12 March 2008

Animal Farm

Do angels pat us on the head like puppies when we sleep? I kind of think they do things like this more than we realize. After all, they're invisible and more powerful than us. Why not? It would be neat to pet a lion without it not knowing.

Now, something like philosophy.

-Dogs are boys, cats are girls.
-Snakes are cursed, but not evil.
-Apes and monkeys are caricatures of humanity. Like clowns, but funny.
-Owls are smart, eagles are loners, and badgers are gruff old men who smoke pipes, read the paper, and wear slippers while they sit by the fireplace in their big leather chairs.
-Golden Retrievers, if they could talk,would chatter constantly, though not as much as squirrels. Squirrels tend to study journalism and want to work for CNN where they can live happily ever after.
-Pigs are usually frat boys who wear sports jerseys, hang out in bars, and consume mass quantities of potato chips, hot wings, and beer. Most of them are male, but few are female. They burp alot.
-Tortoises are shy and read novels. They can be funny, but have a dry sense of humor. They make good CPAs and have names like Aldo, Clarence, Leopold, or Terrance.
-Bears drive trucks and live in Oregon.
-Ants have no personality.
-I've only seen one armadillo in my life,(at NASA in Cape Canaveral), and it seemed like it was going to a business meeting. I don't think this was typical though.
-Cows are sleepy creatures who drive pick-up trucks and work mundane jobs. Dairy cows are old woman with glasses and aprons. They make homemade cookies, but never let you eat them until they cool down. Sometimes they'll let you lick the batter of the spoons.
-Whatever it is rabbits do, they think it is the most important thing in the world.
-Fish were made to be eaten, unless they're pastel-colored.
-Horses are moody and inquisitive. They also enjoy Powerbars. I know. I fed a horse a Powerbar and it wouldn't leave me alone the rest of the afternoon.
-Sea Lions are from New Jersey as they constantly bark and annoy anything and everything within earshot.
-Beagles are noble beasts, as are some camels. All beagles are British, and some camels too, but most camels are Egyptian.

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