Mantyhose

It exists. Amazing, but true. Pantyhose for men. I figure it is something like a bro-ssiere. Apparently, it is common in Europe and has slowly, but surely, making its way West. Rumour has it if one farts in the things, they expand like a balloon. I'm not sure I believe this, as I've never worn mantyhose-or pantyhose. The closest I've come is long-underwear, which (thankfully) has a trap-door for releasing excess carbon and methane. The good thing about the expanding mantyhose hypothesis is that it lowers your carbon footprint. The bad news is if you're a smoker, you stand a very good chance of singing your eyebrows as methane is quite the flammable substance. I have a hard time seeing smoking cowboys wearing mantyhose. Somehow seeing somebody from Boston is much easier, and I can definitely see a Frenchman donning the sheerness and lighting the Marlboros. But farting? I think not. French men do not pass gas. Instead, they merely talk rude and expel fumes that way. It's safer you know.