Letters I sent the newspaper but never never got published

Dear Young people Under the Age of Thirty Who Don't Trust People Over the Age of Thirty,

It is never polite to refer to your Christmas gifts as 'loot and booty.'

I know, I know-you say it is what it is, but what it is is not necessarily what you think it is. Loot and booty generally is stuff that is captured by pirates, heathen pagan warlords, and the occasional uncircumcised Philistine. Swords and eyeliner must also be worn.

So please, stop the madness.

Sincerely,

A Person over Thirty.


And now-some news.

I went to West Virginia over the week-end to celebrate Christmas and my birthday. WV is the only state where you see an sign on the interstate that reads, 'moonshine-Exit 135.' I also saw a full grown camel that a fellow apparently has as a pet.