11 October 2008

Reading the Bible will rectify many stinking situations caused by BO

I want to take this time to encourage people to read the Bible as it is the definitive guide to Life as we know it.

It is also the definitive guide to Life-as-we-don't-know-it-as-of-yet, but will most certainly help us make sense of the next stage of Life in pretty much the same way as Physics 101 is rumored to do but without the math. A good thing for those of us not mathematically inclined and have trouble balancing a checkbook. And if you're like me, no matter how many times you try, every gust of wind keeps knocking the thing down.

Fortunately the Bible talks alot about money and even deifies the love of it and calls it Mammon. A nefarious god who was, and is, and will always be around for at least a few more years until he gets replaced by the credit card god. . .at the moment-nameless, but we'll call him Barry.

Barry, see, will be a wicked creature who thinks anybody with money should give it to him. . .which is what you'd expect as Barry is always asking for change and won't rest until nobody has any money and change will be a dream of the past.

Like Robin Hood and his merry band of leotard-wearing men, he will take stuff from the Haves and give it to the Have Nots. You can think of it as robbing in the hood. In time, equality will be reached as everybody will be a Have Not.

We won't know it, of course, as language will simply be a complicated series of handshakes, emoticons, and rhetoric due the the Googlar phenomenon.

The Googlar Phenomenon???

Yes, you know, nobody really knows anything because the Googlar will answer all things so we can spend the rest of Life doing the important things like updating our Facebook and Myspace pages. . .minding other's business in the New Stone Age. . .or the (NSA) as it will be called.

You see, reality is frequently inaccurate, which makes Life only that much more interesting. For who can stand to exist in a reality in which one knows what's going to happen 5 minutes from now?

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