I feel like Jason has just got run over by a truck and shot with a vial of bubonic plague. Everything hurts. Jason hates pain.
I'm...right now...a little high on pseudoepinephrin with HCl (that's Hydrocloric acid) and lots of vitamin C (that's Ascorbic acid). That's a lot of acid my friend. There's also caffeine and iboprofen coursing through my veins. I'm dehydrated and dizzy.
Jason got no sleep last night. He might be hallucinating. Logical Jason says, "don't be silly, I've always had pink elephants as pets in my 750 sq ft apartment."
At EXACTLY 9:11 AM...this is bizaar...All the phlegm in my nasal cavities converged to a certain spot to which I could no longer breathe. I coughed a huge cough, gasped, and raised myself from my bed of sloth...remember the ants Oh' though sluggard...Yep. I almost died from snot asphyxiation. I thought this is absolutely ridiculous. We all die someday, but I prefer to be doing some gallant deed like crashing the spacecraft into Mars or rescuing Alicia Silverstone from a gang of knife-wielding hoodlums while vacationing in Monaco.
LOCAL MAN DIES FROM A SNOT TO THE HEAD...as a headline is not how I want to discover heaven.