriptural and biblical, yet are not necessarily so. The Electric Monk actual believes the weird pseudo-biblical things FOR you so you don't have to...and as a result you can get on with your normal life. Thanks!


Instead of reading the book of Lamentations last night, I picked up the old palette and a rusty spray can and forced my creative mind into new channels and created a work called 'Vert.'

Vert is a compressed composition of ethereal shadows of... abstract entities that encapsulate barren sterility. It creates an uncomfortable tension by decidedly dislocating all forms, thus creating a sense of metaphysical dissonance. It is a mute performance. Overall the work becomes a sort of dream organized along the lines of an unfathomable higher dimension of reality in the time and space continuum. Vert contains the principle of all things. It portrays energy as a paradox so what remains is a landscape of ruins, does not carry energy, and it is the scene after the primordial expansion of the cosmos. A compressed agitated landscape congruent with nature, the environmental movement, Ireland, Islam, spring, hope, envy, and (roughly) Libya.

I hope you enjoy it.

08 October 2013


People are crazy. I like people…I really do…but they’re still crazy. Some people live like Beelzebub is their spouse yet every other Facebook post is a bible verse. Crazy people will tell you they read the bible everyday yet haven’t read it in 15 years. What is really crazy is when you call them on it. Crazy people, see, couldn’t find the book of Zedekiah if they had to. Now that’s crazy.

Women are crazy. To be fair, men are also crazy but in a different sort of way. Men’s craziness is predictable and can be plotted on a graph. Women’s craziness is like abstract art, you see it in action but can’t explain it unless you have a Ph.D in English from Oxford…even then you still need a working knowledge of tensor calculus. Craziness in general has a long history that began on a fruit farm. I won’t go into the details but fruitiness and craziness ever since that sad day in the garden have had an uneasy alliance that continues to this day. The cure for craziness is marriage. The hope being the female craziness and the male craziness cancel one another out so something like normalcy sets in. And for those who never marry? Well…there’s always the convent, or the monastery, or the U.S. Congress where one can go and live happily forever after.  

A crazy experiment: If you want to be really spiritual try this experiment. Make a list of the top ten people you dislike. Some of you may say, “But I love EVERYBODY Jason.” True. But loving someone does not mean you want them coming to your yard sale. You may want them to live a long life and go to heaven and be with God and Jesus…and at the same time secretly hope they live in a corrugated apartment in Laos until they pass away. These ten should be people you personally know. Don’t put Kim Jong-un or Hillary Clinton on your list. Use the guy who ran over your cat or the girl you gave a $500 necklace to and now won’t return your phone calls ß-(note: this is a scenario…not an actual event. I have yet to give a girl a $500 necklace…someday…) Then, pray for each and every one on the list without cringing or using expletives. I don’t think God is happy when we curse during prayer. Anyways, after a time, perhaps a long time, you will start to feel something like compassion for these people. This is good practice.