Buffalo Burgers

I went to Trader Joes this morning meaning to purchase a fan. I needed a new fan to blow smoke fumes outside-now that the stove is fixed. I've never been a smoker of tobacco products-just stuff like meat, eggs, mushrooms, leeks, onions, and various other members of the plant/animal/fungus/mineral kingdoms...basically anything that requires heating in a cast-iron skillet.

I thought Trader Joes was a discount store, but it's not. It's a grocery store that specializes in organic, green, environmentally-friendly, and bio-degradable food. It also sells Dentyne but I don't think Dentyne is bio-degradable unless you live near Chernobyl or Three-mile Island.

At first, I thought to leave without buying anything, but as everybody knows you cannot enter a grocery store without making a purchase. You can't say, "Oh, I'm just looking," like you can sometimes do at 7-11 from the hours between midnight and six A.M....at least without a straight face and a mask of some sort.

Since I had all the food and Dentyne I desired, I explored the aisles looking at the non-pesticided, free-ranging, organic plants and dead animals for sale. I discovered some buffalo meat labeled, 'raised without antibiotics or hormones.' Which I thought was a swell idea as injecting a creature 6 foot high at the shoulder, covered with black bristly hair, and sporting tusks with steroids was never a good idea. I figure guys like this already have enough issues in life.

Six hours later, in an experiment the likes of which I shall never try again, I drove to the neighboring park to run 6 miles. I won't say how far I got but I can assure you there is a very good reason why you never see any Olympic gold medalist attribute their performance to bison cheeseburgers on rye bread.