09 June 2007

Sometimes it's better to ask no questions

9 June 2007, 8:48 PM, Saturday, Chesapeake, VA

Went to Walmart at 7AM and saw an old woman talking to all the other customers as if they were old friends. What does one do when a talkative person wishes to discuss Life with you in the early morning hours? Why you nod your head, smile, and politely say, "Por lo siento Senora, pero no hablo ingles."

In the parking lot I walked past a giggling woman saran-wrapping a blue Chevy. I asked no questions and acting like this was a perfectly normal Saturday morning occurrence.

Then I drove to work, set off 25 bombs (because it's my job), clocked out and then. . .I accidentally killed the bird of peace, a dove, with my car.

and then. . .when I got home, a Jamaican walked over and handed me a free slice of pizza. Again, I asked no questions.

Earth, wind, and fire. . .and water and weeds. All of these can be purchased at Walmart. This amuses me to no end. The meaninglessness of it all. This. . .chasing after the wind. . .with one's Visa. I find it funny that can you not only purchase dirt, but organic dirt. That is, 'naturally produced dirt. Dirt free from dirt. Clean sterile dirt. Aseptic soil. and then. . .

In the food section we have, by the lettuce, . . .bags of dandelion shoots for sale. Weeds. Think of that.

Weeds. Weeds for your hard earned cash. Organic weeds with no pesticides. Pesticides, of course, can be purchased separately. Weeds with no chemicals and no bugs. Bugs can be purchased at Burpees magazine and NorthernTools.com. I know. I have the catalog. Pestilence for a price. Hmm. . .interesting. And still, in this meaningless life, the Teacher asks no questions.

Fire. That gift from Prometheus is now bought at a price in the form of matches, cigarette lighters, and gas grill ignitors.

Air costs 50 cents and you've got to pump it yourself.

Wind is a bit more expensive nowadays, but $20 sounds about right. Multiply that by 10 if you want it cold.

70% of the planet is covered in water, but rest assured gentle readers. . .Walmart sells plenty of water as well. In fact, some of the water is injected with greenhouse gases. . .which makes little sense. Why? Because you drink it. . .then burp, thus re-releasing the greenhouse gases back into the atmosphere and hastening the heat death of the Universe by producing more entropy.

This is why I ask no questions.

It's a mad mad mad mad world.

No comments: