26 February 2010

24 Hours Sans Sueno

The good news is the headache is gone. Of course I'm on a lot of caffeine and aspirin to go with a most sunny sky.

I bought some sweetened condensed milk yesterday thinking it was like regular milk. It's not. I needed a spoon to get it out of the can. I don't know how they make milk like that-it doesn't come out of a cow that way. It looks like somebody just milked a sperm whale. Since I was there-there being Wal-Mart...the Super Center kind-I figured to get me some lunch. I got a pre-made submarine and some pepper. I needed the pepper to flavor the sandwich-that and I needed the pepper anyway. The pepper label had a warning saying it may contain traces of soy, milk, paprika, sodium benzoate and essence of Charn. The sodium benzoate I've heard of. We use it at work to calibrate bomb calorimeters. Very explosive stuff, but it burns steady. In the eight years I spent at college studying chemistry , never once did I hear of Charn. The only Charn I ever heard of was the mythical world that Jadis the White Witch came from. Charn didn't kill me-just made me sneeze alot. I also noticed the submarine sandwich's expiration date read 'sell by 4:21 A.M. on 24 Feb 2010.' My receipt read 'purchased at 5:37 A.M. 24 Feb 2010.' Great. So now I'm living on borrowed time thinking, "I have to eat this thing asap." If it were a Hardee's Mushroom Melt this wouldn't be a problem, but this was roast beast...and could practically feel the fungal spores ready to germinate. Horseradish sauce, you should know, has anti-microbial properties. Naturally I lathered up the beast with the stuff. I think it worked although my nose was runny for the next 37 hours. Another thing I noticed-at 5:37 A.M. when a guy walks in wearing dark green khaki (my work clothes), black gloves, boots, and a black pea coat and heads straight to the pharmacy section for energy drinks and casually puts a copy of 'The Catcher in the Rye' into his shopping cart-the store cops take notice and stare at you all funny-like. They probably thought I had issues in life.

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