22 September 2007

Lets Go, Bananas!

For some time now, the alpha-female of the Hill-Airy clan, Lewdspeaker, waxed eloquent.

"No, you don't understand. We are not like other chimps. We have 5 arms, not 4."

"I only see 4 and a tail," said a slightly confused barn owl.

"How would you know. . .why, why, you're a mere bird. What you call a tail is really an arm. Hill-Airy apes have 5 arms. Why, we're the next step in Ape-olution. Our ancestors walked upright and grunted different. Nobody understood one another with all the strange dialects running about. Now. . .we all think alike, speak alike, and talk rite. (Because what really matters is more bananas.)"

Lewdspeaker's latest mission was to raise taxes to pay for bananas from the Northern Barbarians. For reasons no chimp could truly comprehend, it was cheaper to import bananas than growing them on a tropical island. The Hill-Airy apes debated this from sun-up to sun-down with the other beasts during banana growing season and knew their logic to be firm, water-tight, somewhat mysterious, but in perfect accord with the Commonly Reasoned Ape Principles (CRAP).

"Besides," said Lewdspeaker, "To explain it fully would require lots of higher math and statistics. . .the kind only us of the 5-arms can understand."

editors note: I am feeling very ornery today.


kludge said...

Your no elite enough to be worth her acknowledgment, or more accurately, she's not sure either.

Jason said...

I'm still working on evolving a tail, let alone a 5th arm.