The Food of the Gods

(Note: not my actual backyard)

At 8 AM, the squirrels wake up and crawl along the tree limbs. Slowly, they make their way down the big Oak in my backyard-looking for cats, dogs, foxes, lawnmowers, and other dark creatures. . .and walnuts.

At 815 AM, they arrive at the base of the tree, face down, and slightly woozy. They look to the right, the left, the right again, left once more, and then after looking to the right yet again, carefully make their way into the grass in their daily pilgrimage for food.

The squirrels always keep an eye out for the mysterious two-legged god of the white building, who (rumor has it) is responsible for the strange salty hard objects on the concrete altar beside the black nylon throne.

The squirrels have no name for the salty objects. The great white god produces it from a metal can with a tuxedo-wearing peanut-a great mystery-but it tastes better than anything else.

If it only didn't make them so thirsty.