23 October 2006

I do is the shortest phrase in the English language

I do is the shortest phrase in the English language . . .
Someone once said I will is the longest sentence. Wonder what they were talking about?

Once upon a time on the 5th day of the 5th month of the 5th year of the century, there lived a man called Joey Cee. His nickname was Joe, after his favorite drink, iced mocha frappachino made by Nestle.

Joey Cee, which wasn't his real name, preferred to call himself another sea-faring name, Nemo...latin for 'No Man.' Joey Cee was in a bit of a pickle, and like Puff who lived by the sea, was hungry due to a strange new illness, called by some Nemo's Revenge, and by others, the 7 year itch, a most strange malady. Now in his castle, a dark grim fortress, down next by the sea. Joey had a very old parchment purchased from the local merchants who sold their goods and wares at market every 5th day, using letters corresponding to numbers, as counting wasn't their specialty. (In this case the letter E'). Later, they decided to simply call the market 'E' and in due time it became popular among the traders to call the entire sea coast town, by the bay, 'E.' Although some maps still refer to it as E Bay, see. On the 5th line of the parchment, Joey Cee found a cure for Nemo's Revenge. But the cure called for a magical herb, a mystical plant unknown to any of his friends. After consulting the village elders, he decided to undertake a long journey to the Land of Nod. Day and night he traveled, toiling madly through swamps, crossing raging streams, torrid deserts, and high mountains. At long last, he arrived in the Land of Nod. And there, in a cave, atop a lonely mountain peak, stood a princess gazing into a large black cauldron. Joey Cee cleared his throat. He'd heard about this wily princess and was on his guard, all defenses up. He asked "Can you help me?"

The princess looked up from her boiling cauldron, wiped the sweat off her brow, and said ever so subtly. "I know what you are looking for. The plant...it's called Four Star Bane. I keep a store in my satchel, just picked some this morning, see?"

"Why...why...thank you!...But I have one more question, you creature of mystery."

She nodded and said "one more."

"What is your name, if I may be so bold as to ask?"

"My name?"

"Yes...your name?"

"Well......my friends call me crazy, but you can call me Esther, see?"

by Puddle E. Glum

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