Adventures at the DMV

11:30 AM. The woman beside me has 4 toes. Yet another reason why food addictives should be banned by the FDA.

She was wearing sandals...from Wal-Mart...and jorts...also from Wal-Mart. She had obviously consumed far too much FD and C number 3 yellow food coloring extract...or had a mild case of jaundice. Hard to say really when one wears amber-tinted sunglasses to maintain a low profile when smirking-rated activities are necessary.

12:30 PM. Still waiting. The four-toed lady has moved to window #9 and where she is being asked for far too much personal information by the kind DMV lady with less than the full compliment of teeth.

1:00 PM. C497 (my number is called) I let out a war whoop which I immediately regret. (I should really cut down my caffeine intake from 700 mg to something more like a dozen or so mgs) and proceed to the molar-challenged lady. She takes a sip of her Mt. Dew and I take the time to kindly remind her that experiments show that teeth placed in cups of Mt. Dew have shown the teeth to erode into their elemental atoms.

DMV lady is not amused.

1:45 PM. Still waiting at window #9 while same DMV lady has difficulty finding my name in her database. I tell her I changed my last name a year ago for personal and highly confidential government reasons. She sips more Mt. Dew and makes a sound something like a cross between grunting and coughing up phlegm.

2:00 PM. Finished. Go home and remember that I forgot to get my new vanity license plates.