09 March 2011

Page 8

In the early days, the drones had trouble distinguishing non-chipper aliens from non-chipper natives and the problem was thought to be solved with the newest advances in facial recognition software.

Until recently.

On one of her Sunday afternoon adventures, Miss Polly Frottin was zapped by a Z-Tech drone as she was speeding down Rt.66 between Canaan Valley, WV and Goshen, VA. The day was warm and sunny, the music was blaring, and the top was down on her little green MG roadster. The theory held by the technicians was the drone was momentarily confused by the blur of flashing green (the car) and Miss Polly’s windswept hair (reddish-blond), along with her Ray-Ban Wayfarer sunglasses. The combination must have given the drone the impression of a very unchip alien who was late for work.

Fortunately, the laser merely shocked her car and aside from the complete inability of her car stereo to tune into NPR, left Miss Polly unscathed. She promptly stopped her car at a quaint little deli and gas station called Quaker Steaks and Lube and told the owner, “Take a look at my car. It seems to be producing quite a bit of static electricity…oh’ and I’ll have a cheese steak sandwich, fries, and 5 quarts of motor oil if you please.”

The incident might have been forgotten except that three days later another incident involving the same drone occurred.

Witnesses at the scene reported that approximately 2:30 P.M. a Z-Tech drone zapped the mayor of Goshen’s girlfriend…a one Miss Petunia C. Noggins…just minutes after she left the Blue Moose beauty salon and Wrinkle Reduction Centre with a new haircut and botox injections. Miss Noggins was madder than a hornet and threatened to report the crime to the local papers when the wise and very rich mayor persuaded her to maintain a low profile and that he would talk to one of the Z-Tech scientists himself.

That was yesterday and the scientist happened to be Maurice.

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