A government for the people.

Barack has promised to redistribute the wealth should he get elected. Because while we all should strive for the American dream, we shouldn't strive too much, as that, apparently, would be unfair to the huddled masses yearning for more welfare.

He claims not to be a Socialist, and I for one, believe him.

I also believe in a flat Earth, Uniformitarian geology, and regularly consult the astrology column in Cosmopolitan for stock market advice.

A little primer on governments:

Socialism: This is where the government takes one of your two cows and gives it to your cow-less neighbor.

Communism: Everybody owns the cows and drinks the milk. It's one big happy family.

Monarchism: The king owns the cows and lets you drink the milk in exchange for picking his apple orchards.

Totalitarianism: The big guy in charge owns the cows, the milk, the apple orchards, and can do what he pleases.

Capitalism: This is where you sell one of your cows and buy a bull.

I think you know which one works best.

In Socialism, when all the industrious people-doctors, lawyers, engineers, and Indian chiefs-have to give what they've earned through hard-work, sweat, tears, and sleep-less nights working to lazy incompetent folks, they inevitably stop being industrious since they're no real reason to do so. All their work is for naught. In time, society decays and time reverses course to the Dark Ages. We've seen what happened to all those Eastern European countries and that thing formerly called the Soviet Union.