The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

There are good things in Life. There are bad things in Life. But rest assured,

Life Is For Everyone.

The Atkin's Diet: A bad thing in life. This is the diet where one eats meat, meat-like substances (Spam), cheese, pork rinds, grease, lard, and bacon.

All bad things.

After a few months your large intestines resemble an off-shore oil derrick and turns into a greasy slip-N-slide, which explains why you're always running to the porcelain goddess to make obeisance, thus committing idolatry-the most heinous of sins.

I tell people the Atkin's Diet is unhealthy, but for some reason they don't listen to me.

Does this make me a mean person? What can I say?

I step on kittens, turn right on red without signalling, drive an SUV, and voted for Bush in the last 2 elections.

A good thing in Life is hugging, though this seems to be somewhat a problem for men.

Some guys just can't do it-like two grizzly bears-they mosey on close to one another, snuffle around a bit. . .usually there's some coughing involved. . .then the creatures make contact for exactly 2 seconds (I timed them) and break.

Now. Observe.

When men hug, they imperceptibly tap one another on the back 3 times.

For all you female readers out there, this is man-speak. Translated-this means-this tapping.

Count em' 1. . .2. . .3. . .means. . .

I'm. Not. Gay.

Break.