27 October 2010
26 October 2010
25 October 2010
Sticky Stuff
Of all the substances discovered by man to be eaten and spat out, I must say my favorite is chicle with Polyisobutylene a close second.
24 October 2010
Atoms
Disregarding what is intuitively obvious means the mind must continually repress the natural order of Life. Over time, this repressing causes the mind to think (against one's better judgement) thoughts that are inconsistent with Reality. So that the end result can be only madness.
When a large enough population in a society represses the intuitively obvious, the logical thing that must happen is a shift in mores and a decline in creativity. The society becomes volatile to the extent that chaos becomes the norm and mediocrity a virtue.
Given a large enough number of people, one can predict what will happen in a manner somewhat analogous to the chemical and physical laws that govern gas particles in a system. And a wise and competent leader will foresee all this and make plans accordingly.
It's true that all people have Free-Will, can make cause-and-effect decisions, as do separate atoms in a closed system. Yet as any chemist or physicist will tell you, atoms by themselves don't do much to their society alone. It takes billions of them to make an impact.
When a large enough population in a society represses the intuitively obvious, the logical thing that must happen is a shift in mores and a decline in creativity. The society becomes volatile to the extent that chaos becomes the norm and mediocrity a virtue.
Given a large enough number of people, one can predict what will happen in a manner somewhat analogous to the chemical and physical laws that govern gas particles in a system. And a wise and competent leader will foresee all this and make plans accordingly.
It's true that all people have Free-Will, can make cause-and-effect decisions, as do separate atoms in a closed system. Yet as any chemist or physicist will tell you, atoms by themselves don't do much to their society alone. It takes billions of them to make an impact.
12 October 2010
Bolivian Gas
I was not planning to blog tonight, but after drinking the equivalent of 4 cups of coffee with the consistency of Bolivian diesel fuel...and I'm not certain it was not Bolivian diesel fuel (who can tell with all the sugarcane)...I changed my mind.
Coffee is not something I drink much of nowadays. I found myself addicted to it and switched to tea. And anyone who appreciates tea knows the impossibility of getting addicted to tea. Even good tea.
In retrospect, it wasn't so much the taste of coffee I craved-it was the kick. One day after a few too many cups, I went a little crazy and searched E-Bay with the honest-to-goodness intention of importing a colony of jackalopes from Borneo. I thought their presence would make a more than interesting addition to the chemistry lab I work at. Then Reason, that lovely goddess who should really rear her head more often than she does in chemistry labs in this great country of ours, actually did rear her head and tell me to stop the online shopping thing and get back to work.
OK Jason. You've written enough for one night. Let's hope nobody with a good psychologist and telephone number offers you 'Life' advice.
Coffee is not something I drink much of nowadays. I found myself addicted to it and switched to tea. And anyone who appreciates tea knows the impossibility of getting addicted to tea. Even good tea.
In retrospect, it wasn't so much the taste of coffee I craved-it was the kick. One day after a few too many cups, I went a little crazy and searched E-Bay with the honest-to-goodness intention of importing a colony of jackalopes from Borneo. I thought their presence would make a more than interesting addition to the chemistry lab I work at. Then Reason, that lovely goddess who should really rear her head more often than she does in chemistry labs in this great country of ours, actually did rear her head and tell me to stop the online shopping thing and get back to work.
OK Jason. You've written enough for one night. Let's hope nobody with a good psychologist and telephone number offers you 'Life' advice.
29 September 2010
15 September 2010
Randomness in September
Most decisions made by men nowadays are based strictly upon emotional states. Logic and foresight are secondary factors in their day-to-day plans. If you don't believe me go to Kentucky or Southern West Virginia and see for yourself the results of decades upon decades of emotion based choices.
A dream I had: As I went walking through the woods I heard a voice calling, "Whoo?...Whooo?"
I thought it must be the Voice of Wisdom calling me in the form of an angel. Then I saw the feathers, beak, and small rodent in the beak flying overhead and at once my heart lightened with good cheer. I composed a proverb on the spot, "Woe to those who call black white, white black, and gray grey. For they are colorblind and destined to become British. Radical alterations of Reality without foresight lead to simpletonism and the end thereof is a Life of Misery in a cold wretched trailer in Southern Appalachia where there will be weeping and gnashing of gums. Confusion shall be in your right hand and ignorance of proper hygiene in your left. Ye shall be friend to the dogs and have far too many non-regulated chemicals in your bloodstream."
Sometime later I woke from the trance and swore off canned mushrooms from Big Lots with expiration dates from 1984.
A dream I had: As I went walking through the woods I heard a voice calling, "Whoo?...Whooo?"
I thought it must be the Voice of Wisdom calling me in the form of an angel. Then I saw the feathers, beak, and small rodent in the beak flying overhead and at once my heart lightened with good cheer. I composed a proverb on the spot, "Woe to those who call black white, white black, and gray grey. For they are colorblind and destined to become British. Radical alterations of Reality without foresight lead to simpletonism and the end thereof is a Life of Misery in a cold wretched trailer in Southern Appalachia where there will be weeping and gnashing of gums. Confusion shall be in your right hand and ignorance of proper hygiene in your left. Ye shall be friend to the dogs and have far too many non-regulated chemicals in your bloodstream."
Sometime later I woke from the trance and swore off canned mushrooms from Big Lots with expiration dates from 1984.
27 August 2010
Shafted by the elevator
Dropping one's hotel key down the space between the elevator and the hallway...into the nether regions of the building...to be lost forever...except possibly by a guy who vaguely resembles Cornelius from Planet of the Apes..and appears on World's Dirtiest Jobs w/Mike Rowe...is NOT the best way to start the day.
29 July 2010
Superglue is a Man's Best Fiend
"It is neva a good date when U aksidently superglue your thumb 2 your pinky finger...makes typin' hardt.....
18 July 2010
11 July 2010
"If the feet and hands had a will of their own, they could only be in their order in submitting this particular will to the primary will which governs the whole body. Apart from that, they are in disorder and mischief; but in willing only the good of the body, they accomplish their own good." --Blaise Pascal
09 July 2010
Help Wanted
I discovered the following ad this morning on Craigslist and felt compelled to reply.
Reanimator (New Orleans)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2010-06-24, 1:58PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am seeking a scientist interested in "re-animation technology". I want to create zombies in order to kill them. Or to keep them as pets. Not sure which yet. To do so, you must be familiar with the CNS and how death affects its functioning. I have some basic ideas on how to create a zombie but fresh ideas are always welcome.
Location: New Orleans
Compensation: Depends on zombie creating ability
Telecommuting is ok.
This is a part-time job
My Response:
Good Morning,
I saw your recent ad in Craigslist and think I have the requisite knowledge, skills, and abilities necessary to re-animate previously dead...and almost dead...creatures. While my success rate has not been the greatest in recent years, I think re-animation is what I have designed to do in Life-as-we-know-it.
Some of my past projects have involved grasshoppers, bees, a former boss, neighborhood cats, and two old men by the local Amtrak station.
The first man resembled a mannequin; the second resembled the first man but talked even less. Neither got invited to many parties, had wooden personalities, and enjoyed watching old Hee-Haw re-runs for hours on end with nary so much as moving a finger. I discovered, quite by accident, that the electric fence I had built around my cubicle could be adjusted to shoot a bolt of electricity towards the two tv watchers. Generally speaking, their response was limited to either, "yup...yup...yup or u-huh...u-huh."
Enclosed you will find my current resume along with a link to my Paypal account.
Perhaps we can arrange a telephone interview?
Regards,
Jason M. Parrish
Reanimator (New Orleans)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2010-06-24, 1:58PM CDT
Reply to: xxxxxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am seeking a scientist interested in "re-animation technology". I want to create zombies in order to kill them. Or to keep them as pets. Not sure which yet. To do so, you must be familiar with the CNS and how death affects its functioning. I have some basic ideas on how to create a zombie but fresh ideas are always welcome.
Location: New Orleans
Compensation: Depends on zombie creating ability
Telecommuting is ok.
This is a part-time job
My Response:
Good Morning,
I saw your recent ad in Craigslist and think I have the requisite knowledge, skills, and abilities necessary to re-animate previously dead...and almost dead...creatures. While my success rate has not been the greatest in recent years, I think re-animation is what I have designed to do in Life-as-we-know-it.
Some of my past projects have involved grasshoppers, bees, a former boss, neighborhood cats, and two old men by the local Amtrak station.
The first man resembled a mannequin; the second resembled the first man but talked even less. Neither got invited to many parties, had wooden personalities, and enjoyed watching old Hee-Haw re-runs for hours on end with nary so much as moving a finger. I discovered, quite by accident, that the electric fence I had built around my cubicle could be adjusted to shoot a bolt of electricity towards the two tv watchers. Generally speaking, their response was limited to either, "yup...yup...yup or u-huh...u-huh."
Enclosed you will find my current resume along with a link to my Paypal account.
Perhaps we can arrange a telephone interview?
Regards,
Jason M. Parrish
05 July 2010
5 July 2010. The Odyssey Continues
According to my calendar, I have not posted anything of much substantialness in a really long time. I must confess I've been spending time on Facebook mindlessly checking the minutia of people I haven't seen in ages. It's starting to become an addiction...sort of like I had to watch G.I. Joe everyday when in grade school.
I promise to post more often here soon...just as soon as I check my status updates.
I promise to post more often here soon...just as soon as I check my status updates.
27 June 2010
22 May 2010
Deoxyribonucleic Acid
Contrary to rumors, the Meaning of Life is more than
ATCGTGCATCTAGCTAGCTAGGTCGATCATATAGCTAGGCATACCATGACAAAC
TGCATGCTCGACTGGGCTACTAGCTGACTGGCGATCTTAAGCCCATGGGACTAC
TCCTAGCATCACCATGATCGATTCAGCTCATGCATCCATTTTACGCTAGTCGAT
ACCAACTTCGTCATCGTGCATCTAGCTAGCTAGGTCGATCATATAGCTAGGCAT
TGCATGCTCGACTGGGCTACTAGCTGACTGGCGATCTTAAGCCCATGGGACTAC
TCCTAGCATCACCATGATCGATTCAGCTCATGCATCCATTTTACGCTAGTCGAT
ACCAACTTCGTCACCATGACAAACACCATGACAAACGGAATTCCATACTGGCTA
ATCGTGCATCTAGCTAGCTAGGTCGATCATATAGCTAGGCATACCATGACAAAC
TGCATGCTCGACTGGGCTACTAGCTGACTGGCGATCTTAAGCCCATGGGACTAC
TCCTAGCATCACCATGATCGATTCAGCTCATGCATCCATTTTACGCTAGTCGAT
ACCAACTTCGTCATCGTGCATCTAGCTAGCTAGGTCGATCATATAGCTAGGCAT
TGCATGCTCGACTGGGCTACTAGCTGACTGGCGATCTTAAGCCCATGGGACTAC
TCCTAGCATCACCATGATCGATTCAGCTCATGCATCCATTTTACGCTAGTCGAT
ACCAACTTCGTCACCATGACAAACACCATGACAAACGGAATTCCATACTGGCTA
ATCGTGCATCTAGCTAGCTAGGTCGATCATATAGCTAGGCATACCATGACAAAC
TGCATGCTCGACTGGGCTACTAGCTGACTGGCGATCTTAAGCCCATGGGACTAC
TCCTAGCATCACCATGATCGATTCAGCTCATGCATCCATTTTACGCTAGTCGAT
ACCAACTTCGTCATCGTGCATCTAGCTAGCTAGGTCGATCATATAGCTAGGCAT
TGCATGCTCGACTGGGCTACTAGCTGACTGGCGATCTTAAGCCCATGGGACTAC
TCCTAGCATCACCATGATCGATTCAGCTCATGCATCCATTTTACGCTAGTCGAT
ACCAACTTCGTCACCATGACAAACACCATGACAAACGGAATTCCATACTGGCTA
ATCGTGCATCTAGCTAGCTAGGTCGATCATATAGCTAGGCATACCATGACAAAC
TGCATGCTCGACTGGGCTACTAGCTGACTGGCGATCTTAAGCCCATGGGACTAC
TCCTAGCATCACCATGATCGATTCAGCTCATGCATCCATTTTACGCTAGTCGAT
ACCAACTTCGTCATCGTGCATCTAGCTAGCTAGGTCGATCATATAGCTAGGCAT
TGCATGCTCGACTGGGCTACTAGCTGACTGGCGATCTTAAGCCCATGGGACTAC
TCCTAGCATCACCATGATCGATTCAGCTCATGCATCCATTTTACGCTAGTCGAT
ACCAACTTCGTCACCATGACAAACACCATGACAAACGGAATTCCATACTGGCTA
ATCGTGCATCTAGCTAGCTAGGTCGATCATATAGCTAGGCATACCATGACAAAC
TGCATGCTCGACTGGGCTACTAGCTGACTGGCGATCTTAAGCCCATGGGACTAC
TCCTAGCATCACCATGATCGATTCAGCTCATGCATCCATTTTACGCTAGTCGAT
ACCAACTTCGTCATCGTGCATCTAGCTAGCTAGGTCGATCATATAGCTAGGCAT
TGCATGCTCGACTGGGCTACTAGCTGACTGGCGATCTTAAGCCCATGGGACTAC
TCCTAGCATCACCATGATCGATTCAGCTCATGCATCCATTTTACGCTAGTCGAT
ACCAACTTCGTCACCATGACAAACACCATGACAAACGGAATTCCATACTGGCTA
ATCGTGCATCTAGCTAGCTAGGTCGATCATATAGCTAGGCATACCATGACAAAC
TGCATGCTCGACTGGGCTACTAGCTGACTGGCGATCTTAAGCCCATGGGACTAC
TCCTAGCATCACCATGATCGATTCAGCTCATGCATCCATTTTACGCTAGTCGAT
ACCAACTTCGTCATCGTGCATCTAGCTAGCTAGGTCGATCATATAGCTAGGCAT
TGCATGCTCGACTGGGCTACTAGCTGACTGGCGATCTTAAGCCCATGGGACTAC
TCCTAGCATCACCATGATCGATTCAGCTCATGCATCCATTTTACGCTAGTCGAT
ACCAACTTCGTCACCATGACAAACACCATGACAAACGGAATTCCATACTGGCTA
A Little Bit of Ying; A Little Bit of Yang
I'm not one to start rumors, but does anybody else see a striking resemblance between these two characters?
My intuition tells me they are one and the same person.
14 May 2010
Telemarketer
Ring...ring...ring
"Hello?"
"This is the minding other people's better business bureau telemarketing agency at an unknown location in America and various sites in Nigeria. How are you today?"
"Swell. And you?"
"Fine sir. We would like to yabba dadda yabba bubba ....."
"Sorry to interrupt, but I believe you have the wrong person. This is the U.S office of the Häagen-Dazs Proper Verb Conjugation Society. Where our motto is:
I Scream
You Scream
We All Scream for Ice Cream
So unless you are asking for advice on how to relieve ice cream headaches due to Cherry Garcia and other commonly mis-spelt words, I should like to bid you farewell and have an ice day. Good-bye."
(The above conversation is not an unusual occurrence in my life)... No kidding...
"Hello?"
"This is the minding other people's better business bureau telemarketing agency at an unknown location in America and various sites in Nigeria. How are you today?"
"Swell. And you?"
"Fine sir. We would like to yabba dadda yabba bubba ....."
"Sorry to interrupt, but I believe you have the wrong person. This is the U.S office of the Häagen-Dazs Proper Verb Conjugation Society. Where our motto is:
I Scream
You Scream
We All Scream for Ice Cream
So unless you are asking for advice on how to relieve ice cream headaches due to Cherry Garcia and other commonly mis-spelt words, I should like to bid you farewell and have an ice day. Good-bye."
(The above conversation is not an unusual occurrence in my life)... No kidding...
04 May 2010
The Game of Life
It came in a flash of insight. A revelation. A paradigmatic shift of consciousness. This time without the mushrooms.
Where there's a will, there's a way.
Where there's a way, there's a door.
Where there's a door, there's a knob.
Where there's a knob, there's a key.
Where there's a key, it'll probably get lost.
If it gets lost, it can be found by a good metal detector...
(This was a rather long epiphany and can be read in it's entirety in a future post)
I'll not bore you with the details but the end of the revelation was the answer to the Meaning of Life. More specifically, the meaning to Life-as-we-now-know-it. Not the next-life-as-some-of-us-will-know-it and certainly not life-in-any-previous-sort-of-existence.
The Meaning of Life is that life is essentially a game. A virtual reality game in which all the world's a stage and we're all the players. There's a small percentage of people that are actually stage props, but as they all now work for an un-named government agency we can disregard them for the time being.
Life, see, isn't really real. At least real as we usually think of the term real. It's virtual. The plan is for us to learn how to maneuver through all the different levels until time runs out or our energy levels deplete. In some cases, people really mess up and get removed from the system, but this is rare.
This virtual existence also explains spoon bending, the Bermuda Triangle, the rash of vanishing hitch-hikers on the West Coast, the occasional kidney heist, those hooks you sometimes see hanging on the doorway of your girlfriends house, UFOs, straight A's after your college roommate takes an extended vacation, and the Laws of Economics.
The secret is-we are not alone in the universe. Michael Jackson was right...you are not alone. Our actual bodies are hanging in some sort of hibernaculum/cocoon-like thing with tubes, wires, sensors, and probes all monitoring our every move.
Some of our more enlightened muses have even hinted around to our larval lives.
"Every breath you take and every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take, I'll be watching you
Every single day and every word you say
Every game you play"
--lyrics by Sting, boldness by me
Those beings you call angels are actually the hyper-somatic lab techs keeping us in the system. Some of the bad ones with plans of their own...the demons...keep trying to do their hack jobs. Occasionally, when things get slow, the angels will put on the VR gear and come into our sphere to do a little work...nudge us along...iron out the kinks...then step behind a tree and vanish.
Does this mean all those vanishing hitch-hikers in Los Angeles are angels?
Yep.
Does this mean all those hobos living under your neighborhood bridge are angels?
Nope.
Most of these are actual virtual real-life hobos...the ones you can smell. If they smell good, they might be hyper-somatic beings, people writing a book, or U.S. census workers trying to fit in. The rule of thumb is...if they smell like h.e. double l...they're not from heaven.
Where there's a will, there's a way.
Where there's a way, there's a door.
Where there's a door, there's a knob.
Where there's a knob, there's a key.
Where there's a key, it'll probably get lost.
If it gets lost, it can be found by a good metal detector...
(This was a rather long epiphany and can be read in it's entirety in a future post)
I'll not bore you with the details but the end of the revelation was the answer to the Meaning of Life. More specifically, the meaning to Life-as-we-now-know-it. Not the next-life-as-some-of-us-will-know-it and certainly not life-in-any-previous-sort-of-existence.
The Meaning of Life is that life is essentially a game. A virtual reality game in which all the world's a stage and we're all the players. There's a small percentage of people that are actually stage props, but as they all now work for an un-named government agency we can disregard them for the time being.
Life, see, isn't really real. At least real as we usually think of the term real. It's virtual. The plan is for us to learn how to maneuver through all the different levels until time runs out or our energy levels deplete. In some cases, people really mess up and get removed from the system, but this is rare.
This virtual existence also explains spoon bending, the Bermuda Triangle, the rash of vanishing hitch-hikers on the West Coast, the occasional kidney heist, those hooks you sometimes see hanging on the doorway of your girlfriends house, UFOs, straight A's after your college roommate takes an extended vacation, and the Laws of Economics.
The secret is-we are not alone in the universe. Michael Jackson was right...you are not alone. Our actual bodies are hanging in some sort of hibernaculum/cocoon-like thing with tubes, wires, sensors, and probes all monitoring our every move.
Some of our more enlightened muses have even hinted around to our larval lives.
"Every breath you take and every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take, I'll be watching you
Every single day and every word you say
Every game you play"
--lyrics by Sting, boldness by me
Those beings you call angels are actually the hyper-somatic lab techs keeping us in the system. Some of the bad ones with plans of their own...the demons...keep trying to do their hack jobs. Occasionally, when things get slow, the angels will put on the VR gear and come into our sphere to do a little work...nudge us along...iron out the kinks...then step behind a tree and vanish.
Does this mean all those vanishing hitch-hikers in Los Angeles are angels?
Yep.
Does this mean all those hobos living under your neighborhood bridge are angels?
Nope.
Most of these are actual virtual real-life hobos...the ones you can smell. If they smell good, they might be hyper-somatic beings, people writing a book, or U.S. census workers trying to fit in. The rule of thumb is...if they smell like h.e. double l...they're not from heaven.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)