Village of the Apes

Once there was a planet

Full of man-like apes

Who had the curious idea

Of turning Likes into Hates

According to a primate study in the mid-1900s, by one Sir Alfred, approximately 6% of all apes have worm-loving palates. Some scientists have placed doubt in the credibility of this experiment as all the test patients were rejects from an un-named primate research center, but the study might have some relevance to reality.

"We think all apes should eat worms, not bananas! Bananas are for men!" said Lewdspeaker from the treetops. "For centuries, our ancestors have eaten bananas, bananas, and nothing but bananas. And why?"

All the apes nodded in agreement. Not because they agreed with the logic of Lewdspeaker, but because of the Commonly Reasoned Aped Principle (CRAP) that caused all apes to think alike. Indeed it was quite impossible to do otherwise.

"Because of a society dominated by alpha-males!"

At Lewdspeaker's side sat Drone, respected lawyer for Convinced Apes Luv Urthworms (CALU), nodding encouragement.

"We can't help but eat worms! We were born this way! It's our rite!"

The apes nodded in unison.

"Alph-male lies! Soon, they'll want us to act like men. Furthermore, If we want to eat worms, who is to say we can't. We have free speech!"

More nodding in unison.

On a neighboring hillside

"What's her problem?" asked an old chimpanzee.

"She's lost her bananas," said the other chimp.

"Well, I'll be a monkey's knuckle. What was she saying last week?"

"She wanted to become an alpha-female. . ."

"Surely you jest."

"Nope"

"On second thought," said the first ape. "I'd say she's slightly mannish depressive and suffering delusions of gender."

"Could be, my friend, could be. . ."