1. I've always wanted to be dictator over a small 3rd-world country in South America.
2. I really like Khaki and own 5 pairs of Khaki pants more-or-less identical to one another.
3. I'm somewhat egotistical and have grandiose plans.
4. Guns, missiles, rockets, and small cannon fire fascinate me.
5. When I was 13-years-old, I built a shoulder-mounted rocket launcher.
6. When I was 13-and a half years-old, the only reason I wasn't sent to a juvenile detention center was because the county judge was golfing that day.
7. I like golf and merciful assistant magistrates.
8. I often envision myself on national currency.
9. I think Parrish should be the capital of France.
10. After reading Julius Caesar's Gallic Wars, I felt like I could have offered him some suggestions.
11. Sometimes I practice lecturing 100,000 people in a large courtyard while standing on a balcony. One hand is raised, the other is behind my back concealing crossed fingers.
12. My reasons for studying Spanish in high school were more than utilitarian.
13. I often have dreams of living underground in something like a bunker. I tell myself that avoiding the sun's radiation will prolong my life and give me a good complexion, but never am truly convinced this is the right reason.
14. Relatives tell me I live in my own world and to stop day-dreaming. When I do, the same relatives tell me. . ."Maybe you should go back to your own little world." This is often said with furrowed brow and tone of voice used when discussing death and taxes.
15. In 1999, I spent a month in Asia. The national elections took place my last day there. The Communist Party was elected to a majority and that night the streets were filled with crowds of people waving red flags. The group leader told us to "maintain a low profile because it might not be a good idea if they knew we were Americans."
16. In 2001, I joined the Peace Corps and was supposed to go to Sub-Sahara Africa and teach agriculture to people who had done it for 4-5,000 years. I moved to southern West Virginia instead. I figured the pay rate was better, but never could quite grasp the language and cultural barrier.
17. Believe it or not, I have never done drugs and with the exception of a single margarita. . .and a few bottles of Robotussin. . .have never drunk anything alcoholic.
18. It would be neat to begin my memoirs with 'It was the best of tmes. It was the worst of times. It was time to raise the taxes.'