22 October 2006

Snakes on a plain

“And Moses made a serpent of brass, and put it upon a pole, and it came to pass, that if a serpent had bitten any man, when he beheld the serpent of brass, he lived.”
Numbers 21:9 (King James Version)

(How it really happened)

“Moses. We have a problem.”

“What is it this time, Aaron? Moabites, Ammonites, Canaanites, Parasites?”




“How much worse?”

“Much worse.”

“Well tell me brother. What in the Plains of Moab is it?”

“Reptiles, my lord. The long wrong oblong dry sly slinky cold-blooded kind.”

“Surely thou jesteth, my brother?”

“I jesteth not. We have adders in the attics, boas in the bedrooms, cobras in the closets, and vipers in the garage. Serpents in the synagogues, serpents in the Sanhedrin, and serpents in the sand.”

“Any rattlers?”

(Aaron nodding) “In the cribs.”

“So we’ve got problems with. . .snakes?”

“That’s right. You guessed it. We have . . .snakes on the plain.”

“How many?”

“Latest estimates show 10,000 score and ten.”

(Later that day in the Tabernacle)

Moses: Dear God, What do we do???

God: Do this. Take a snake, put it on a stake, and set it in the plain.

Moses: That’s insane!

God: Snakes on the plain, Moses. . .snakes on the plain.

Moses: But it seems so lame, and inhumane, and. . .and. . .

God: Silence! Moses, cut the flak! And don’t talk back no more no more no more no more.
Just make a snake, take the snake, stake the snake, forsake your ache, and stop this outbreak.

Quoth the Lord, forevermore.

And lo, Moses did as he was told and the rest is history.

by Puddle E. Glum

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