Roast Beast

Of the conversations held over this week-end, the one that really stands out is the 'exotic meats eaten,' held over the course of one Saturday afternoon.

Many people described eating bears, snakes, horses, water buffalo, zebras, various members of the insect Kingdom, birds, cephalopods, and several unclean beasts that don't even have a chance of becoming kosher.

Surprisingly, nobody had ever eaten Pangolin. Even more surprising, was the fact nobody knew what a Pangolin looked like.

Pangolins, as you know, are the result of a biochemist who, in what can only be described as a fit of madness, inserted a pine cone chromosome into the genome of a mongoose. And now is sitting at home with his wife Matilda saying, "There's yore danged missing link for ya boys. Figure out what that came from."

You would think that somebody would have tasted 'Roast Pangolin' before eating squid or snails, but no.

One thing we did agree on is 'Roast Pangolin' probably tastes like pine-scented chicken.

So, if anybody out in cyberspace, outerspace, or. . .perhaps just spaced out. . .has eaten one of these creatures, please tell me.

I'm a biologist. It's my job.


Todays Tidbit: On this date in 1935, Arthur Kneibler (no relation to the Keebler elves) received a patent for men's briefs. . .aka underwear. According to the Ottawa Citizen and the Chicago Tribune, a 1935 magazine ad touted it's 'scientific suspension' and 'restful buoyancy.'

It still amazes me how humans survived the Ice Age.

Another reason not to live in Alabama

This creature was shot by an 11-year-old in Alabama recently, according to CNN.com. At over 1,000 pounds, it's almost as big as the world's heaviest human. I don't know where the world's heaviest human lives, but to think that a member of the same species as me is bigger than this beast is a little frightening.

I wonder how much bacon the kid will get from this thing?

The eagles are coming

The eagles are getting restless. They're wanting to leave to nest. They're no longer content to spend all day eating fish inside. They're standing on the walls of the nest scoping out the people. Watching mothers walk with their newborns in the park. Hopping on the limbs. Peeing on innocent bystanders (must be guys). Getting ready for their maiden flights. Already they're flapping their wings and 'flying' from branch to branch for practice.

running news: 4 miles this afternoon in 90 degree sunny weather. Did not feel that great. The run felt more like a death march. A Chesapeake trail of tears. Current very thirsty.

I get high with a little help from my friends

16,000 feet altitude above Tengboche Monastery



The mountain in the distance is (I think) Ama Dablam




Naamche Bazaar




Nepali Girl in Kathmandu






Mt. Everest



Durbur Square (in the old area beside Kathmandu and the former capital hundreds of years ago)

Suspension bridge that I saw a yak walk across




When small dogs go bad in 3rd world communist countries




airport in Lukla

Nepal is...

a must-go-to country, and the capital-Kathmandu-is like. . .well it's something unlike anything you've ever seen (or smelled).

The entire country is like 13th century Europe with lots of shops selling fake North Face jackets, handmade Gurkha knives, yak sweaters (avg cost-700 rupees), masks, little wooden Buddhas (he was born there), incense, lots of fake (genuine mountaineering equipment), dead animal parts, and much more. Kathmandu is a little like Bree or Hobbiton-everybody is 5-feet-tall, brown, and wears size 1 Levis. . .and sandals. It's amazing really. After 29+ hours and 3 planes, you rapidly come to the conclusion that 'you're not in Kansas anymore. You've come to the land of the little people.'

Food: Food is cheap. 75 cents will get you a plate of fried rice, fried fish, fried something else, some fried green things, and a Fanta. Fanta is common there, very common. So is opium and marijuana. Marijuana is a weed in Nepal that grows everywhere. There's a few nice plants at the airport parking lot if you're interested.

When trekking in the Himalaya (not Himalayas. . .there is no 's'), food is another story. Everything is carried with you, or rather, on the backs of porters.

What we ate in the mountains: yak jerky, eggs, tea, boiled lemonade, flat bread, and 37 combinations of yak jerky, eggs, bread. Oh, candy bars. Candy bars are also the currency in the high Himalaya. You can get anything you want with chocolate candy bars, as rupees and dollars are useless here.

Buddhist temples: they have them here. 99% of the country is Buddhist. I think Christianity is forbidden (not sure). The temples are cold, clammy, evil, empty, dry places. If you want to know what real evil spirits feel like-this is the place. I wouldn't go into one alone. There's more than lamas (priests) living in the temples. Strange things happen here. Very strange.

Mt. Everest: high, very high. Very hard to breathe here. Base camp consists of millions of rocks on a glacier. Everest itself is like a painting due to the clear air (what little air there is), lack of pollution, and you wonder how anybody could ever summit the thing and survive.

I think later today, I will post some pictures.

In running news: This afternoon I ran 6 miles very, very slowly. On sheer will power. I like to think Jason is simulating the last 10k of the marathon.

No Doubt about it

OK.

I don't want anyone to think I'm a heretic, but lately I've been having some doubts.

I know, I know.

"Jason, you weren't raised like this."

You're right. I wasn't. Still, every once in a while, in the back of my mind, there's this gnawing sensation. . .an empty feeling. . .something in the pit of my stomach.

And. . .and. . .it, well. . .makes me uncomfortable. This nothingness. This void.

I want to believe. I truly do. But at times-it's hard.

Again, don't get me wrong. I'm not losing my beliefs. I mean, I know it's true. Why would there be so many adherents if it were not?

There's the crowds, the filled stadiums. This transcendence of cultures, that warm fuzzy feeling you get from being next to your fellow man week by week. The bonding. The sharing. Sometimes there's even. . .tears.

Still.

Still. . .(and this is hard to admit), but. . .

Does anybody else have this nagging feeling that. . .

Professional Wrestling is not quite everything it seems to be???

Anybody???

Have you ever. . .

spent a good hour in a serious conversation with somebody who has never been out of the county, except twice in their life?

and. . .has no concept of where any of the states are located??

And they honestly believe that Colorado is near the Pacific?

And thinks any day now, we'll be sending somebody to Mars?

Just wondering. (That's all I'm going to say about that)

I'm going to start posting some of my marathon training here, so that people from Letsrun.com can mock me and others can see what I do. And see what I don't do. And ask me why I am sometimes not doing what I should be doing. And doing what I sometimes should not be doing.

So.

This afternoon consisted of a flat six miles. First three were fairly easy. 4th mile felt blah. 5th and 6th mile were something like a death march. It might have been the chile and chicken sandwich from Wendys I ate at 1 AM Sunday night.

Most of my running for the next 3 months will be in the middle of the afternoon, at sea level, over mostly flat terrain, with fairly high humidity. I should not call it 'marathon training.' It's more like 'pre-marathon' training. That's running to get into shape before you start training.

'TLC training'

Tendons, ligaments, and cartilage will theoretically be strengthened during this phase. Some weight will be lost, and the body will gradually become acclimated to running for longer periods of time. I won't be concerned about mile splits and other times.

Montanas

This are some of the reasons I am moving North-by-Northwest. [Note: I didn't take these. They come from a major metropolitan newspaper in Seattle]

My last job, as an aquatic biologist, involved stream restoration studies. One of the ways to do this was to add rootwads in the river. This slowed the current and provided a pool for fish to hang out and rest in. In West Virginia, if one placed a rootwad the size of the above pic, you would dam the river.

State of Fear

Just now. . .(5 minutes ago). . .got hold of Crichton's book here. I have drunk the coffee, adjusted the lighting, removed the dust jacket. . .and will now. . .(in 5 minutes). . .read about global warming and conspiracies.

Life is officially good.

(Does anybody know what 'Windows is increasing your virtual memory' mean? I hope it's not a pop-up ad)

Palantir Making 101

Ever want to make a real-live palantir? Guaranteed to make the make the ladies swoon like Gandalf.

Kludge has posted a link on how to do this.

The Crass Class Crayola Caste Case Society

We had a visitor recently-a little black boy named Jacobi. He likes to hang out with my sister, especially since she feeds the little guy ice cream. He also enjoys jumping on beds, knocking houseplants over with the remote-control Hummer, making funny faces in the mirror while singing funny little songs, and chewing crayons. He also thinks my weight bench is either a car, or a horse. . .we're not sure which.

I thought about my own child experience with crayons. Really quite traumatic, but I have since recovered. Every year, we were given a list of essentials for school; pens, papers, pencils, crayons, the newest Trapper-Keeper (remember these? They always trapped and kept my homework for weeks. . .hidden and lost), glue, etc. Now at Barrackville Elementary, we had a caste system based on crayons.

Seriously.

The Lower Class Crayola Caste: These people had your basic eight colors (red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and purple) plus black, white, and gray.

The Middle Class Crayola Caste: These were your Blue Bourgeois Bills and Pink Proletarian Pams. The middies could splurge a little. In addition to roy g. bip and the generics, they owned your heavy metals (gold, silver, copper), mustard, charcoal, teal, aquamarine, and various flesh tones (tan, sepia, light brown, indian red.)

The Aristoclass Crayola Caste: Remember these people? Yeah, the ones with the 120-color-Big-Kahuna-all-you-can-see-colorized-pallet-buffet-smorgasboard of visual delights. You had your periwinkles, your mauves, your ochres. . .chartreuse, scarlet red. These people had colors that didn't even exist in nature. . .esoteric orange, purple mountain majesty..........helloooooo. You hear what I'm saying! Some pot-smoking hippy chemist from Haight-Ashbury mixing chemicals. Taking FD & C # 3 Red and bathing it with radiation. Mixing Uranium isotopes in with the copper. We're talking Fushia Phils, Sepia Sams, your Magenta Marys. . .and if that wasn't enough. They didn't even call gray-gray.

Called it grey. Spelt like the Queen of England spells it. Another slight at us outcast Lower Class Crayola Casters! You know what I'm saying!

Yeah, yeah. I remember those days. How Mauvelaus Mahogany Maude would sidle up to me in art class, toss her curls, and nonchalantly twirl one of her golden locks with a 'burnt sienna.'

"My trees are ochre and chartreuse. What are yours?"

"Green and Brown," I mumbled while staring at the floor in shame came my less than colorful reply.

"Figures. You're parents just don't luv you like mine. Besides, you're probably. . .ya know. . .adopted. . ."

12,190 days old and counting

Make that 12,190. . .I like even numbers. As odd as that may be. Unless they're prime numbers. . .small prime numbers. Like 7 or 3. Sometimes 11 amuses me, but I always feel like I'm missing something.

The Fundamental Theorem of Arithmetic shows that the primes are the building blocks of the positive integers: every positive integer is a product of prime numbers in one and only one way. I do not know how that works right off hand, so don't make me explain it to you. I need a nap.

232582657-1<----- This, btw, is the largest known prime number.

(This should be 2 to the 32582657th power minus 1)

I am 12,189 days old

Found this on a most interesting blog today.

This here revolutionary calculate the number of days since whatever floats you're boat thingamajig gives you the number of days since a certain event happened (Did I just write a run-on sentence???)

Does it seem like people always say the say exact thing over and over again, if not everyday, but at discrete intervals, like, say. . .every three days. . .always repeating themselves because it must seem like the thing to do cause, after all. . .nothing new happens under the sun. Everything repeats repeats repeats itself, always. Like Groundhog Day. People always do this I notice. Always saying, "Boy, this week sure went by quickly. Did it seem fast to you?" (This is what one of my co-workers says every single week without fail on Thursday night.) It's like clockwork, predictable clockwork. Not talking cuckoo clockwork, but atomic clock thinking here. I mean, people always say the same things. Is there nothing else going on in the Universe? There must be. If not here, then in some obscure place like Borneo. Actually, I think people repeat themselves much more in Borneo. After all, they're barely out of the Stone Age in Borneo and I know things haven't changed much over there.

"So, Taku, thing it'll rain today?"
"Prolly so Bill, rainy season ya know. Always does in rainy season."

Things, LIFE, should not be this way. Every day should give people something to talk about, no matter how insignificant. Good things. . .not "Let's give them something to talk about" types of things which seem to be quite the thing nowadays. God is doing a new thing, said somebody in a wave of revelation once upon a morning dreary. . .unless it was in a desert. . .if it was in a desert, that man must have had faith in God.

Watchman Nee

This is one of those books that all Christians should read. I do not think that much of it would make sense to a non-Christian, therefore I do not recommend it to them. In a nutshell, it discusses the tripartite nature of man. His spirit, soul, and body. . .in great detail. Most people have a great deal of difficulty discerning the differences between the three. This should not be so.


I first read it about ten years ago, and honestly, there were many sections which I knew to be true intuitively, but it was very difficult to accept. Things that all Christians should know, and do know, but purposely do not recall and repress, which leads of course to a less than optimal life here on good ole' planet Earth.


There are very very few books out there I think every Christian should have, but this is on that should be sitting on your coffee table. Another is 'Mere Christianity' by C.S. Lewis.

I might post today

I have had a headache for almost three days now. Sometimes it goes away, but only for a few hours. Is it the heat? Stress? Work-related chemicals stained on my clothes? Pollen?

Who knows. I have a remedy for getting rid of pesky headaches. 1st you take two advil, second you drink a carbonated beverage (this is to facilitate the drugs entrance into the bloodstream. . .because of the CO2). Then you drink a glass of water and run 6-8 miles fairly hard. The first 1-2 miles can be pretty painful, but once the blood flow increases, you feel better. I should note that only running does this. Weight-lifting and bicycling do not. . .they only increase the pain. Shortly after the running, you eat something. With a little protein in it-not much. It should be easily digestible and most definately not come from a fast food establishment. Spaghetti works good.

I have decided to run a marathon. Probably not for at least one year. The goal is 3 hours. Note: I intend to run a marathon, not race one. The main reason is to get back into shape, so I figure that if I can run 26.2 miles non-stop in 180 minutes, I will be in good shape.

I think I'm in fairly good shape right now, certainly better than most people. But, I remember the times when I would go out and run a sub-5-minute mile and it felt ridiculously easy. I want to be able to do this again. Only this time, I hope not to be so obsessive compulsive about my training.

Go away. I am a mean person.

Saturday Night. 9:03 PM. Chesapeake, Virginia. Dark and Stormy Night. 'Knock! Knock!' Visitors. I put down my current read. 'Novel Role for Aeromonas jandaei as a Digestive Tract Symbiont of the North American Medicinal Leech.' [ed. note: get out more] I look through my peephole and see an eyeball. I simultaneously laugh and fear. I figure it's Sauron, a homeless man seeking shelter, or one of my sister's friends. I crack open the door.

"Boo!" says an obese black man with ugly tie and cheap cologne. "Didn't scare ya did I?"

"No. I'm glad you're not the Dark Lord of Mordor."

Perplexation. Amusation. Continuation. . .of conversation. The man holds a bottle of pink fluid in my face.

"Do you know what is in this bottle?

"No, but I'm sure it'll kill me if I drink it. Do you know what's in that bottle?"

More perplexation. "This is the best cleaning product money can buy."

He whips out a tattered sheet of paper which looks remarkably like one of the Dead Sea Scrolls. Upon closer examination, I see a shopping list for Home Depot. . .in English. I hide my disappointment at not seeing household appliances in ancient Hebrew.

"Sorry, Buddy. But I just bought-this very morning-some cleaning supplies from Wal-Mart. Most of which I didn't really need."

"Ahhh, man," quoth the black man. "You sure? It's the perfect chemical."

"No, chicle is the perfect chemical. That's what chewing gum is made of. Chicle is like squid, except chicle grows in trees and won't squirt you with ink. Nor will a chicle tree try to eat you should you fall overboard."

"Um. . .OK. . .Thanks, though. Oh. . .and God Bless you."

He picks his (still smoking) cigarette wedged in my window pane and trudges off into the night.

El cinq de Mai

Because El Cinco de Mayo sounds like a sandwich. . .in case ya wanna know

More moving news: After reading a ridiculous number of Washington blogs, probably more than the FBI, I have a picture of your average Washingtonian.

-Everybody works for Boeing, Microsoft, or in the lumber industry.
-Like the English, (btw, Queen Elizabeth II came over the other day) everybody reads books and writes.
-Pacific Northwesterners are mellow. It's like they're all secretly desiring to be wildlife biologists.
-Everybody has pale skin and needs Vitamin D supplements due to the lack of sunshine.

Nobody on the East coast ever mentions Washington in casual conversation. Makes one wonder what they're doing way up there in their corner of the continent. Being quiet, never saying anything, pretending to be Canadians, drinking coffee, wearing parkas.

It's like Maine-without the moose. Maine. . .cold, stark, severe, barren. . .Maine. Might as well say you're from Iceland.

We know orcas live in Washington. We see them on Animal Planet eating seals. Washington orcas are dangerous. Much more so than Shamu and co.

What with the orcas in the ocean and Bigfoot on the land, what do Washingtonians do? I think they go salmon fishing on the Columbia River. Cause everyone knows gorillas won't cross a river and rivers are too shallow for orcas.

Growing up, I thought WA kids very brave living with Bigfoot prowling and lurking. I got a little concerned after reading a book about the creature, sat down, and calculated the minimum amount of time it would take me to run to the bus stop should hirsute Harry let chase from the woods behind my house.

I figured 10 seconds to spare under ideal conditions.

Note: The red squiggly line would have been the most logical path for the beast to travel. And yes, I do have alot of free time.

Why some people should never become parents

"This little piggy went to market.'
"This little piggy stayed home."
"And this little piggy was used as a test animal in a baseline forensic entomology study. . .we'll not say what happened to him."

No toy has stimulated young adolescent minds like the model rocket. Gunpowder, I've always said, should never be sold legally to minors in the form of engines designed to propel miniature ICBM's to little boys.



(Former model rocketeer???)

Building model rockets was a hobby of mine. Truthfully, I would sit in my bedroom for days constructing the things until my parents forced me to eat. . .and to air out the glue and paint fumes. At first, I put the rockets together as the directions said.

Then. . .came the modifications.

One I built was called the 'mosquito.' It stood 3 inches tall and shot 300 ft in the air. This took every bit of 0.3 seconds . . . about the speed of a bullet.

Another nameless creation sped 100 ft in the air, spun around in mad circles, and exploded into a shower of sparks above a crowd of students and one teacher. They all cheered. Unfortunately, it was not designed to do this.

Another rocket was designed to do this. I surgically removed the propellant from one engine, and added it with the propellant from a second engine, and filled in the empty spaces with gunpowder (gotten from some shotgun shells and a certain friend who shall remain nameless lest his parents are internet-saavy blog readers.) This was designed to go up a thousand feet and explode in a blaze of glory, with the remnant falling gently to the ground in a parachute. Unfortunately, the nose cone was glued on and what could be described as a semi-harmless toy, evolved into a one-foot-long projectile weapon of least destruction. It landed 1/2 a mile from the elementary school, and for I know, is still embedded in the roof of a grouchy old man.

My greatest creation was the eight-foot-tall cardboard mock German V-2. It was so big, it couldn't fit through my bedroom door. It had to be lowered to the ground from my window.
The V-2 didn't actually get off the ground-just shook a little bit and made a small crater in the backyard. My parents often wondered at this large blackened area. When questioned, I merely shrugged and said it could have been a lightening strike.

The shoulder mounted rocket launcher: My mom took one look at this and asked what it was.

She shrieked.

I thought having a hand-made shoulder mounted rocket launcher would be neat to try. . .after all, don't kids in Afghanistan play with these things?

Alas, the greatest project never came to be. It was stopped dead in it's tracks at the hobby store. The parents dropped me off here to amuse me. They asked if I found anything I liked. I made a list. . .10 feet of plastic tubing, model airplane fuel, some large sheets of balsa wood, 2 or 3 metal pipes. . .the lights went off, bells chimed, and parental instincts kicked in.

"Building something, Jason?"
"Yeah. I designed a surface-to-air missile and just needed a few things."

My goal, see, was the Atlantic Ocean. . .400 miles away.

I'm surprised my parents aren't addicted to prescription drugs.

Time flies. I can't, they're too fast

Some thoughts I jotted down while waiting to clock out.

If one believes that thinking is what the brain does. One is wrong. Brains do not think. Brains process electrical signals and are the material medium most closely associated with the soul. It is correct to say the soul thinks. In college biology classes, one is taught according to Darwinism. According to Darwiniam, there is no such thing as a soul. . .so, thoughts must be the result of how the brain reacts to the environment. Or, perhaps thoughts are an emergent property of the brain-sort of like. . .what? This makes no sense to me. It's like saying that 'War and Peace' is an emergent property of the ink and paper its printed on. If matter, all that we can see, touch, and feel is all that there ever was and ever will be, as Carl Sagan said, then such abstract principles like bravery, paradigms, theorems, and numbers do not exist, nor could they exist in such a reality. Yet, it seems to me that there is good evidence that numbers, theories, and worldviews exist. Now, it also seems to me that if the worldview called Darwinism doesn't allow for the existence of worldviews, then Darwinism is not quite the best explanation for reality. Yes, there is evidence for Darwinism. There's also evidence for a flat earth. . .ever been to Kansas?

Every effect in the universe must have a cause. So, if one extrapolates to the first instant of the universe's beginning-what was the cause? More importantly, Who caused it? One may think that the universe is cyclical, that everything happens over and over again like a cosmic Groundhog Day. Yet, it must have had an initial starting point. Besides, this is really not answering the question-just putting off the initial Cause a few billion years.

If our laws are not based on a moral principle that remains unchanged throughout history. . .I'm thinking about the U.S. Constitution right now. . .and original intent. . .and is instead based on a subjective agreement derived from societal norms and customs as most colleges teach, and Slate magazine too, then if one follows the logical endpoint of this worldview, one cannot say that 911 was a bad event, terrorists cannot be evil, and what Hitler did was just his preference.

If these same people who don't believe in an objective right and wrong, just preferences, like a preference for an 'alternate lifestyle,' should they be running this country and put in positions of leadership? I think it would be better to have leaders with a better view of reality.

When most Americans define 'freedom,' they say it is the right to do what you want to do-even if it is wrong and doesn't hurt anybody else. This belief is a little ridiculous. If what you do is wrong, then it does hurt everybody else. . .quite literally. Society is just a tiny bit worse off due to your wrong-doing. Everything is not quite as good as it could be. 'Freedom' is the ability to do right without fear of punishment. It's one of the reasons why we came from England.

A sad state of affairs

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But, then one
suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer, not to love is to
suffer, to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love, to be happy, then, is to
suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy, therefore, to be unhappy one must love,
or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness — I hope you're getting
this down.

--Woody Allen, Love and Death (1975)

In 1995, 43 million prescriptions for antidepressants were written in the U.S. In 2004, the number written was 145 million.

Depressing isn't it?

There are now 300 million people in the U.S. Half of them depressed, the other half are, we can assume, happy or suffering, but not on antidepressants.

This is not including all the aliens living here that must be happy, or happier, than the 3rd world country run by the nicely tanned dictator who enforced a one sheet per day maximum they came from.

I don’t consider myself depressed. . .melancholy perhaps. There are days when I crawl into a dark corner, curl up in the fetal position, and curse war, famine, pestilence, and that other jockey fellow.

Part of the reason is death. Humans, with a few exceptions (Enoch, Elijah, Dick Clark) are mortal, know it, and hence strive for immortality. So, we get sad. I want to achieve immortality myself, although I want to do this by not dying.

Animals don’t get sad because they aren’t aware of impending death. They can’t think abstract subjective thoughts. Perhaps antidepressants, like watching TV, relieve the suffering mind from considering it’s impending doom.

It’s something to think about on your way to the pharmacy.

Sid Roth

Sid Roth is coming to our church this Sunday morning at 9 AM.

He's a very good speaker and a messianic Jew. Should be interesting.

Madam, Can you spare a square?

It's true.

Sheryl Crow suggests that people use 1 sheet of toilet paper per man per day (or trip).

Does anybody else find this disturbing?

What is truly amazing is the fact that Ms. Crow and lance Armstrong used to be an item. Lance, as you know, is the 7-time winner of the Tour de France bicycle race. Pro cyclists in the Tour eat about 10,000 calories of food/day during the 3-week race.

10,000 calories a day is alot of coarse particulate organic matter, and 1, or 2, or even 3 sheets of the best aloe scented French papier simply won't cut it. . .not even the industrial grade 3-ply that Alaskan fishermen and Siberian lumberjacks use.

You eat 10,000 calories/day and you're gonna need a trowel and a garden hose. Granted, there are those times when one makes, I think the euphemism is, a clean-get-away, and one sheet will do. But still, you'll need another sheet. . .you know. . .the just because sheet.

She also proposes something called a 'dining sleeve.' A detachable sleeve used to wipe your mouth at restaurants. Somehow I don't think this idea will catch on. We have a name for such people. They're called Slobs.

Stats

Some interesting statistics I found over the week-end.

18% of all the Nobel prizes ever awarded were given to Jews. And yet, Jewish people comprise only 0.2% of the earth's population.

Eagles

Virginia is a rather subdued state right now. So, I've decided to post a link to the Norfolk eagle cam.

About 20 minutes down the road, two bald eagles have a very very large nest (800 lbs I think) and three baby eagles. The eaglets seem to eat non-stop. Not sure what it is they are eating, but it's probably fish from Chesapeake Bay.

Eagle Cam

Village of the Apes

Once there was a planet

Full of man-like apes

Who had the curious idea

Of turning Likes into Hates

According to a primate study in the mid-1900s, by one Sir Alfred, approximately 6% of all apes have worm-loving palates. Some scientists have placed doubt in the credibility of this experiment as all the test patients were rejects from an un-named primate research center, but the study might have some relevance to reality.

"We think all apes should eat worms, not bananas! Bananas are for men!" said Lewdspeaker from the treetops. "For centuries, our ancestors have eaten bananas, bananas, and nothing but bananas. And why?"

All the apes nodded in agreement. Not because they agreed with the logic of Lewdspeaker, but because of the Commonly Reasoned Aped Principle (CRAP) that caused all apes to think alike. Indeed it was quite impossible to do otherwise.

"Because of a society dominated by alpha-males!"

At Lewdspeaker's side sat Drone, respected lawyer for Convinced Apes Luv Urthworms (CALU), nodding encouragement.

"We can't help but eat worms! We were born this way! It's our rite!"

The apes nodded in unison.

"Alph-male lies! Soon, they'll want us to act like men. Furthermore, If we want to eat worms, who is to say we can't. We have free speech!"

More nodding in unison.

On a neighboring hillside

"What's her problem?" asked an old chimpanzee.

"She's lost her bananas," said the other chimp.

"Well, I'll be a monkey's knuckle. What was she saying last week?"

"She wanted to become an alpha-female. . ."

"Surely you jest."

"Nope"

"On second thought," said the first ape. "I'd say she's slightly mannish depressive and suffering delusions of gender."

"Could be, my friend, could be. . ."

More Rabbits and Men. . .continued from a previous post

Life in the garden was good. Nin and Sally grew big and healthy, the carrots made their fur soft, and the fence, guarded by the servants, gave them protection from elil.

One day, an elil, a fox, tunneled it's way under the fence and emerged in the turnip row. Sally, who had never actually seen an elil, and wasn't exactly certain what one looked like, was curious. She hopped over to the creature and admired his soft red fur, bushy tail, and small pointy ears.

"He doesn't look dangerous," she thought.

The fox convinced Sally to try the grapes.

Although rabbits have a natural repugnance toward soft food, the elil persuaded her to taste them anyway. The softness was unlike anything she'd ever eaten before-unlike the hard carrots and grasses she usually ate, and tasted like sweet-n-slugs.

Now, rabbits must chew hard food to wear down their teeth as they never stop growing. Nevertheless, the grapes fermented in her stomach and caused Sally great distress. Her metabolic system grew addicted to grapes, and she craved them.

In time, she lost all her wits and convinced Nin to try them too. The diet of grapes (and only grapes) turned their teeth into fangs (Lagomorphism.)

Farmer John recognized their lagomorphic character, and despite what Nin and Sally said, he had no choice but to banish the two rabbits from the garden lest they kill themselves.

As punishment, the rabbits would have to raid gardens at their peril. And to the fox he said,

"Cursed be you above all elil. From this day forward, rabbits will be a delicacy for you, but I will so increase their speed and agility that only by the sweat of your brow will you catch the delight of your tongue!"

And that is why foxes are the chief enemies of rabbits.

Running

A few of the interesting things I've seen lately while running around the lake.

-The first snake of the year. . .today
-snapping turtles
-a very large cat with a beard fishing in a stream
-a heron gulping down fish
-Laverne and Shirley
-two senior citizens throwing rocks at some unfortunate creature in the lake
-an unknown creature in the lake that was unfortunate
-two teenage girls dressed like medieval princesses
-one minature dog impersonating a zebra

Volcano Baby

(I think the video needs no explanation)

Of Rabbits and Men

If people are rabbits, then God is like Farmer John, and angels are like his servants. Demons are, well, like former employees who got fired for negligence and now have have some kind of vendetta against the rabbits. . .cause they're not doing much against the current employees.

To the rabbits, Farmer John's ways are mysterious. He has strange powers and laws, yet has the best interest of the little furry folk in mind.

One day, Farmer John planted a garden with lettuce, radishes, turnips, carrots, potatoes, tomatoes, green beans, and corn. He told the two occupants, Nimrophel and Seladorn (Nin and Sally in the vernacular) to take care of the garden-make sure all the insects were crushed and keep all the other animals out. This wasn't hard as a large fence surrounded the garden and the farm workers shot any wild creatures, or elil in rabbit-speech (a noble tongue long since forgotten.)

In the center of the garden, John planted a grape vine and told the 2 rabbits to never eat the grapes because they were for his servants. As the garden was the only place with the proper soil, he hadn't much choice in the matter. Besides, if his former employees got hold of the grapes, it would be only a matter of time before they'd be producing a hybrid variety that was somewhat poisonous and bitter-tasting.

John came out at times to talk with Nin and Sally about herbs and their ways, care of paws, and other rabbit things. He also had the strange custom of patting their furry little heads. Neither Nin, nor Sally could make heads or tails of this strange behavior and discussed it to no end. In fact, one of their descendants wrote a book about head patting and made a religion about it called Pattingheadism, since he thought it caused him enlightenment.

6 April 2007

Also known as Good Friday.

Twas the Friday before Easter
And all through the lab
Not a creature was stirring
Except Jason the lad

He was stirring some coffee
A new Brazilian brew
That was blacker than black
And thicker than stew

All the buzzers were buzzing
The timers were too
The machines were running splendid
(As far as he knew)

But something was amiss
The coffee tasted like steam
Alas! The machines were all broken
It had all been a dream

It's official. I'm bored.

some thoughts

According to mapquest, it is impossible to go from here to there. I tried.

Random thoughts: Let's pray Dick Cheney stays healthy. Nancy Pelosi is next in the batter's box should the first two strike out.

I saw a dead cat that didn't use all it's 9 lives. This too is meaningless. A cat chaing the wind. The book of Proverbs says a beautiful woman who shows no discretion is like a gold ring in a pig's snout. I like Solomon. Think about Solomon. Solo mon (spoken in Jamaican-nasal-speak). If there is anything he was, it certainly wasn't solo. God gave Solomon great wisdom. He was a genius. And like most geniuses, went crazy. Crazy with the women, crazy with the building projects, crazy with Life. And still, his wisdom never left him. Solomon had no prophet to be accountable to, says Ravi Zacharias.

If a tree falls down in a forest. Yes, it does make a sound. My sister needs a husband. She eats all my food and I'm paying all the bills. Why are they called bills anyways? Why not Toms are Salleys?

I am ClodsleyShovel

I joined some funky instant messenger-like site today called twitter. I am ClodsleyShovel.

I've noticed that most of my journel entries begin with "I." I this, I that. Today, I. I. . .I. . .I.
me. . .me. . .me. It's craziness, like I'm the only one on the planet. And who do people keep journals for? Why their distant ancestors, of course. 300 hundred years from now, one of my descendants will be reading my journals (men write journals, women write diaries) and wonder what I'm talking about half the time. (People used to drive CARS?) Of course, by then the English language will have evolved into something like a series of never-ending acronyms.

Y? :) . . . LOL O.IC.

It will be something like hieroglyphics in Times New Roman font. Many people are shaving their heads, getting tattoos, and turning into little pagans. Global warming might be happening. The rainforests are disappearing and turning into sand dunes. Yep, We're going back to Egypt, boys.

Back back back to Egypt
back back back
Back back back to Egypt
all the way back

We'll place our sacks on camels backs
And watch these guys make some tracks

We'll cross the Nile in single file
And give ol' Pharaoh our broadest smile. . .

Back back back to Egypt. . .

Actually, I think I will be here on planet Earth 300 years from now. If you are a Christian, this last sentence will be understandable to you. If not, then perhaps you might want to consider Christianity. Most people think it is a religion, and in some respects they're right, but that's not an accurate picture of reality. It's like calling a computer a plastic box.

The fact that miracles exist really disturbs some people. By miracles, I'm not talking about something like. . .the 'miracle' of the internal combustion engine. Or the 'miracle' of the internet. I'm talking about somebody who doesn't have an arm, suddenly growing one. I've never seen this happen, but according to Christianity, it can happen. Miracles, by their very nature, are not repeatable testable phenomena, like measuring pH. They supersede the Laws of Nature. I was going to say 'break the Laws of Nature' but that would be inaccurate. Miracles supersede the Natural Laws in the same way Quantum physics supersedes Newtonian physics. Measuring balls drop, calculating projectile motion is fine and good for everyday stuff, but when you're moving at superfast speeds, like 10% the speed of light, or studying stuff on the quantum level, Newtonian physics isn't as accurate as Q physics. Miracles are in another reference frame of reality completely.

2 April 2007 Anno Domini

It's Monday again and Jason has a headache, so his alter-ego is posting for him. His alter-ego has the same name as Jason, so this could be rather confusing. Jason always has a headache for aproximately half a day on Mondays. This is because he wakes up at 7AM on Sundays, runs a TV camera for 3-4 hours, then works for another 8-9 hours in a chemistry lab where his brain is subjected to coal dust, sulfuric and nitric acid fumes, and the stench of burning sulfur. . .which is why his clothes smell like hell. . .and no, that's not frivolous cursing. . .they actual do smell like gehenna. . .burnt sulfur and all that. This is on top of converting his body from a nocturnal creature to a day creature and back to a nocturnal creature. Like Jason experiences something like jet-lag every week.

Spring in Virginia means Flounder prices drop to purchasable levels and yellow-dusty cars. My car now resembles a blue dolphin sprinkled with curry powder. Spring also means the arrival of more baby rabbits hiding in the shrubbery. Before sunrise, they come out to play, chew grass, and stare at people until the fox comes. You wouldn't think there would be foxes in the city, but there are. They hang out by car tires and watch the little rabbits. . .just like gang members. Other times, you'll see foxes troop across the mall parking lot (down the street) on business of their own. At 5 AM, the foxes cease patrolling the neighborhood because of the birds. Chirping birds are the alarm for foxes to clock out for the night. The birds wake up and clean the worms off the sidewalks till noon or so. Then it is the squirrels turn. I'm not exactly sure what it is the squirrels do, but it requires a lot of scampering to and fro.

Drumming on the street

I love YouTube. I found this clip of a Drummer on the streets of NYC. I don't know how much rhythmn he has but he is f-a-s-t fast.

The tool catalog

I have just received what may very well be the coolest catalog printed in the English language. The master 2007 spring/summer Northern Tool + Equipment.

This thing is just. . .amazing. You can buy high-output solar panels, windmills, arc welders, toy tractors (pedal-powered), a couch that looks like the back seat of a 56' Chevy, all kinds of engines, 2000 watt light towers. . .in case you want to light up the entire county, steel cages for (I don't know. . .if a stray mountain lion visits, you'll have a place to keep it), floor lifts ($14,000 will get you one big enough for a school bus!), wood stoves, sawmills, giant slingshots, custom tractor seats, cast-iron hand pumps for pumping water out of the ground the old-fashion way, and much much more.

I'm thinking I could buy all this stuff and move to Alaska.

Friday

One of my goals in life is to stand at the summit of this mountain.

The only thing holding me back is about $70,000, two months free-time, and high-altitude ice-climbing mountaineering experience. If anybody wants to see me climb this thing, then by all means send the cash.

The perfect description of me

INTJ - The Free-Thinker

especially the part that reads,

"Fellow workers of INTJs often feel as if the INTJ can see right through them, and often believe that the INTJ finds them wanting. This tendency of people to feel transparent in the presence of the INTJ often result in relationships which have psychological distance. Thus colleagues find the INTJ apparently unemotional and, at times, cold and dispassionate."

I think this explains why my co-workers sometimes walk around on pins and needles when working with me. Like last night for instance.

Mindless, repetitive activity is something we (us INTJ people) do when frustrated with life. I have found myself doing this lately and it frightens me. Like reading CNN.COM 10 times during the course of the day and pressing the 'next blog' button. I am obsessed with knowledge. I can literally read non-stop 16 hours a day and not think anything of it.

And I have always been this way.

When I was 3-years-old, I had a toy train that played a musical sound when it rolled across the floor. I would play with this toy train for hours until my mom hid it from me. But I wanted to hear the sound all the time, not just when it rolled forward across the carpet. And since the sound came from inside the train, it seemed reasonable to take the train apart. . .to get the sound. So, I took the train apart, which wasn't easy being child-proof. It took awhile, but I persevered. When the train was apart, there was no sound! I remember being perplexed. Then my mom (or me) put the train back together, but alas, the sound was never produced again.

Later, we went our separate ways. . .the train and I. . .not my mom.

I have got to get me one of . . .

these

While shopping the other day I also found these.

I don't know what to call them. Wrorks? Sprenches? Frenches? Butter Plives?

Anyone???

Obesity

This is ridiculous.

Monosyllabilisticisms

Not being a TV watcher gives me time to think. Yesterday, it dawned on me that every single male at the company I work for, has a one syllable first name.

Ed, Joe, Vic, Dwight, Jim, Steve, Bob, Frank, Dan, Ray. . .etc, etc, etc.

Except me.

Spring has Sprung

Dating: A process whereby a scientist measures the ratio of carbon-12 to carbon-14 of a fossil in order to discover an approximate age of the formerly living creature.

Dating: A slang term formerly used by the lower class in describing the process of acquiring a prostitute.

Dating: The first thing I write when writing in my journal. Today's entry will probably begin something like. . .21 March 2007, A.D. 11:19 A.M. Chesapeake, VA

Life in General

Life. Life is flying by for me. It's happening so fast, it bewilders me. I remember Life before the internet and wonder how much change has occurred in Life as a result.

Every day I find myself thinking increasingly more about Heaven and the afterlife. What it will be like? I had a dream once that took place a million years in the future. A group of us were going to a fairly new planet, without spaceships. Just our new bodies. The planet had much more land than Earth, lots of mountains, and was smaller. And I remember somebody saying that this was the first time so-and-so had ever landed on a new planet.

Every day I feel the Spirit of God pressing closer upon me. Sometimes it like an enormous weight, and yet the weight has no mass. It's merely a sort of largeness that surrounds your entire being. Probably what being at the bottom of the ocean would feel like.

Increasing, and this have something to do with the fact that I sleep during the day and work at night, I see, or rather feel, myself walking on this enormous plateau or grassy plain. . .sort of like Montana. . .and it's uphill. Only I never get to the horizon. It keeps going up a little further. Once, though, I almost did get to the end. . .and the grassy plain merged with the sky into a sort of coppery-colored thick misty place. And for an instant, it seemed to me the copper. . .it may have been gold. . .was molten and had eyes spanning the horizon. And as I looked up at the eyes, it was as if I felt a warming sensation from the deepest recesses of my being.

Then I woke up.

The Ides of March Eve

Having spent 7 (yes, seven) hours in a tire store waiting on my car, I can say that after reading stack after stack after stack of various magazines, I am up-to-date on. . .pretty much everything.

According to Forbes magazine, if you're not googable, you do not exist.

So, I googled myself, and found a few obscure pics of myself in another state, running.

I then made a resolution to make myself more googable, in case some world leader needs my sevices, except for a certain dictator, or two, or three. Then again, I've always wanted to go on an Anaconda-hunting expedition in Caracas.

I am happy to be an existing person. Un-personhood must be strange. Prole-like.

Running

One of the must-do things in my life. I have to run nearly everyday. Why? Too many reasons to list. It makes thinking alot easier for one. In the 1700s, the British used to torture prisoners by making them run on human-propelled treadmills. Now, people spend $1000 of dollars (of their own free-will) to run on these things. And consider themselves fortunate to do so.

The times they are a changin'

As much fun as running is, people just don't get addicted to it. You think I'm kidding? Go to your local high school track and tell me how many times you've seen a man out by the pole vault pit, decked out in shades saying, "Psst! My man. . .pair of Nikes?"

I don't think so.

LetsRun.com is probably the most comprehensive running site out there. It's a must-go-to site.

Fasting

I just did a google search on fasting and parasites.

Scariness. . .

The Age of Cleverness

People in good standing with God think clearly-more so than non-good-standing people. Non-Christians must find it harder to think. People who knowingly reject God have a great deal of a time trying to maintain any continuous thought. For when one rejects him, one shuts down the source of creativity and one is left with whatever is stored in memory. Now, one can only express that creativity in a perverted way.

If one rejects what one knows to be inherently good and true, one must repress this good. This repressing can only lead to mental illness (a disruption of normal thinking.) It's no accident that the Reformation and the Great Awakening coincided with the Age of Discovery. It's also no coincidence that when a society rejects God, that society begins a precipitous decline in novel ideas and creativity. Mediocrity becomes the norm, baseness is elevated to a god-like status. Everything and everybody turns coarse and rough. Shoddy. I mean, everything simply goes bad. Music, food, literature, movies. Rudeness increases, Patience leaves, fast food becomes popular, illiteracy increases, obesity gets classified as a medical illness. . .All falls apart.

I suppose one could make the argument about technology. But is not technology merely manipulating what we already know? That's what technology is. . .the application of (already known) knowledge. What can be called Cleverness. Nothing terribly new is discovered in an anti-Christian atmosphere.

Mature people are not easily swayed by their emotions. When mature people get hungry and have $3 in their pocket, they don't rush off to Burger King. Another thing I have noticed. . .They don't suffer from Peter Pan Syndrome.

I have been thinking much about prophecy, prophets, free-will, and predestination lately. Imagine how it must feel to have a perfect prescient awareness of your future. You'd turn fatalistic to the point of madness. (Unless you knew you weren't going to be mad.) Life would be dull. Free Will and Predestination would be essentially the same thing.

Not quite, really. It would be more like a journey with a known endpoint and many data points along the way. Then, another train of thought developed. About how photons seem to know where every other photon is. I'm talking action action at a distance and it's scary.

Most of the people I grew up with got stupid around their mid-20s. Perhaps it is because they rejected God and his attributes. It's amazing how forgetful people are in the Land of the Brave. I have had adults in this country ask me during the last few weeks. . .

How many states are there? um. . .50

What's the third place medal made of? bronze.

First is gold, and what's next. . .silver? yep

One guy I talked with thought the Himalayas were in Oregon. How do you respond to that???

"No, see. They used to be in Oregon, but they moved them see. Everest kept getting in people's way."

Another person thought that when astronauts go on a space walk, they do so on the moon.

This is why I enjoy watching people. Like squirrels, they amuse me.

I, Jason, wrote this at 4:12 AM whilst staring at a can of Campbell's Chunky soup. Grilled Chicken and Sausage Gumbo flavoured.

Aujourd'hui

Washed the car today at 2 AM. Why not? It was nice out.

I was debating whether or not to remain a Christian since they apparently found Jesus' bones in an ossuary. Naturally, my entire belief system was shaken to the core.

In other news: Some scientists in Kansas recently uncovered evidence that the world may indeed be flat. Their study was not well-received in the scientific community. Perhaps the ACLU will volunteer to assist their cause.

What is truly scary is that one religious professor claimed that his faith would not be shaken. This tells me the fellow is very confused about Christianity. I mean, if the Resurrection never happened, what good is Christianity?

It would be a pointless religion and life would be devoid of meaning. Just a meaningless existence. It would also make Jesus a liar and eliminate his claim to divinity. Nor would he have been a good man-perhaps pretty good and fairly moral-but certainly not God.

If Christianity weren't true, would any other religion be? Judaism? Judaism is Christianity. . .that is for all practical purposes. (If you subtract all the customs and traditions men added). All Judaism is based upon the 10 Commandments, which in turn are based on love, which is an intrinsic part of God's very nature.

I suppose Zorastrianism might be a good choice, however, when one follows Zorastrianism's tenets to their logical endpoints-it's not consistent with reality. No other religion is consistent with reality. Even atheism is non-consistent with reality.

You've got to wonder why the alleged bones of Jesus popped up in the news recently, instead of hundreds of years ago. This tells me that entities in the spirit world are fearing something God is up to and ready to do. (I realize this last sentence would make absolutely no sense to 99.9% of the media. . .which amuses me.)

This brings to mind an article I read in Christianity Today once. The author thought it sad that Jesus died so young. He thought, (the author), Jesus would have accomplished much more in life had he lived about 80 or so years. And I thought,

'This man is spiritually ignorant twice over. First, he is ignorant of things supernatural. Secondly, it takes something supernatural to get someone that ignorant.'

The 2008 democrat presidential race looks to be most interesting. I don't think Barack Obama, nor Hillary 'I was named after Sir Edmund Hillary. . .(before he was famous)' Clinton have a chance. I can see the campaign slogans now.

'We need B.O. in the White House.'

and

'Jezebel for President.'

8 years of King Ahab is long enough for one country.

All Biologists are equal. Some are more equal than others.

I like the President. I really do. But somebody should tell him that you never hold an unlabeled Erlenmeyer flask without wearing a pair of nitrile gloves.

Sell Phoney Baloney. It's Cheap.

Dear Mom,

I am back from Queens. Unfortunately, the only queen I saw there was a Dairy. . .an icy woman to be sure. So, I got a new virgin. She's white, and slim, and very mobile. Goes with me everywhere I go. She's always 'on' during the day and 'off' at night. It's better that way. She's from Taiwan, and came here a few months ago. She doesn't do a whole lot until you press the right buttons, then. . .whoaaa! Nellie! Can she sing and whistle. We met at Wal-Mart and you can talk with her too. Lest you think I've turned into another heathen pagan worshipping Ashurah pole-dancer frolicking in the groves and the high places, I should tell you it's a cell phone.

Sorry about the blood pressure.

Affectionately yours,

Jason

Snow

A remarkable event occurred yesterday in Virginia Beach.

At 11:45 AM, as I was walking from the TV studio to the sanctuary, I happened to look out the window and saw snow flurries. Nothing sticked to the ground and it only lasted for a few minutes.

Then the sun came out.

Ancient History

One of my favorite things to study is ancient history. Very ancient history. So, in the book of Genesis, it states that people used to live 9oo+ years old. Which makes one wonder just what exactly they did all day.

They didn't have TV, phones, computers, paved roads, newspapers, or even books. If you wanted to take a road trip, you had to ride a horse or a camel. (Can you imagine what one's behind looked like after riding horses everyday for 500+ years? Probably resembled a beaver).

So what they do all the time. . .except farm and go to war. Build towers to pagan deities?

Noah built a boat when he was 500. That much we know. Just what were these guys eating? Whatever it was, they don't sell it at Safeway, and you can't get a prescription for it.

I don't imagine they ever got in a hurry for anything and were very good at history. After all, not much happened so far in the Earth's history.

In other news: I think I pulled a very important muscle in my back. The one that makes all movement possible. As a result, I have been stationary for the past three days.

Go West, young man

9 Feb 2007 Anno Domini, 137 AM

I am moving.

It's quite true. Later this summer, I intend to go West, young man. Actually, North by Northwest (great movie) over hill, dale, and prairie to a city with a long lake under the shadow of the Lonely Mountain. To the land in the tongue of men and dwarves called Washington.

Home of orcas, Bigfoot, Microsoft, Boeing, Costco, and Curt Kobain cults. And it is here, I shall spend my days peering through microscopes looking at cross-sections of tissue and cells in a histology lab.

The Golden Order of Clinically Insane Obsessive Compulsive Long Distance Lorry Drivers.

There is a most cool web site found at http://www.chimpage.com/index.html that allows one to generate interesting and sometimes thought provoking sayings.

Here are some I came up with. . .

The random fact generator: 44% of all toilet paper manufacturers are arsonists during the hours of darkness.

The secret society generator: The Golden Order of Clinically Insane Obsessive Compulsive Long Distance Lorry Drivers.

The fount of wisdom generator: Sometimes it's just not sensible to force someone to poke a crocodile in the eye with a stick whilst under the influence of alcohol.

Give me your charred masses, urning to be free

According to the 30 January 2002 edition of USA Today and a certain little calendar-like boxy thing at work,

Ed Headrick, inventor of the Frisbee died at the age of 78 years exactly 5 years ago. He family cremated his body and molded the ashes into the shape of a flying saucer.

One wit observed that now the grandkids could always play catch with grandpa.

A post

Hmmm.......haven't posted in awhile. Should do that. Perhaps tomorrow.

Beer Facts

On this date in 1935, beer was first sold in cans.

--Steel Times, 5/1/01

Things are coming to a point

Things are coming to a point.

With technology moving so fast, today's world is one big community. You can be anywhere on this planet in 2 days. From Virginia Beach, it is 4-5 hours to LAX. 20 hours to Tokyo. 5 hours to Bangkok. 20 hours back to New York. Then an hour or so back here.

5+20+5+22+1=53 hours

OK, so two and a half days to circumnavigate the globe. Pretty good considering it took Magellan (or some other Portuguese guy) over a year merely 500 years ago.

666. The number of man. What does this mean? Probably exactly what it says. . .the number of man, that is, the number of all the people on the planet, which currently is 6.6 billion.

Something very significant must happen soon in the world that will profoundly affect the next millennium. What. . .I don’t know. The rapture of the Church comes to mind. I know these macro cycles seem to come at 1,000 year intervals.

Adam-6,000 B.C.
Noah’s Flood destroying everything 1,500 years later.
2,000 years after Adam came Abraham.
1,000 years later came King David.
1,000 years later, God himself came as a human to set the world right again.
1,000 years after that. . .I’m not exactly sure, but something probably highly significant took place, and it wasn’t just Magna Carta.

Now we’re here, at the beginning of the seventh millennium on God’s little planet. Like squirrels chattering all day long. God has already written the book, we’re the characters, and anybody with any sense whatsoever should know something’s about to give. The good keep getting more refined, the bad are getting more perverse, scoffers and mockers are running their mouths off like runaway trains.

Jezebel has declared she is running for President. . .(this requires a separate posting)

It is now, theoretically possible to clone a human by taking cells from a human female. (Would it be human???)

Probably not.

It would be an abomination of mankind. A perfect mockery of humankind.

I don’t think God would allow all these wonderful gadgets we’ve produced in the last decade to be made if it wasn’t designed for his purpose. Sure, bad men are perverting the digital highways, but the poor and stupid will always be with us. It’s no accident that one can pick up a cell phone, take a picture of one ’s self, and e-mail it to somebody in Mongolia within seconds. Look at the time Jesus arrived. Shortly after Rome united a world of barbarians and made a good safe system of roads. It’s genius. God using Satan to build the superstructure necessary for His purposes.

Friday

On top of a dry and dusty shelf at the chemistry lab, can be found a calendar with an interesting fact for the day. Todays entry reads,

1. Day of the week most bank robberies occur: Friday

2. Amount stolen in average bank robbery: $5,000

3. Odds that a bank robber is apprehended: 3 in 4


What this means to me is that I have a 25% chance of getting a $5,000 bonus today, providing of course, whether or not I find that mask I always wear skiing. . .

The Tall Dark Hunk with the Rippling Rump

a short story

by me

part I

Senor San Diego Carlos Juan Valdez Consuelo del Riviera stood 4' 11'' when standing on his toes and weighed 98 lbs soaking wet. A nurse once described him as diffusively hirsute, which in layman's terms means 'hairier than Borat, but less than Bigfoot.' Over the years, he had acquired what come called a pot belly, and others a beer belly, yet he had never smoked or drunk either. He affectionately referred to it as his hump. You see, his favorite mammal was the dromendary. In a little cabinet, he stored a wooden camel. The statue was the gift from an ex-girlfriend who purchased it from a yard sale for 50 cents. He worshiped the little beast as an idol.

Diego, in his words, was "training for the Olympic Games in weightlifting." While others were not of the same opinion, nevertheless, they wished him the best, lotsa luck, and plenty of good karma. . .as they felt sure he needed all three. Everyday, Diego consumed three high protein GNC double-express drinks with religious zeal. After two years of rigorous training, the results were stunning. He upped his bench-press to 88 lbs and gained 7 lbs of upper-body mass.

One day, after a particularly grueling work-out, he looked in the mirror and exclaimed, "one day, my boy, you'll show em.' They'll see. . .they'll all see."

Diego's favorite tee-shirt was a ragged old mop, faded green with yellow stains around the armpit. It said 'The Little Engine that Could.' He had won it at the state fair and felt mysteriously drawn to it. This was always said in the ominous overtones most people used when discussing paranormal activity and cancer.

end of part I

next week. . .part II

Some Wisdom

1 Comfort vs. Style: One should never sacrifice comfort for the sake of style. Pain is quite often the punishment for petty vanity. It’s true. It’s implied in Leviticus. Neither should one sacrifice style for comfort. Wear what you like, and like what you wear. Just don’t be a cheapskate. Life is too short. Which brings us to our next topic.

Teeth Whitening: With the invention of sandblasting during the early part of the twentieth century, anyone can now experience a pearly white smile. Sure, your teeth may be two millimeters tall, but with everyone on liquid carb-free diets nowadays, this is not a problem. For those of you without access to a sandblaster, chewing sandpaper is the next best thing.

"But 84 Lumber is closed today," you might ask.

Have no fear gentle readers, SuperWalmart is ALWAYS open. Even on Yom Kippur. Sandpaper has one drawback, it only comes in two flavors: Dover English Chalk and White Desert Sand. Fortunately, a third option exists. Granola cereal. One cup inserted into the mouth before leaving for work and after passionately kissing your young, hip, curvy, voluptuous wife with long hair, red lips, and penchant for preserved vegetables should do the trick. Just make sure you take your Crest as co-workers can sometimes be a bit leery of working with the ‘man-with-the-speckled-leopard-teeth.’

And now, some History

Flare: Flare and I had a tenuous relationship for two years.

A very long two years.

It was during this period of my life, referred to as the Dark Ages, I aged from a 19-year-old ready to take on the world charismatic political world leader to be, into a 47-year-old, fat, bald, bohemian who oftentimes got arrested for vagrancy. You see, I had a dream. In this dream, I was skipping in a meadow with a basket in my hand. The basket was inscribed with the word ‘OPTIONS’ and it had a hole in it. It was a time that tried man’s soul. It has been said by one wit ‘Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.’ Which is true unless 100% methanol is used. It has also been said ‘Where there’s smoke, there’s Flare.’

What would precipitate such a profound maxim?

Dating Flare required smoke and mirrors.

Flare was not what we modern folk typically refer to as ‘visually appealing,’ nor what old folks call ‘beautiful,’ nor what Neanderthals called ‘mammoth good.’ And while some would say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, it is a rare man to associate feminine beauty with the face of a bulldog.

I got me a woman with a hook in her nose
She’s got two buck teeth and wears second hand clothes
She stutters when she speaks and walks with a hop
I don’t know why I love her but I just can’t stop
I’m in love with the ugliest girl in the world 2

But Flare had substance, Flare had style, Flare had, well...flare. She had a wonderful personality and she made a great cook.


The woman I love has got two flat feet
a nose like a crow, and her eyebrows meet
When she talks she says ba ba baby...I I Luv uv....youuu
But there’s nothing in this world, I wouldn’t do for her
(Ya see) I’m in love with the ugliest girl in the world 3

But a lass, she was, much like her name implies...a passing fancy. I do miss her so. And should we ever meet again on the other side of eternity. . .well. . .God gives beauty for ashes. . .I’m really counting on it.

Again, The Wiggle Has Spoken


1 -The following may not apply to residents of Kentucky, Southern West Virginia, or the section of North Carolina stretching from roughly Raleigh/Durham to Charlotte.

2- paraphrase from a really old Bob Dylan song

3- More paraphrasing from a really old Bob Dylan song

Epiphany

6 January 1943

Date on which the U.S. government banned all pleasure driving on the east Coast.

--USA Today, 3 June 1994

Job Interview

Job interview today. I do not do well at these things. Today's session consisted of 3 men and a lady drilling me with questions for 45 minutes. I felt perfectly relaxed, but I think they wanted me to speak more. What I really wanted to say was,

"Hi! My name is Jason. I have an IQ of 150, have never done drugs, and I promise to never steal pencils or surf the net on company time. Hire me. You'll be happy."

It's going to be 75 degrees tomorrow.

I 'heart' global warming.

Interesting fact

According to Italian mythology, the best time to get a haircut is during the full moon.

There's a moon out tonight

Isn't this pretty much always the case?

Tonight, Orion was playing under the full orb of Luna. And at exactly 2:00AM EST, both could be seen over the building where we chemistry people prep the samples for analyses.

I waited in the Starbucks drive-thru so long today, that I discovered two four-leaf clovers.

We won the Gator Bowl. We, as in, the WVU football team and Me. (Or is it I) English was never my favorite subject in school. I had an English teacher who wrote on the chalkboard.

'I don't have no fun at the beach.'

And she asked me how I would I correct this problem. I told her "get a boyfriend, thing's will pick up for you." That was a long semester.

So, Them and Me. . .Us. . .won the Gator bowl. Beat Georgia Tech 38-35, and without our best player.

After working the night shift in a chemistry lab for the past two years and sleeping during the day, I have come to the conclusion that I miss the Sun. I mean, I see it two days out of the week, but I think humans work better physiologically when the sun is shining. . .at least in your hemispere. One of my new year's resolutions is to limit my average caffeine consumption to less than 100 mg/24 hour period except during emergencies. Emergency, in this case, being a nebulous term which can change definitions anytime the spirit moves me. Kind of like how Evolutionists change the meaning of the term evolution when discussing all things biology. (Can you tell I made a trip to 7-11 tonight to buy a bottle of Mountain Dew. . .Tis true. I doth splurged and drinketh the cup of the gods.

Currently reading: nothing at all because I'm typing. But if I wasn't, I'd be reading

The Food of the Gods
The Lost World
Sphere
The Bible
and the back of the cereal box (which is not a book, rather a sort of pamphlet that also functions as a wall for little boys to stare at when they don't want to see their little sister chew with her mouth open when she's sitting across from you at 6 in the morning)

Jason, please go to sleep now. It's almost daylight.