By now, all you beloved readers have received the official US census form in the mail. If not, we can safely assume you are not an American...or worse...an un-person. The census begins by stating 'it must count every person living in the United States on April 1, 2010.' There are an estimated 6.8 billion persons living today and to expect a single census to count them all from the US has got to be an April Fool's Day joke.
The census also states to 'count all people, including babies, who live and sleep here most of the time.' It's scary to think that some people would not consider a baby to be a person and need to be told to count the little people.
We are also asked to name our race. As a biologist and a person I consider the word race to have very little inherent meaning. I think the only race is the human race and we are all descendants from Adam and Eve. Seeing as how Adam and Eve were from modern-day Southern Iraq, I assume this means all of us American persons are Iraqis engaged in a great civil war, counting everybody, from every nation so conceived and so dedicated for as long as we can endure.