14 April 2007

Village of the Apes

Once there was a planet
Full of man-like apes
Who had the curious idea
Of turning Likes into Hates
According to a primate study in the mid-1900s, by one Sir Alfred, approximately 6% of all apes have worm-loving palates. Some scientists have placed doubt in the credibility of this experiment as all the test patients were rejects from an un-named primate research center, but the study might have some relevance to reality.
"We think all apes should eat worms, not bananas! Bananas are for men!" said Lewdspeaker from the treetops. "For centuries, our ancestors have eaten bananas, bananas, and nothing but bananas. And why?"
All the apes nodded in agreement. Not because they agreed with the logic of Lewdspeaker, but because of the Commonly Reasoned Aped Principle (CRAP) that caused all apes to think alike. Indeed it was quite impossible to do otherwise.
"Because of a society dominated by alpha-males!"
At Lewdspeaker's side sat Drone, respected lawyer for Convinced Apes Luv Urthworms (CALU), nodding encouragement.
"We can't help but eat worms! We were born this way! It's our rite!"
The apes nodded in unison.
"Alph-male lies! Soon, they'll want us to act like men. Furthermore, If we want to eat worms, who is to say we can't. We have free speech!"
More nodding in unison.
On a neighboring hillside
"What's her problem?" asked an old chimpanzee.
"She's lost her bananas," said the other chimp.
"Well, I'll be a monkey's knuckle. What was she saying last week?"
"She wanted to become an alpha-female. . ."
"Surely you jest."
"On second thought," said the first ape. "I'd say she's slightly mannish depressive and suffering delusions of gender."
"Could be, my friend, could be. . ."


kludge said...

Another Morality Tale?

You're quite apt at weaving these in your posts.

Good Post.

Jason said...

I'm thinking of writing a series and calling them 'Monkey Tales.'

About a tribe of mt. gorillas called the Hill-Airy clan.

kludge said...

That would be Hill-Air-ious!